In The Arms Of A Doll Collector (BENZ SERIES I)

Kabanata 48

Right Prescription

“Go pack your things that you want to bring.” Damon said as we both enter our room. Nakita ko naman na nag imapake na ang mga maid ng ilang damit ko. Ano pa bang kailangan ko?


Tumingin ako kay Miranda at Uriel na magkatabi doon sa kanilang cabinet. I let go of Damon’s hand to get near them. Kinuha ko ang dalawang manika saka ipinakita sa kanya.


“Can I take them?”


“Sure.” Lumapit ito at pinakatitigan si Uriel. “He’s my best friend anyway. Hindi siya dapat maiwan.”


I smiled and stared at Miranda. “Then we’ll take them.”


“Okay. Get prepared and we’ll leave whenever time you want.”


I nod. Kinuha niya si Miranda at Uriel. He then sit in the bed. Ako naman ay naghanap ng bagong pair ng damit para magpalit.


I never imagined myself to go travel far away from this country. I think si Daddy at Mommy pa lang ata ang nakakapag travel. Hindi ako nakakasama hindi dahil sa ayaw nila.  It’s because I was too afraid to leave the life I have in my small room, my comfort zone, my dolls. I was afraid to get insulted again.


Napatitig ako sa damit na hawak. Humigpit rin ang hawak ko dito.


But today is different. My comfort zone is with me. My life. My world. Nilingon ko si Damon na nakaupo roon sa talim ng kama. Nakatitig parin ito sa dalawang manika.


If we leave today, I don’t have to worry myself. He’s healed. He’s my husband. He will protect me. And for my sickness, I don’t need to force myself to watch a movie, go to a mall to shop clothes, or play some games to forget about the past, about Lando. Because I know he will be there.


Nahuli niyang nakatitig ako sa kanya. His forehead knelt. May pagtataka itong inilapag ang dalawang manika saka lumapit sa akin. Pinantayan niya ako at chineck ang lagay ko.


“Are you okay? Do you think, this is kind of weird? To suddenly leave?”


Napalunok ako at umiling. Hawak-hawak ang dress ay niyakap ko siya sa leeg. I felt him stiffened for a second. Nakabawi rin ito at nagulat nang buhatin niya ako. Both of my legs are now wrapped around his waist.


“I’m just… I think I need to rest for some minutes before we go.” Mahinang banggit ko.


Masyado lang ata akong na-overwhlemed about my PSTD, Damon got out of from rehab, the Benz are doing fine. Masaya ako. Masayang masaya ako na nangyayari ang lahat ng ‘to and for that feeling, napagod ata ako. I want to sleep. I want to sleep with him before we leave.


Inihiga ako ni Damon sa kama. Hindi ito umalis agad sa harap ko. Nakatukod ang kaliwang kamay nito sa tabi ng aking ulo. His right hand is caressing my cheek.


“If you don’t want to go, we can go some time-“

“Okay lang talaga ako, promise.” Ngumuso ako at pinaglaruan ang earlobe nito. “I was just tired from work. Tapos may pinuntahan kami ni Damien kanina.”


Kumunot ang noo nito. “Saan kayo pumunta?”


Right. The kid, Zion. That one relative of Mr. Ben Zion.


I stare at him. “Damien found something important.”


He immediately lay down beside me. Tumagilid ako ng higa paharap sa kanya.


“Something important, you say?”


I nod. “Mr. Ben Zion. He has a relative. Nahanap siya ni Damien. His name is Zion. A kid.”


“Bakit hindi niya sinabi sa akin?”


“Hindi daw siya sigurado noon kaya hindi niya rin sinasabi sa akin. You know, he has the right to become the owner of the Benz.”


Hindi ako nag-aalala sa magiging kahahantungan ko. Pero siya. Si Damien. Alam kong pinaghirapan din nila kung ano ang meron sa Benz ngayon. What if one day, bigla na lang maghangad si Zion? Hindi kami pwedeng tumanggi. Bukal din sa puso ko na ibibigay ‘yon sa kanya. But for Damien. For Damon. Paano sila?


Damon smiled. “If Zion wants the Benz, I can give it to him.” Masinsiredad na sinabi nito. “I know our parent’s history. I know what Mr. Ben did to save our parents. We owe what we have now to him. Now if that kid wants the Benz, it wouldn’t hurt me.”


