Two days later. Ben looked at his schedule and saw he had surgery with Miranda. He stopped buying coffee for the guy in scheduling because it was no need.
After he got out of his first surgery which was an hour long, he walked to the O.R. board and saw Miranda looking at it.
Miranda was looking at the board and she saw Ben Warren as the attending anesthesiologist in the box. She hasn’t seen Ben in months and didn’t think she would have to prepare herself to be around him again. He used to make her all giddy inside. She continued to look as she thought about him and fiddled with her necklace.
“ Morning.” Ben greeted casually.
Miranda turned and looked at him, she’d know that voice anywhere. “I’m in your O.R. today,” Ben said with his hands behind his back.
“ I-I can see that,” Miranda responded looking him up and down.
“That’s not gonna be a problem, is it,” Ben asked.
“No,” Miranda said smiling nervously.
“ Good because I uh was avoiding you,” Ben told her calmly still looking at her.
Miranda met his eyes and her mouth dropped open a little as her eyes widen. “ And now I’m not, see I’m told you’re dating a nurse, and kudos to you, because who doesn’t love a nurse? But I have been bringing lattes to some guy name Pierre in scheduling so he could keep me out of your surgeries, you know I wanted to make it easier for you since you told me you were being held together by tape and glue but now that you are being held together by a male nurse. I’m going to let Pierre get his own lattes. See you in surgery.” Ben said folding his arms up and walking away leaving Miranda speechless.
She stared at him walking away. Dam I forgot how fine he was. Miranda thought as she fiddled with her necklace.
After Teddy walked away talking about dinner, Miranda still stared at the board. Eli came up and stared at it too.
“ Oh, you have him as your anesthesiologist?” Eli remarked and Miranda raised her eyebrow.
“ He’s a jerk,” Eli stated and she gasped… they’ve met. Oh God did they talk about me? That is embarrassing.
“ You know him.?” Miranda asked.
“ Not personally, we got into an argument about a patient and Shepard had to break it up. “ Eli explained shaking his head.
Miranda just stared. “ He is ignorant and thinks that nurses don’t know anything because he is the doctor,” Eli added.
Miranda wanted to interject and defend Ben because he was not anything like that, but she just left it alone and walked away.
When she got to the O.R. she began to scrub in. She saw Ben through the window fixing his instruments and getting ready. She continued to scrub before she walked inside and let the nurse gown and glove her. She got started on her patient, but she could feel the tension in the room. This is not how normally she and Ben would be in the O.R. This is where they had their “second date” because their surgery had been pushed back and they couldn’t go out.
Miranda was wrapping up on her patient. “okay last stitch.” Miranda said out loud.
“Hand me the dressing please?” Miranda said talking to a scrub nurse. “ Pretty snappy huh?” Miranda said trying to make conversation with Ben.
“Hmm?” Ben asked looking up.
“ It goes fast, like magic,” Miranda replied putting the dressing on the stitches.
“ Magic.” Ben scuffed closing the chart and setting it on top of the machine. Magic was the same words Derek said she used to describe Eli’s hands.
“Hey, can I have the chart?” Miranda asked holding her hand out.
Ben took off his mask ignoring her. Miranda clicked her teeth grabbed it and walked to the other side of the room to take her gown off.
After she was finished she grabbed the chart again and walked back over to him. What was his problem? She didn’t need animosity and pettiness at the workplace.
“ Uh is there a problem?” Miranda asked pointing.
“ Not that I’m aware of,” Ben replied looking at her.
“ Because I’m doing my best to be pleasant, but I don’t owe you an explanation. That I happen to be –“ Miranda didn’t even know what to call what she was doing.
“ Sleeping with a nurse. I believe is the words you’re looking for” Ben voiced helping her find them.
“ You and I broke up,” Miranda whispered.
“ You basically told me to wait for you,” Ben responded seriously.
“What? I did no such thing. “Miranda countered confused.
“ahh, but ya did. You said it was too much, something horrible had just happened. You were traumatized. You couldn’t handle a relationship. It wasn’t me, it was you. “Ben explained.
“Okay that is not fair and look I still can’t handle a relationship, the kind of thing that you and I were…look what I’m doing right now is nothing like that.” Miranda tried to explain.
“ Then what is it ?” Ben questioned with his arms folded.
Well hell, Miranda wished she knew the answer her damn self. She couldn’t find the answer. Ben raised his eyebrow waiting for an answer. “ Look if you have a problem with me, take it up with Pierre.” Miranda scuffed turning and walking away.
This was all Ben needed to hear, it was just sex between them. He never pegged her for the type because she said it wasn’t something she got into easily. But he was glad it was no feelings there. That meant he still had a chance. He actually walked out of the O.R. smiling.
Miranda walked away frustrated. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Between talking to Ben and forgetting to invite Eli to Teddy’s dinner, it made her realize that she needed to leave Eli alone. Not because of Ben but the simple fact was that it was never going to go beyond sex. She didn’t want to be his girlfriend and never wanted to his wife in the future.
