sometimes i wish i could back to senior year and look at him all over again. just see him in school, do the handshake, and stare at him, just to laugh, smile and just be near him again. all the memories i had with him are getting to me, the memories that make me so happy but ended shortly. hanging out at the skate park, taking me on rides, having sex, just being there with him. his car that he managed to get himself, the money he used to get what he wanted. the only things i like about him is that we both have issues that we try and get away from but are stuck within it, we smile even through the toughest times, just looking at each other and not making it awkward, being around him made me happy, he was there for me when i needed someone to vent to and now the memories i wanted to have with him more and more just disappeared like it never happened. im focusing on myself, im eating like im suppose to, getting my stuff together so i can make a living, but without him taking me for little things. it feels as if im missing something. like having one of your family members or one of your very close friends leaving. it feels like your missing a piece of you. that piece of me is missing. its like a piece of my happiness got taken away you know? i dont even know if people would ever understand that kind of thing. i dont really know and i dont really want ppl to know how i feel. a lot of shit may have happened to me in my life in the past but i grew from that, i made sure to grow up from it, because the only person i had was me, myself was the only person i had for a while until edwin came along but after our falling out. everything changed. i just wish sometimes that i can go back to the way things use to be. i miss him a lot but i cant show him that, im too afraid to. im scared that im not going to ever be the person he wants me to be. wyatt said he wants a stoner girlfriend i cant do that. i dont want to, ill smoke when i want to but i wouldnt do it a lot. i just dont like it. im an alcohol kind of person. i love him but i wouldnt change myself for him. i have too much pride for myself for that. i like the way i am and if he doesnt like me the way i am then why do i still have hope that hes going to come back and ask me? i really want to know that answer. the only thing i want to here from him is that he wants me and only me. i dont really know if thats ever going to happen tho but i still have hope because i dont want to lose that hope. he needs time from his ex and i do to. so, ill wait. nothing else to say except that i will wait for him because he gave me something to wait for. a relationship with him is what im willing to wait for. i love you Kolin.
June 5, 2022
Sunday
Graduate(18)
11:47pm
YOU ARE READING
My Diary
Non-FictionI am not doing this for attention, its to share how my life was going and how it Is going now. A lot of things I have written were a lot of things. When I vent this is how I vent. I only have myself in this world. I can't tell anyone else but I am w...