I smiled feeling proud towards him. Mas lalo kong idinikit ang sarili sa kanya. “Then, okay lang sa’yo na magtrabaho sa iba? Sa mas mababa?”


He chuckled. “Kung okay lang sa’yo na manirahan sa mas simple.”


“Oo naman. Walang problema ‘yon sa akin.”


But he immediately shook his head in contrast. “No. I can’t see you live a life with limited things, money. I can’t let you live with that. Tama nang naranasan ‘yon ng parents ko. I’m sure mom and dad would hate me for marrying you just so you can live with the same life. Magagalit sila.”


“Pero wala namang problema doon-“


“No. Don’t worry about it. And don’t even think about it. Let’s live our life everyday in the fullest like it’ll be our last day.”


Umikot ang mga mata ko sa ere. Natutuwa ako sa mga sinasabi niya pero naroon pa rin ang mga posibilidad sa kung paano niya magagawa ‘yon.


“I can be a model. And, I have a lot of money. I also saved. I can start my own business. It’s not the business that will save us anyways. It’s me who will save it. It’s my name.”


Right. He’s that famous Damon Silver. The gorgeous owner of the Benz. Alam kong may iba ang hindi nagustuhan ang history nito. But I know there were more people who likes him.


Nakatulog ako ng ilang oras sa tabi niya. I guess, the stroking of his hand to my head helps me sleep. Hindi ko alam kung nakatulog rin ba siya. But when I woke up, he’s not beside me anymore.


Pero ang mas nakakagulat ay nasa ibang kwarto na ako. It’s my room. My old house. Ang bahay nila lola kung saan ako nakatira. When I turn my gaze to find Uriel, he is nowhere to be found.


What now? What am I doing here? Nasapo ko ang aking noo. Bakit mag-isa ko lang?


Lumapag ang dalawa kong paa sa kama at tumingin sa bintana. It’s already dark outside. Gosh! Why am I here. Why am I…


Am I… in reality now?


Then… who’s Damon? Who’s Damien?


Lumabas ako ng pinto at roon sa may living room ay nakita ko ang vintage box ni Uriel. Kumunot ang noo ko. This… seems familiar. Everything.


Nilapitan ko ang box nito at pinakatitigan. Is Uriel inside?


Ang dapat ko na pagbukas sa box ay hindi natuloy nang may kung anong braso ang yumakap sa aking leeg.


“Cresia…”


Lando? He’s here? But he was already in jail! Anong ginagawa niya dito? Nakaramdam na lamang ako ng takot. His voice was never good in my ears. Parang nalulunod ang puso ko sa kaba.


“B-bitawan mo ako…” I said while trying to get out of his arms. Sumasakal ang braso nito sa akin.


“Ipinahiya mo ako, Cresia. Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa kanilang nababaliw na ang manika mo at hindi ako, huh?” Gigil na tanong nito. Napapikit ako ngunit sinusubukan pa rin makawala sa kanya.


I can’t fight him. Mas pinanghinaan ako nang hilahin niya ako papasok ng aking kwarto. Mas nasakal ako sa ginawa niya at ang tanging nagawa ko lamang ay kalampagin ang dalawa kong paa. Maybe in that way, may makarinig pa rin. Maybe in that way, someone will help.


“Pero sige lang, Cresia. Pagt-tiyagaan kita ngayon bago ako tuluyang makulong.”


I shouted in fear when he push me on the bed. Sa lakas non ay tumalbog pa ako. Dumausdos na rin pababa ang mga luha kong hindi ko na mapipigilan pa.


Ngunit akala ko mahina na ako nang sampalin ko siya matapos niyang pumaibabaw sa akin. But that was a mistake. He got mad even more at kitang-kita ko yon sa ekspresyon ng mukha niya habang dahan-dahan niyang inihaharap pabalik sa akin ang mukha.


“Please, pakawalan mo ako.” I cried. My feet tried to kick him but he was too strong and fast. Nahagit niya ‘yon at ipinirma lang doon.


