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Feelings and Drinks (Part 1)

Perrie's Pov

Leigh and I have just bought my wedding dress, and every minute that passes Jade's and I marriage feels more real. I would love to say that I'm doing this purely for Jade and to help her stay in the country, and I am doing this for Jade, however I do have my selfish reasons.

I was physically attracted to Jade the moment I saw her at the airport; there was simply no denying her beauty, and after living with her, I started liking her for her personality. We had been living together for six months when I decided that I would do something about it. But life had other plans, as she said she was straight while talking to me and Leigh. From that moment on, I decided that I could only see her as a friend; I didn't want to be the queer stereotype of the gay friend falling for their straight bestie, so I dedicated myself to moving on from my little crush.

My plan seemed to be working quite well, or so I thought. That was until Faouzia broke up with me because she thought I was in love with Jade. This really made me reflect and rethink everything. I realized that I was in fact in love with Jade, but I could do nothing about it. That was a year ago, and now with this marriage I had the opportunity to have Jade almost exactly as I wanted.

I have been bottling this in for a long time, but I felt like I was going mad. Since the whole marriage thing, I've been having panic attacks, but I only let Jade see one of them; I hid the others pretty well. I know that they are stemming from me having this big secret that I didn't tell anyone about, so today I decided to tell Leigh-Anne.

After buying the dress I told her that I would like to talk and for us to go to a coffee shop near the store and that's where we are now.

"So, what do you want to talk about?"Leigh asked.

"Jade" I replied.

"I can tell that you're nervous right now, and you don't need to be. Are you having second thoughts on this?"

'No, of course not" I responded quickly "I would undoubtely do anything to keep her here. That was her dream all along and I will not let her effort go to waste."

"What is it then?"

"I'm in love with her. If I'm honest, I think I've been since the beginning, but I convinced myself that I wasn't. That was fine until now. With the wedding, the feelings are coming in full force on me, and I don't know how to deal with them."

"Pez, I think everyone besides Jade knows that you're in love with her" she said with a smile. "But thanks for trusting me none the less." I smiled back at her and asked.

"So what do you think I should do?"

"Look Perrie, I don't want to give you false hope or anything but if I'm completely honest I think she feels the same."

"She's straight, Leigh"

"Maybe she is not" she countered.

"She said so herself" I replied.

"Yeah but that was like a year ago. You know that sexuallity can be fluid, you came out at 16, prior to that what did you say you were?" she challenged.

"Straight" I answered.

"There you go, I think you are using this as a defense mechanism."

"What? "Why would I do that?" I questioned her as if she were insane.

"I think you are afraid to do something and damage your friendship, I think that you are afraid of losing her and if she's straight it's even easier to convince yourself that you don't have a chance and that is pointless to do something about it."

Fucking Leigh-Anne, I always told her she should have gone for a psycology degree instead. I knew that in the back of my mind but hearing out loud like that made me feel much more like a coward and I didn't want to be a coward despite still being afraid.

"You're right" I said.

"I always am. Now, are you going to do something about that?"

"I want to, but I don't know how"

"You'll know when it feels right."Whatever you do, don't be afraid to tell her the truth. Even if she doesn't share your sentiments, she is the type of person who will stand by you no matter what."

"When did you become so wise?" I asked impressed.

"I always was, baby. But I think it helps that I am in an 8-year relationship, so I have some love knowledge to share" she said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess." We drank our coffee and ate some croissants, and we talked about all sorts of things when she reminded me.

"Do you remember that club, Industry?" she asked.

"Yeah"

"On Friday, Jamie is going to have his birthday bash there, and we're all going."

"Oh nice, I could use a drink or two."

"Me too, girl. My coworkers get on my nerves sometimes."

We continued talking on our way home, and I really enjoyed it. I loved all my friends, but I missed my one-on-one time with Leigh. After our conversation, I decided to think about the best ways to approach Jade with my feelings.

Friday

Jade, Faouzia, Leigh, and I arrived at the club and went to look for our friends. The group was Jamie, Zach, Holly, Katherine, Claude, Renae, Aaron, Andre, and us. We went to a booth to sit down and order our drinks.

"Today I want everyone of you to only get out of here dragged and not remembering your own names" Jamie said, raising his glass for a toast.

"YES!" we yelled, toasting.

I don't even remember how many drinks we had when Jade dragged me to the dance floor. I just hoped that drunk me wouldn't do anything I would regret.