today i felt my usual self cheerful and exhausted. i had to go home early bc of my neck problem it was hurting and it locked up for a bit and it was giving me a headache. i went home, ate, and took a nap. i was okay. skip to now because nothing happy happened. one thing about me is that i dont cut, i promised not to cut to my baby girl pixie my puppy. i was in 6th grade when i promised her. i still havent cut, but i have had two days where i just wanted to tear off my skin and feel the pain. one happened after me and Colton broke up and it happened now. how i fix that issue is i press the knife to my skin and press on it hard so i can feel the pain sometimes it doesnt work i just feel numb so i rub it a little. i make sure not make myself bleed. right now im not on the verge of crying but im on the edge of a breakdown waiting to happen. i cant tell anyone this bc then they might ask me if im okay or do i have a knife fetish in which i dont. i just want to feel the pain that i always feel. the knife helps a lot it makes me double think about what im doing but today it didnt so i hit my arm with the knife and made sure to feel the pain in which i did and so i put it up. i like the feeling but at the same time i dont. it hurts but its a pain i can withstand. i never promised that im going to hurt myself without drawing blood, so no harm has been done. this is my therapy if i ever get the moment again.
November 17, 2021
Wednesday
Senior(17)
10:34pm
YOU ARE READING
My Diary
Non-FictionI am not doing this for attention, its to share how my life was going and how it Is going now. A lot of things I have written were a lot of things. When I vent this is how I vent. I only have myself in this world. I can't tell anyone else but I am w...