He started pinning my both hands on the both side of my bed. Dahil wala na akong kawala ay sinimulan niya na rin gawin ang ninanais. His dried lips is coming near my cheeks and neck. Mas lalo lamang akong sumigaw.


Hindi ako makapaniwala. He’s in jail already! Ano ‘to! Was everything just a dream? It is just my hallucinations? Wala na dapat siya dito!


He reeks alcohol. Nakakasuka! Iyong damit niya, naalala ko, suot niya pa ‘yon nang magpunta kami sa police station para pag usapan ang tungkol sa manikang sinasabi niyang tumatawa. I don’t like his smell!


“Huwag kang maingay, Cresia…”


“Bakit mo ba ‘to ginagawa sa akin…” Humahagulgol na tanong ko.


“Hindi mo pinahalagahan ang sinabi ko sa’yo.”


“I-I’m sorry…”


“Huli na ang lahat, Cresia.” He whisper.


I shouted again when he finally ripped of the thin sando I was wearing. Bumalandra na roon ang naiiwan kong panloob.


Napakasama niya! Dapat talaga una palang, ipinakulong ko na siya!


Every time he would kiss me, I always tried to avoid his gross lips. Ngunit nahahalikan niya pa rin ang aking pisngi at leeg.


Pakiramdam ko mamamatay na ako sa sobrang takot at kaba. Pakiramdam ko, hindi ko na kayang huminga pa.


Someone please… help me.

“Tulo-“ I stop when Lando fell on me.


What happened?


Ginamit ko ang naiiwan na lakas para itulak si Lando palayo sa akin. Only to find out who did it.


Napatitig ako sa lalaking maayos ang damit. Damon?


He immediately put down the crowbar. Mabilis siyang lumapit at niyakap ako. Halos humagulgol ako sa kanya.


“Cresia…”


Nagpatuloy lamang ako sa pag-iyak.


“Cresia, wake up. Cresia…”


His voice is becoming vague and tiny. Nawawala siya sa paningin ko. No. Damon. No.


“Cresia…”


Until I heard a clear voice again. Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat ng mata.


And when I finally saw Damon in front of me, worried, I cried again.


It was just another nightmare of Lando.


“You’re having a bad dream…” Anito.


Mabilis akong umupo para mayakap siya. “It happened again. That night. When he was about to rape me, I had that nightmare again.”


“Shhh… calm down. Lando is in jail already. He can’t get near you anymore. I won’t let that happen. I’m here…”


I still cried. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili but I’m still thankful.


I found relief, minute after crying a lot. May konting hikbi pa ako nang maghiwalay kami sa yakap.


“Do you need water?”


I nod.


“Warm, yeah?”


“W-warm.”


“Okay.”


Tumayo siya but that only sends me panic. Agad ko siyang hinila sa kamay dahilan nang pagtigil niya. “Don’t leave me here.”


“Shhh. All right. Come here.” He open his both arms. Gumapang ako palapit sa kanya at eksperto niya akong binuhat. Just like earlier, nakapalibot ang dalawa kong paa sa kanyang bewang.


Ganoon kaming lumabas ng kwarto at nagtungo sa kitchen. Imbes na ilapag niya ako sa upuan, pinaupo niya ako sa kahabaan ng counter.


Nagtungo siya doon sa kettle para magpainit ng tubig at habang ginagawa niya ‘yon ay pinanood ko ito.


Sa loob ng anim na buwan na lagi kong napapanaginipan si Lando, hindi ko nakikita si Damon. Lagi lang tumitigil sa scene na pinunit nito ang damit ko at magigising na ako na parang sakal na sakal at hindi maka hinga.


Pero ‘yong kanina. I saw it. Noon pa man, nang ipakita ni Damon ang sarili matapos hampasin si Lando ng crowbar, iba siya. He looks more dangerous. He was wearing that dark turtle neck and loose jogger when that happens.


But when I had that nightmare, earlier, dumating siya. At iba ang suot niya.


Tumingin ako sa suotan nito. It was the same clothes he was wearing earlier. That long sleeve gray shirt and black jeans. Bahagya ring nakataas ang sleeve nito kaya kita ko roon ang kaputian ng kanyang braso at mamahalin niyang relo. Iyon din ang nakita kong suot niya kanina sa panaginip ko.


