ʟᴀᴄᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪᴍ- ᴄ.ʜ

Vol 69: home isn't a place

The loud conversation from the kitchen was seeping through the ceiling, making its way to the second floor- all the way to Lacey's bedroom door. Lacey tried to drown it out with headphones. Blasting music in her ears so she couldn't hear anything other than Billie's voice. But even with the volume all the way up, her mind was filled with static, like her mind wasn't working and the signal cut off and all she could hear was the loud noise coming from her brain- and it wasn't the music.

Yes, she knew she couldn't keep her and Calum's relationship a secret to her close friends and family forever, she was even considering to tell them soon. But when the words slipped out of Micheal's mouth and the way Angie and Sarah's eyes widened and the way Luke demanded for information- it felt too real. Too real. She realised she put her foot in hot water, and now she knew it was too hot to handle- she couldn't commit. The whole situation was boiling water. And she didn't know if she had strength to jump in.

But what kind of person does that make her? What does that make her to Calum? Pathetic that she can't just bite the bullet and announce to everyone loud and proud she is with the one she loves?

The world isn't black and white, but sometimes Lacey wished it was. Because if that was so, navigating a moral compass would be much easier than living a morally grey life. But doing things to protect yourself doesn't make you a bad person does it? But is she protecting herself, or hurting Calum? At what point is the line crossed? The line is blurring and Lacey can't help but think time is running out. And there's nowhere to run to.

The sun had just started to set when Lacey could hear more voices fill the floor below, as she had just finished putting her eyeliner on- wearing Calum's band t-shirt and a plaid purple skirt with sheer ripped stockings and her black combat boots.

Usually she would be worried that her brother would notice she was wearing Calum's clothes, but right now, she needed to feel close to him when they probably couldn't be tonight.

Pushing down the awful thoughts about what would happen when Calum and Lacey would eventually go public- her mind dwelling on the worst possible situation; Lace quickly tied her hair up in a half up-down do, taking out little pieces of hair from the front so they dangled on the sides of her head.

Her phone buzzed, a message from Angie demanding that she needs to come down immediately as Calum would come through the doors any second. Luke called Calum to come to the house, stating it was an emergency- and she heard Cal reluctantly complied to come; promising her that they will have their move night it soon. Oh she wished that was true.

Lacey pushed her phone away, not having the strength to deal with Angie and her babbling mouth at all. She'd never resented her more. It's not at all fair to Angie though, as she didn't know that the secret girlfriend that she was trying to get a name out of was in fact Lacey. But sometimes her need to know things irritated her. And now it irritated her more than usual.

You're such a pathetic little shit, Lace.

You don't care about Calum, just yourself.

Look at the girl you've become. Hiding behind walls. Hiding behind people. Is that what you really want? Is that what you really want, Lace? Do you think that's what Calum would really want?

A voice hissed into her ears. Something that got louder and louder as the days piled on top of each other- becoming a blurring mess.

Don't be a pussy, stand up to your brother. Fight back, goddamn it.

Lacey squeezed her eyes shut, trying to over power the voice- but it always over powered her. Always. And she never won, not even once.

Her phone kept blowing up, probably from Angie. Lacey grabbed her phone and switched it on silent, throwing it back on her dresser. However she threw it too far back as it hit one of her frames, causing it to tumble to the ground.