Her's Now, and Forever

~ Chapter 26 ~

{ Kamilia's POV }

We had been home for an hour already, but Rose hasn't spoken to me much because she was on a phone call with her parents and had work to do after that. It made me more upset, of course it's not her fault but I've just had such a bad day. As soon as we got to the house, I just plopped down on her bed and I've been laying here for an hour. I hadn't done anything productive but stay on social media, I felt like my energy was drained and my day turned sour after that orientation.

I sighed and dropped my phone on the covers, spreading my limbs across the bed like an X.

What am I gonna do?

Maybe I should go home, she's busy anyways

Yeah, then I can cuddle up with Milk and try and forget about it all

I was deep in my thoughts when I heard Rose open the door to the bedroom.

"Are you okay? You look so sad and pouty all on the bed." She laughed and sat on the bed, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

"Mhmmm, I'm just boreddd!" I put on a smile for her.

I still haven't told Rose about it, but I just didn't wanna burden her day with anything. I know she's been struggling with stuff too, so I don't wanna make it all worse.

"Wellllll, how about we take a walk?" 

"Ooo that sounds good!" 

We were already dressed so we just left the house as is, well of course Rose got her purse and I brought my mini backpack, then we left. She held my hand as we walked the crosswalk to the park we had our first date in, it really brought back memories to be honest. Except, we didn't stay in the usual part we walk in, she took me to another section that was primarily flowers and rivers. I thought it was beautiful.

"Guess what?!" Rose spoke as we walked through the park.

"What?!"

"I have a whole week off, so we can spend as much time as we want with each other!"

I gasped, "Wow that's amazing Rosee, I'm so happy for you!!"

"There's another thing, but this one might be good or bad considering how you view it."

"What is it?"

"I'm gonna be working part time in an office now, most of my work is still at home but I may be in an office more depending on my managers." 

"Oooooo, how fancyyy, are you excited?" 

Rose nodded her head and began to tell me about her job working as an accountant and how she was even offered the choice of an office. Honestly, I was listening for half of the story but then I started to zone out, I still kept nodding though. The thoughts of what happened earlier at the film studio came back, I feel like I'm just overreacting. But I'm sensitive, I don't like people being mean to me because it reminds me of when I was bullied in highschool and it hurts my heart. The director too . . . he just made me so uncomfortable with the way he touched me. 

We just kept walking and walking and Rose kept ranting, I could hear her voice but I didn't really know what she was saying. I kept overthinking everything and I started feeling anxious and sad, I had a really rough week, I thought it would've gotten better but it just didn't. Now it's gonna end off a horrible week and it might be the start of a horrible month too.

When I feel such strong emotions like anxiousness and sadness, I sometimes slip. I could feel that it was happening now, I didn't want her to know though. I was supposed to be big today.

Suddenly we stopped walking and Rose was tapping me, it pulled me out of my thoughts. I think she could notice by the way I was darting my eyes.

"Are you okay princess? You've been really quiet." I nodded and let go of her hand, then I started to put my fingers towards my mouth and I played with my braids.

She stared at me for a couple seconds before asking, "Did you slip baby?" 

"Mm buh didn't wan tell ou bcuz suppos b big" She pulled me into hug and spoke . . . 

"You don't have to hide it from me, no worries. Also, you couldn't fool anyone princess, you always do the hand thing and you struggle with eye contact when you're litte." She spoke in a soft tone but laughed at the end.

I pouted and she laughed, taking my hand again.

"Does my sweet baby want a happy meal?" I nodded lots and I didn't talk much because I was feeling more little than usual, it tends to happen when my feelings are a trigger.

{ Rose's POV }

I parked my car in the parking lot of McDonald's and got out the drivers seat to take my baby out the car. Once I unbuckled her, she took my hand like a good girl and walked in with me. I didn't expect her to order when the cashier greeted us, so I ordered for the both of us. Of course, I asked for a happy meal for my baby; however, for myself I ordered a McRib and some fries. 

The cashier handed me an empty cup and a piece of paper with a number 43 on it, "When your number is called, come get your order." 

I felt Kamilia tugging my clothes and whining, I could tell she was probably anxious or scared being in public like this when she's so little. I kneeled down and ruffled her hair, "Shh it's okay baby, Mommy's here. Do you wanna eat in the car or here?" I whispered.