I wonder why. And his face. It was not the dangerous look. It was the caring, loving, worried Damon.


He walk near me with a glass of warm water. I drink it all. Halos maubos ko ‘yon.


“Another glass?” He asked.


“Hm.”


Muli itong kumuha ng panibago at iniabot rin sa akin. This time, nakalahati ko lang ang baso. I’ve had enough.


Nang mailapag ang ito ay pinakatitigan ako niya ako ng ilang segundo. He then rested both of his arms beside me.


“You had such nightmares while I was in rehab?”


“O-oo. Pero hindi naman araw-araw. I think, twice a week.”


He cursed beneath his breath. “I’m sorry. Damn, I’m really sorry.”


Umiling ako. “You needed your own healing. I understand that. Please, don’t blame yourself.”


“But you’ve also suffered-“


Hinawakan ko ang magkabilaang pisngi nito na nagpatahimik sa kanya. “It’s nothing. I’m okay. It was just a nightmare. Isa pa, tinutulungan naman ako ni Dr. Alice. Minsan, sinasamahan din ako ni Anika matulog para may gigising sa akin.”


He hardly bite his lower lip and nod. Tumayo siya ng diretso at mabilis na itinulak ang ulo ko sa kanyang dibdib.


“Tell me what do you feel whenever you had the same nightmare.”


I lick my lower lip and bite it.


“It feels like… you never existed.” Tumingala ako rito. “Feeling ko mangyayari pa lang yung dapat na mangyari. Yung dapat na pang kidnapped mo sa akin. Parang laging magisismula pa lang lahat tuwing napapanaginipan ko ‘yon. And it scares me. It always scares me because I always thought meeting you never happened.” Lumuha akong muli. “May mga sinabi naman sa akin si Dr. Alice na makakatulong sa akin and it helps. But I know I will never worry anymore because you’re already here.”


“Hm. Andito na ako. I will always look after you, okay?” He rub my cheeks. Tumango ako rito. Nagsabi na rin akong bumalik na sa aming kwarto. Medyo inaantok pa ako.


The thought of maybe I’ll get the same nightmare again is there… but I am more prepared than I ever was. Because Damon is here.


“You know what?” Tanong nito pagkapasok namin ng kwarto.


“What?”


“Falling in love with you was the second best thing that ever happened to me.”


Ngumuso ako na kunot ang noo. “Bakit second lang?”


Hindi siya agad sumagot. Dumikit ang labi nito sa aking noo at nag-iwan ng halik doon. “Because meeting you was the first one.”


I smiled and chuckles. “Bolero. Natututo ka na ng ganyan. Samantalang noon, naghahanap ka pa sa google kung paano mang comfort? Remember?” Pang-aasar ko saka umakyat ng kama. Nagtaka ako nang hindi ito sumunod. He was just there, standing.


I died out of laughter when he suddenly groaned in annoyance, tila napaka late ng reaction niya nang maalala ‘yon. “Huwag mo nang banggitin ‘yon. I seriously didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Never had a girlfriend. And my mind was so messed up.”


“Huwag ka nga diyan. Anong you never had a girlfriend? Hindi ka na nga virgin, sabi mo!”


He laughed. “Had some slaves.”


Halos mabanat ang bibig ko sa pagkakabuka. I can’t believed it. “S-slaves?”


“Don’t get me wrong, okay? Hindi ako ang pumilit sa kanila. Sila mismo ang nag offer. And because my mind was so messed up, what can I do?”


“Tapos sinasabi mong hindi ka rapist. At hindi mo ‘yon gagawin sa akin? Pero alam mo pala ang bagay na ‘yon? Sinungaling!”


I crossed both of my arms in my chest. Napailing siya habang nangingiti. “And that’s what I’ve been also thinking. I cannot touch you down there. Feeling ko, mali. Feeling ko, napaka forbidden. Na mas gugustuhin kong mag masturbate na lang at lagyan ka kaysa ang gawin ang bagay na ‘yon sa’yo. I told you, I found care when you bought Uriel.” He walk near me. “I finally found love in the arms of a doll collector.”


I stare at him. Those words were just like medicine. Those words melted me inside.


Whatever Dr. Alice told me about what should I do with my PSTD, it helps.


But I know he was the right prescription to that.