ʟᴀᴄᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪᴍ- ᴄ.ʜ

Vol 26: Could ask you the same thing

3 : 0 7 A M

I left her. I fucking left her.

The only two sentences that were replaying within Calum's mind while the cold air wrapped around his hands.

Calum sat on a rotted bench near the empty basketball court that was at the back of the park. The park next to Lacey's house. Calum wanted to disappear into the darkness; he didn't know why he didn't go further. But for some odd reason he couldn't let himself get away any further. Conveniently, Calum could still slightly see Lacey's window. He didn't know if it was a conscious decision or not.

The boy leaned his elbows on his knees; head slouched over with one fist resting up his mouth- the other hand dropped to his side, occupied by an object that's no stranger to him. It was his third cigarette that night.

As he let the tip of his cigarette slightly burn his single finger nail, Calum couldn't help but keep replaying the look of Lacey's eyes. The eyes that screamed to his. Her blue tears and her porcelain cheeks. Some people couldn't see it, but Calum could see beyond her eyes. Her eyes showed pain. Familiar pain. And he grew with fury each time he thought about the reason for her pain. It was a cocktail of fury and guilt. Fury for the girl not having a single break from pain and guilt for leaving her there by herself. Maybe if he was there with her, this wouldn't of happened. A part of him blamed himself for what happened. But Calum knew he couldn't turn back time. A cowardly thought. What was done is done. Now Calum couldn't even focus on anything else. There was only one thing in his mind no matter how hard he tried not to let it be. He wanted to see her. But Calum didn't think she'd want to see him. Not after what happened. Not after him leaving her. Not after what she just saw. But he wanted to know if she was okay.

His head was deep in shame.

After he saw what happened- he couldn't stand one more second in the house. He couldn't be there. He couldn't stay with his friends; next to Luke. He couldn't even comprehend how to deal with talking to Luke after he was the cause for Lacey's panic attack. He would of carried too much guilt to be in the same room as Luke. Luke talking to Calum with the rest of his mates drinking beers and continuing to get shit faced where little did Luke know that Calum knew what was going on. And if Luke knew Calum was supposed to be there for his sister as he knew what had happened that night; but never came back- he couldn't imagine how the blonde would even react.

Even though Calum couldn't control what had happened to Lacey- well if that's what people would of told him.. he just couldn't let it go.

Her eyes, and how she couldn't breath- her hands clinging on for dear life. It was what was playing on and on and on in his head.

So this is the outcome. Wasn't far from the house- but the backings of the park eased his nerves.

As the boy threw the cigarette bud into the grass next to his right shoe, he noticed a shadow move about thirty meters away from him. It seemed as though it came from one of the benches that was perched in the midst of the basketball court and the foot path along the perimeter of the entrance of the park.

Calum didn't shudder at the fact that he wasn't alone in this park, he was more curious on who it was. As each car drove by every couple minuets; surprisingly since it was 3am, the headlights illuminated the figure each time it passed. Calum could only get a limited look. The hair of the figure is what Calum saw first. Long, almost up to the elbows- possibly a light colour, not black.

After a couple minutes, Calum and his disoriented thoughts gave up on squinting and he dragged his legs to his car on the other side of the park. He didn't have enough energy to be so curious.

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Calum still couldn't bring himself to take himself home. If he'd go home, he'd have to sleep; meaning he'd have to lay with his thoughts silently killing him. So he did what he always did best- create a distraction. How did he do this? The twenty four hour 7/11 in the corner of his street. Conveniently, there was one particular thing this 7/11 had. that stuck the boys' utter interest.  The small bottle shop.