She pointed towards a booth in the corner of the fast food place, so I nodded and kissed her cheek.

"Good girl!" I whispered.

I went over to the drink machine and selected vanilla Coke as my drink, then I took my baby down to the booth she choose and we sat down across from each other. 

"mama pwetty!" I heard a tiny voice and I was surprised, I didn't expect to hear her talk since she seemed really deep in headspace.

"Aww thank you baby, you're Mommy's pretty princess you know that?" I cooed, thankfully we were in an empty spot without people.

"NUMBER 43" 

I heard our number called and I stood up to get it, but my princess started to whine.

"mommy nu go peasss!" She whined.

"Do you wanna come with Mommy to get our order?" She nodded her head and took my hand, putting her thumb in her mouth with the other. My baby never does that, she must be really small. I felt bad for what I was about to say, but it wasn't a good habit.

"No baby, your hands are icky, don't put them in your mouth. I promise you can get a paci when we go back home." I pulled her hand away and she started to whine, I'd better not entertain that though.

I picked up our order and walked back to the booth with my baby. We both sat down and she immediately grabbed her happy meal and squealed.

She pulled out the Fluttershy toy she got and reached over the table to wave it in my face. "MAMA PONY!" 

"Inside voices, and that's great angel but you need to eat your food first, you can't play with her yet." I said in a gentle but stern tone, it was a warning.

Kamilia seeemed to get the message and pulled out everything in her happy meal. There was a small bottle of juice, apple slices, fries, and chicken nuggets. She ate some of her chicken nuggets first. Once I saw her eating, I started to eat my fries and McRib as well. It was good, honestly I don't usually get McDonald's so it's kinda refreshing. I sipped on my soda and I finished eating my food, so I looked up to see if Kamilia was done with hers.

I saw my baby playing with Fluttershy and waving her all in the air, letting out a bunch of giggles, I thought she was so adorable. Anyways, I quickly refocused and scanned her food, she seemed to eat everything but the apple slices, which was weird. I know she's definitely hungry and she likes apple slices.

"Angel you didn't eat your apple slices, you know you can't play until you eat all your food." I said in a stern voice and she seemed to ignore me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and spoke again, hitting her foot lightly.

"What did I say about playing before you're done eating?" She looked at me and stopped for a second, before deciding to play again with Fluttershy.

"Excuse me? Are you ignoring me little girl?" I took her toy away from her and tried to reach over the table.

"mama bak!! wan fluttashy bak!!" She whined.

"Not until you eat your apple slices baby."  I could tell my baby was angry and pouty by the look on her face.

She opened the pack of apple slices and took two slices to eat them. She seemed to be enjoying them. I quickly pulled up my phone to answer a text and what happened next was shocking.

Kamilia threw the rest of the apple slices at me and started to kick my legs. 

"MAMA STOOPID WAN TOY!!" I put my phone down immediately and stood up to see a crying girl banging her hands on the table.

I wasn't sure what to do, I was kinda hurt by what she said. I know she didn't mean it and big Kamilia is a sweetheart, but this is the first time she's insulted me. Did I do something wrong? Am I a bad Mommy? I stood there and wanted to think more but I didn't have time. She was having a tantrum in public  . . . again. I'm not used to her being so bratty and I don't know how to deal with it. I decided not to entertain her tantrum and take her to the car so we could drive home. I had plans on going to the zoo but that was only if she was well behaved.

I cleared off the table before leaving with Kamilia holding my hand, there were a lot of stares and weird looks at us as we walked out. I was anxious having so many eyes on me, them judging me. It didn't help that Kamilia kept yanking to get away and she kept screaming. I was such a bad caregiver I couldn't even stop a tantrum in public. Once we were in the car I made sure her seatbelt was on before I drove home.

~ Time Skip ~

I pulled up to my house and I thought my baby would be calmer by now but she wasn.'t

"MOMMY NO PUNIS!"

"GIB TOY"

"MOMMY DA WORSTEST EBER!" She kept screaming as I carried out the car and into her nursery, I immediately sat her down in her crib and pulled the bars up. I was going to put her in the timeout chair, but she was acting so bratty I doubt she could actually stay there.