If it all boils down to it, she just used him really. She wasn’t ready to fully be with Ben, being all messed up and she knew her Ben couldn’t just have no strings attached sex, so she slept with Eli.
Miranda now really felt bad about this, but she knew what needed to be done. She and Eli were over. She rehearsed what she was gonna say over and over again, but she didn’t know if she was being clear. She made that mistake once and wasn’t going to do it again.
She still couldn’t help but smile though. She didn’t know that she had told Ben to wait for her but he did. The very thought made her heart flutter. He went months without sex or a relationship because he wanted her.
Miranda talked with Teddy and she gave her advice on how to tell Eli.
At the end of her shift Miranda and Eli walked out holding hands. She really felt bad that she was waiting until tomorrow to break up with him. When she looked up at him, she realized she couldn’t wait “ okay, I’m sorry uh, I can’t do this. Uh, I need to say something to you, and I want to make sure I’m clear because apparently, I have been unclear in the past. Um.” Miranda was about to finish
“You’re ending this… Whatever this is.” Eli said taking the words out of her mouth.
“ Yes.” Miranda said.
“ You are perfectly clear. You are the clearest person I’ve ever known; you do not have a clarity problem.” Eli replied.
“ I don’t?” Miranda asked shocked.
“No. You have been saying you don’t want a relationship, every day for weeks now and I’ve been ignoring you. Because you are different than any woman I have ever known. So that’s my fault I should have walked away a long time ago. I can blame you for many things but lack of clarity is not one of them.” Eli said calmly.
“ I’m sorry. “ Miranda apologized sadly. Eli moved closer to her and kissed her on the cheek. He handed her the bottle of wine and said, “ enjoy the party.” As he walked away.
She watched him leave and felt as if a weight had been lifted. Sitting down on the bench, she thought over her life for the past couple of months. What was she doing really.
“ Oh God, now Ben is going to think I did this for him,” Miranda said out loud.
She knew she was gonna have to tell him for the sake of clarity that this was not about him because she still didn’t know if she was ready for a relationship. Miranda continued to sit and think.
Ben walked outside immediately looking over and saw her sitting there. She was beautiful. He thought to himself as he looked at her outfit and makeup.
“ Dr. Bailey.” Ben voiced.
Miranda looked up as he brought her out of her thoughts. She sat her wine down. “ Dr. Warren.” She greeted getting up and walking behind him. “ Um look you are going to hear about something…Because everyone around here hears about everything. Eli and I, the nurse, have ended things. You’re gonna think that it has something to do with you. But for the sake of clarity. I would like to be extremely clear when I say it had nothing to do with you at all. Are we clear?” Miranda explained sternly.
Ben smirked he put his head down so she wouldn’t see his smile, but he couldn’t help it. She still cared about him.
“ It doesn’t have anything to do with you,” Miranda repeated rolling her eyes at his smirk.
“Mmhmm.” Ben sounded shaking his head and smiling.
“ Ben Warren, I am being very clear. With you. Are you listening to me?” She yelled as he walked away.
“ Night Miranda Bailey. See you tomorrow.” Ben laughed.
“ No that is not what I said… Benjamin Warren.” She yelled at him, as he still walked away, putting his hands in the air, waving.
After he was out of sight, she went back and got her purse and wine. She drove to Teddy’s house. When she got there, she kicked her shoes off and got her a glass, sitting on the couch, and opening the wine. She was going to drink all her problems away.
“so is Eli just going to be late or?...” Henry questioned.
“Stuck at the hospital,” Miranda replied pouring a glass full of wine.
Miranda, what’s wrong? “ Callie asked sitting beside her.
“I saw Ben. Who I thought was my ex but apparently we were just on a break and he actually waited for me.”
“Huh?”
“Okay remember when I told you I broke up with Ben?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he simply thought I was asking him to wait for me until I got myself together because of all the trauma…and he actually waited for me. He was giving lattes to a guy in scheduling because he was trying to give me space. Somehow he found out about Eli and he confronted me on it.”
“Oh my God, and what did you say.”
“I didn’t really have no words. I thought we were broken up.” She huffed.
“So what about Eli.”
“I ended things with him.”
“For Ben.” She smirked.
“No, not for Ben for myself. I was just using the man for sex. I didn’t want a relationship with any man. But I couldn’t keep stringing him along it wasn’t fair.”
“So are you ready to be back with Ben?”
“I still think I need a little bit more alone time. Do you think he would even have me back? Most men don’t like to know that you were fucking someone else after them. It’s a territory thing.”
“I doubt it. If he waited months of no sex and relationship…he really wants and cares about you. I think he loves you.”
“You think so. We were together for 9 months and never spoke those words. Those 9 months were wonderful. I know I really care about him. He probably doesn’t think so though. How could I and then sleep with someone else casually.” Miranda said rubbing her head.
“I think he loves you, Bailey.”
Miranda blew out a breath. It felt good honestly to hear that.
