Miranda looked up as her taxi came. She wanted to get the hell out of Seattle after the shooting. Her phone remained on silent. She didn’t want any calls from anyone to remind her of the events that happened. Nor did she want pity and poor Miranda calls.
She grabbed her and Tuck’s bag as she walked out of her apartment complex. Opening the trunk of the taxi she began to put her suitcase in.
“Miranda,” Ben called out.
Miranda jumped, her nerves were still bad.
“I’m sorry, sorry.” Ben voiced as his hands were up in the air. He didn’t mean to scare her.
“No, you—you don’t just sneak up on people. Okay?” She quaked as she moved.
Ben took her bags from her apologizing again as he put them in the trunk. “I was playing golf, um my phone was off.” He began to explain.
You know 18 people got shot. 11 died, one In my arms, a boy died in my arms, and you were playing golf.” She voiced. She was actually jealous of the man. She put Tuck up on her hip.
“Okay.” She stated staring at him. “We gotta go.” She added softly turning to the right side of the passenger door. She opened the taxi and put Tuck inside.
Ben shut the trunk. “Where are you going?” He asked quickly.
“Home, to my moms.” She answered. “Right? We are going to go see grandma.” Miranda chimed talking to Tuck as she situated him in the car.
Ben stood behind her watching her. “When are you coming back?” He asked worriedly.
Tuck was getting worked up and Miranda handed him his toy car. “Here. Here is your car.”
“Miranda, when…when are you coming back?” Ben asked once more.
Miranda chose to ignore him. She had nothing to say to him really. She continued calming Tuck down. Not wanting to spare him another glance. Thankfully the cab driver pulled off.
Ben stood and watched as she left. His heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest. He spent all night trying to talk to her. He called and stopped by and now she was gone for only God knows how long.
Was she really angry at him for playing golf? If he would have known, he would have been right there with her because he loved her. He knew that for sure.
They spoke that morning, talking on the phone for a couple of hours. That was a routine for them if she didn’t spend the night at his place. They were up at six am drinking coffee on the phone with each other. And now she was gone. He didn’t even know what to do. She only had one suitcase, so he knew she couldn’t be gone for so long. She packed light.
Driving home he thought about Tuck as well. Surgeries were postponed and directed to Seattle press for now until surgeons were cleared and the hospital was cleaned up. So, he had no job to go to. He needed to do something to take his mind off Miranda, but he wasn’t sure that it was possible.
Ben got home, and the drive there seemed like a dazed. He walked into his bedroom and took some Tylenol for his headache. He wasn’t tired but all he wanted to do was get into bed. He laid down on the bed and begin to think about Miranda again. He wondered if she would miss him because he sure as hell would miss her. Was she not attached to him like he was to her? He thought to himself.
He knew she needed space, but he also wanted her to work through her troubles with him. He would take care of her and make sure she was fine. He would hold her at night if she needed it. Hell, he needed it and loved to do it for her anyway.
Ben decided to text her before he went to bed. “Miranda, I know that this was a very emotional and catastrophic thing that you experienced and I want you to know that I am here for you, whenever you need me or whatever you need. You are a beautiful woman, with a wonderful and brave heart. This situation will not only make you stronger than you already are but more passionate and caring. I am sorry for the loss you experienced. You are a hero and you are my personal hero. I will miss you, and I’m counting the days until you come back.”
Ben sent the text message silently hoping for a response, but he knew the chances of that were slim. He got up under his covers and decided to just take a nap.
Miranda got off her flight and saw her mom and dad waiting for them at the airport.
“Hi.” Miranda greeted with a light smile.
“Oh, Mandy,” Elena stated pulling her into a tight hug. She hugged her mother back tighter and let a few tears fall before moving to hug her dad.
Elena hugged Tuck and put him on her hip as they walked outside. “How was the flight?” William asked.
“Long, but we mostly slept.” She responded opening the car door and strapping Tuck in. Her dad put their bags up before closing the trunk.
“Geesh, I missed this place.” Miranda smiled looking at her parents’ house.
“Dinner is already in the oven. You both can get washed up, situated and it will be ready by then.”
After getting situated Miranda turned her phone back on and looked at all her miss calls as she walked down the hallway to the kitchen.
She strolled through her messages and clicked on Ben’s. She read the previous ones from the day of the shooting and the one he sent after she left. She pouted because he didn’t deserve what she did to him. “Ben.” She mumbled.
“Oh, how is he? You told me about him but you never finished and now we have all the time in the world. Where was he during the shooting is he okay.”
“He is perfectly fine. In fact he was playing golf “ Miranda said.
“Why do I hear animosity? Are you angry because he wasn’t there?”