"You're going to be in timeout for 15 minutes, if I find out you moved at all it's gonna be even longer." I said in a stern tone and tried to hit me through the bars, it hurt but I left the room.

I sat on the stairs as I put a timer on my phone for 15 minutes. I took a lot of deep breaths before mumbling to myself . . .

' She doesn't mean that, she's just little.'

' You're not a bad Mommy, she's just being bratty right now'

' It's okay Rose, you're trying'

My thoughts got interrupted when I heard a thump coming from the nursery and I opened the door to see Kamilia out of her crib, giggling when she looked at me. At this point I was really unsure what to do, she wouldn't stay in timeout and I doubt she'd write lines, taking away her toys and tv would make stuff worse, and I would never ever spank her.

I just picked her up and put her back in the crib, this time giving her a pacifier. I usually give her some type of comfort item while she's on punishment, but I seemed to forget that at first.

"Since you can't stay there on your own, I'll be in the room with you. Everytime you get out, the timer is reset." She spat out the pacifier and it hit me, she started giggling too. I thought she'd atleast try to hide how she get's out of her crib, but she just bounced and pulled herself over again and again. I kept putting her back in, again and again. Eventually, she realized that she wouldn't get out of the punishment so she made grabby answers towards the pacifier she spat at me and whined.

I simply left the room to clean it off and gave it back to her, her cries turned to sniffles and she finally seemed to calm down, waiting out the whole 15 minutes. I lowered the crib bars and asked her . . .

"Why were you punished baby?" 

"B'cuz I bad gir" She sniffled and it broke my heart to hear that from her.

"No baby, you're not a bad girl. You showed some bad behaviour but you're still a good girl, you just need help staying a good girl." I pat her head and encouraged her to try again.

"Cuz appl?" 

"What about apples baby?"

"M didns finis food an pay toy an Mommy tak an I throw an tantum?" She tilted her head slightly.

"Yes baby, you ignored Mommy and kept playing with your toy. You threw your apple slices at me and said a lot of mean things to me. It hurt really hurt Mommy's feelings and you should apologize." I spoke in a gentle tone, it really did hurt me.

She started to sob and hit herself, I quickly grabbed both of her arms because I don't want her to harm herself. I was worried about her, she's never like this when she's little. Is there something she didn't tell me? Something on her mind? Is it about me?

"Shhh calm down baby, don't hurt yourself. What's got you so upset?" She was silent for a little, but I was trying really hard to coax her to talk.

"I bad, I huwt Mommy! Meaniz huwt m' sos I ne huwt self!" She tried to get out of my grasp, but it wasn't working at all. Her response puzzled me, was this recent?

"Baby, stop trying to get away from me. I'm not letting your arms go until I know you're not going to hurt yourself. I love you and I care about you, as your Mommy it's my job to protect you, even from yourself at times. Can you tell me what happened?"

I could tell she was anxious and she'd open her mouth at times but she couldn't talk, after a couple times of doing this she finally answered.

"diwector girl meani hit m an an diwector boy bad he touch m. i icky i nee punis" 

I was shocked by her answer, I wanted to ask for more but she's so little and just getting that out of her was hard enough. I think I should talk to her about this when she's big and in a better headspace, I understand why she didn't wanna talk about it when she was big but . . . still I wished I would've known sooner. That might've been why she's been so bratty and fussy today. The only thing I can do now though is take care of my princess as best as I can.

I hugged her really tight and she started to yawn after she suckled on her pacifier. I'm not surprised she's sleepy after the week she's gone through, today's tantrum and how fussy she was. Kamilia was still in her big girl clothes, so I took her out of those and dressed her in a footed pajama. I decided to put her down for a nap, I laid her in the crib and let go when I heard whining.

"mama nu weav" She whined and started to sniffle again while she held onto my finger.

"Do you want Mommy to nap with you angel?" I asked.

Kamilia nodded and I laid in the crib with her, it was pretty spacious so it could fit both of us. I pulled up the bars a little bit just so I wouldn't fall onto the floor, then I snuggled up with my baby and kissed her asleep. Shortly after she fell asleep, I did too. This day tired both of us out.

{ These updates are getting less and less frequent tbh }