My Diary

Part 3

i always promise things that end up becoming broken promises. me and Anthony broke up in february. it was an ending that i never wanted. i thought me and him could last but it didnt. he wanted something real and i was real enough to show him everything i put effort into the relationship and he didnt. he only wanted sex. i wouldnt be surprised if he came back and wanted to reconcile things but if he does do that, im not going back. im not going to argue with him again and just be me unhappy in the relationship. he may have treated me wrong but i gave him more love than anyone else and i will still love him. i dated a guy named Colten he was 15, didnt last long. now idk what to do with him bc he may make me happy but, i want someone my age or older to love me and have the same vibe as me and can talk abt anything and can hang out with my friends and smoke and drink with them you know. i like Kolin. im not going to give that up. we may be good friends and i confessed to him, but i really do like him. i will not ruin the friendship tho. i dont want to go back to my exs. Kolin is different tho. we both dont want to do high school relationships. ive told him half of my past and i look forward to getting closer to him. i cant trust anyone more than i trust him and Edwin. they know me. they know how i can be. they know what i like to do and know what i hate to do. as of right now kolin is the only person who can get me out of my mind. stop overthinking, stop thinking about anything at this point. even if Kolin doesnt like me, i cherish the friendship that me and him have and will never want to screw that up. i pushed him to the limit of not liking me so i backed away but its okay. as long as me and him are friends im okay with that. i will always remember the friendship we have and have with our friends. we have things in common, but that doesnt change anything. we still talk like nothing has happened. we talk like we have known each other for a long time. to everyone that ive ever dated or have been friends with that will never see this. i thank them for making me learn what true friends are like and what friends i should look for, i thank them for showing me what relationship i want, what relationship i should have. no more fantasies, its the real life and it always has been. i thank everyone who tried to be there for me but failed and didnt try anymore, i thank everyone who has stabbed me in back or talked shit and thought i wouldnt hear it, i thank everyone for who has hurt me to the point i just wanted to kill myself, and importantly i thank everyone for pushing me this far down where i had to pick myself up and push myself back up to the top. i grew from yall hurting me and that is what most ppl cant do. my scars show how strong i am. so i thank you for the scars i have. <3

May 14, 2022

Saturday

Senior(18)

2:19pm