“No, yes…honestly, I am just jealous and I’m upset because I really really really like him…I could possibly maybe love him.” Miranda whispered. She hasn’t really taken the time to figure out what Ben really meant to her. She just knew that he made her happy, comfortable, and feel good.
“So you wanted him to get hurt?” William questioned coming around the corner.
“Of course not, I would never want anything to happen to him.” She replied. “I’m just upset that he didn’t experience the trauma. He’s such a good man. And now yet again I am the one in the relationship with so much baggage. I was hoping he was a little messed up too. So we could be messed up together. He doesn’t deserve all my trauma and baggage thrown on him. I mistreated him the day after the shooting and that was wrong. I’m just—ugh.” Miranda groaned combing her hands through her hair. She felt like she could cry all over again.
“I’m a mess and that’s the last thing he needs right now. I know myself and until I get better. I need to break up with him. I need to take time by myself until I am back to being me again.” Miranda voiced firmly.
A month passed.
Ben really wanted to see Miranda. He just wanted to see her smile and hear her voice. He called her once, but she didn’t answer nor responded to his text, so he just decided to give her the space, but man it hurt like hell.
It was a Friday afternoon and Ben ran into Derek. “Hey, Chief Shepard, I’m glad to see you are doing okay and you’re back into your role. “ Ben greeted.
“ Not for long,” Derek said almost as if he was talking to himself. Ben decided to disregard that.” Hey by any chance do you know when Miranda- I mean Doctor Bailey is coming back?” Ben asked hoping he would know.
Derek smirked he knew that Ben really cared about Miranda. “Yeah, she has been put back on the schedule for Monday, so that is her first day back,” Derek said and squeezed Ben’s shoulder as a goodbye.
“Thanks, man. “ Ben called out.
Ben had to finish making rounds to see his patients. He had one more obstetric anesthesia to do for today before he went home. After finishing everything up, he changed into his day clothes before he and Knox decided to go get beers and burgers from Joe’s. They talked about their day and played a couple rounds of pool before they called it a night.
It was Monday and Ben went Into the hospital to get started on his day. He went to the cafeteria and got himself a bagel and coffee. He was excited that Miranda was coming back today, hopefully, they would just pick up where they left off because all he wanted to do was hug her and take in her scent. She told him that she used the warm vanilla and brown sugar scent from bath and body works and he loved it.
He got started on his rounds and then he had 3 to 4-hour surgeries back to back because Knox was out today. Before he knew it, it was 730 pm and Ben was walking out to go change into his day clothes. He knew Miranda didn’t get off until 8 so, he went outside and sat down on the bench in front of the hospital to wait for her.
He looked over when he saw purple in the corner of his eye. Standing up to meet her halfway, Ben had a smile on his face, but her face didn’t mirror his. She looked sad and perplexed.
“ Miranda um-um I was playing golf and I can’t apologize for it because it wasn’t anything I did on purpose; I was just um- playing golf,” Ben said nervously.
Miranda stared at him and he held her gaze. He saw her eyes getting misty. “I was playing golf.” He said again, he couldn’t really form anything decent, he sorta wished he would have thought about this before.
He paused again and just stared at her “I missed you.” Ben declared and walked closer to her, grabbing her arms about to pull her into his chest, something he had been feening for.
“You’re- you’re a good man, you are handsome and kind and smart and good, you’re perfect, but um- I’m busy holding myself together with tape and glue and a piece of me wishes that you hadn’t been playing golf because you then would be all taped and glued too and maybe you’d be where I am,” Miranda said getting choked up.
Ben started to say something but then she burst all the way into tears, and he didn’t want to upset her even more, he knew she’d been through a lot.
She tried to let go of his hands, but he intertwined theirs together. “You are too much for me right now cause I’m busy with the tape and the glue.” She cried in between her sniffles.
“Shh-shh alright-alright” Ben said trying to calm her. He paused for a while, thinking and staring at her.
“Take care of yourself,” Ben instructed his voice filled with hurt and sadness.
“You too,” Miranda replied crying.
Ben looked down and stared at their hands intertwined, it was killing him to let go but he knew he had to. He kissed the palms of her hands and then let go. He met her eyes again and gazed into them trying to memorize her beautiful features.
Then he backed away and turned around and walked to his car. He felt so unaccomplished and frustrated, this was definitely not how he thought this night was going to go. He wanted to take her out to dinner, catch up for the lost time, and then he wanted her naked skin against his as he gave her everything he had in him. He wanted her underneath him, looking into her eyes as he brought her so much pleasure, watching her climax after climax. He wanted to put her back together again and sadly she wanted to do that by herself.
Miranda stood in the same spot wiping her eyes. Apart of her wanted to go after him but she needed to heal and spend time alone. She needed to get back on her feet again.
