Her's Now, and Forever

~ Chapter 25 ~

{ Kamilia's POV }

Over the past few days, I've been going to constant auditions for all types of roles. Background, lead, side, main characters, you name it and I've auditioned for it. It's been really draining,  having to constantly rehearse and memorize scripts when there's no guarantee of me getting the part. Even without the auditions, this week has still been really stressful for me, so many things happened and it's just drained me. But everything paid off, so it's okay.

One audition particularly, it was for the main character of a wlw movie, I was really passionate about the script because it's something I could personally relate to. Maybe that was why I got the role, but I was so excited! The movie was about a troubled teen who realizes she's queer, when her family and friends find out they aren't supportive, but she becomes more confident in her sexuality and finds a partner near the end. I can't believe I get to act this out, I was only called a couple minutes ago saying I got the part. I was so happy that I decided to go visit Rose and tell her the good news! Besides, I haven't been at her house at all lately, my schedule has just been so busy. I don't ever want her to feel like I'm too busy for her though.

I parked my car on the curb and got out the drivers seat, locking my car before I headed towards her house. When I got there, I unlocked the door and I walked in, beaming of joy . . .

"Roseeee!" I voiced loudly, but I didn't hear anything back. She usually replies almost instantly, maybe she's working? I still don't really know how her work schedule is, it's really on her own time so it's not something predictable. Anyways, I walked to her office and knocked on the door, still no answer.

"Roseee where are youuu?" I said whining, I honestly just wanted to cuddle up in her arms after a couple long days. 

I went in all the rooms downstairs to look for her, so I went upstairs to the bedroom. I opened the door to the bedroom and I saw her just bundled under her covers, maybe she was sleeping afterall? I walked over to her and sat down on the bed, that's when I noticed her eyes were opened.

"Rose?" I shook her a little bit, she seemed really out of it, kinda like she zoned out thinking about something.

"Mh? Oh hi Kamil." She started moving her head and blinking like a normal person, but she gave me those sad eyes.

"Are you alright? You seemed really out of it." 

She paused for a second and then spoke, "Yeah, I'm fine don't worry." She turned the other way on the bed.

"Why are you still in bed? Do you know what time it is?" By her appearance, I could tell she hadn't gotten out of bed yet. 

Rose rolled over and grabbed her phone, when she looked at the time she simply sighed and just put it back.

"Mmm, It's 4:28 pm, I just didn't wanna get up." She spoke in a tired voice as her eyes wondered. I didn't buy this, nor did I buy that she was fine. I don't know why she's lying to me though? She knows I'm here for her, and she has a therapist whose there for her too. Maybe it's depression? I have depression so I can definitely recognize it in others, especially my girlfriend.

"Are you sure you're fine? This isn't like you at all Rose, I care about you a lot and you shouldn't feel the need to lie to me. I'm here for you just as much as you're here for me, it's okay to have negative feelings but it's not okay to bottle them up." I kissed her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't wanna bother you with my feelings." 

"Love, you'd never be a bother to me, you're my girlfriend. Can you tell me what's going on?" I was worried about her, she's tried to act like everything was fine after the club thing but I know deep down inside it wasn't. Sure she was healing with her therapist, but recovery isn't that fast.

"I just feel so disgusting in my body and I feel insecure after . . . that. I've never been insecure about myself in years." She sat up and leaned on me.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but you're not disgusting at all. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, you're perfect in my eyes love. I love you so much." 

I picked up her hand and kissed it, "I love you here." Then, I began kissing all over her arm too, "and I love you here."

I kissed all over her face and her neck, "I love you here too Rose." 

I kissed all over her stomach and so many other places, just telling her how much I love her body. I think it helped a little bit, she was smiling afterwards and she hugged me really tight. She wrapped her arms around my neck and splashed her beautiful long hair. I wish I could do more, but I've never experienced that so I don't know how to handle it.

"Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" I wanted to do the best I could, so this was important for me to know.

She picked her head up and kissed my cheek, "Can I take care of my little princess?" 

"Are you in the headspace to do that? You seemed pretty depressed."

"Noo I promise I am, taking care of you gives me motivation and makes me feel like I'm loved and valued. I don't know, just being a Mommy is a stress reliever." I was gonna say no, but after hearing this it's much harder.

It's not like I didn't wanna be little, but I wasn't excited about being little either? I'm just so sensitive and it's hard to control myself and think and ugh . . . I didn't mind if it was for her, it's not a bad thing, but I kinda wanted to be big and just cuddle with Rose and talk to her and just have our own day. Hell, I didn't even get to tell her the news yet.

"Uhm well, if it's kinda okay I don't really want to? I had a stressful week and I wanted to cuddle with you and spend time together." I said anxiously, I hoped she wouldn't be mad.

"That's okay, I understand." Rose kissed my cheek and smiled. 

We both laid back on the bed and started spooning, of course I wanted to be the little spoon. She pulled some blankets over us and I was so happy to be in her embrace.

"Ooo and I wanted to tell you I got the lead role in a movie! It's a sapphic movie so I'm really excited to have the lead role in something I'm so passionate about!" I moved my hands alot and smiled while speaking.

"Wow, that's so amazing princess! You definitely deserve it, you're so talented!"

"Thank youuu, you're super talented too! Talented in doing the boring and repetitive stuffs like accounting and taxes!!" We both laughed a little.

"Yeah, but I'm not so creative and energetic like you, that's something I truly love about you. You're like so animated and cheery." She started to play with my braids.

As Rose played with my braids she reminded me of how long I've had them, I kinda want a new style.

"I might take these down soon, I don't know what style I'll get next though. There's so many pretty styles, but they take literal hours." I sighed.

Rose looked my way and her jaw dropped, "hours?"

"Yeah, the quickest I've had this length is 4 hours, but if you want really small and long ones it can be longer. Some of my friends who do their own hair take 8 hours."

"God damn, I wouldn't have the patience for that."

"It kinda goes by fast when you're watching shows or in your own world."

I told Rose more about the process of braiding and she was shocked, her reactions were cute and funny. Honestly, it's kinda nice to be able to educate and share your culture with someone else, It's always so fun when Rose goes on long rants about Korean traditions as well. 

~ Time Skip: 2 days later ~

Today was the first day I'd step into the film studio, I already had a faint idea of what would be going on. Just the basic stuff, we're not gonna do any shots or anything until a couple days later, I was still so excited though!

Rose decided to drive me there and drop me off, before I got out of the car she kissed my lips.

"Goodluck princess, I know you'll do great." She gave me a smile before she drived off.

I looked up at the film studio in front of me, it didn't look aesthetically pleasing because it was a bunch of medium buildings together, I'm sure it would look better on the inside. I walked into building C, where I was told to meet up.

When I walked in I was greeted by who I assumed to be the director, he was a white man with black hair and blue eyes. He was on the taller side, and I could definitely tell he lived in the gym.

"Hello, you're Kamilia mhm?" He growled it in a way, it kinda made me uncomfortable but I knew better than to judge so quickly.

"Yes, I play the lead role of Jayla." I threw a smile at his face and he nodded, leading me around the studio.

He introduced himself as Liam, then he introduced me to the assistant director, whose name was Beth. Then, he introduced me to the costume and makeup designers, whose names were Juno and Hailey. There were a lot of people there with minor or side roles, but the only one he introduced me to the love interest of the film, Iris, but her stage name would be Mira. I made a mental note to introduce myself to the other cast, but we had to get started with things now.

"Please goes to Juno so she can take your measurements for costumes, then Hailey can find a match for your stage makeup." I nodded and walked over to Juno.

Juno had a really cool vibe around her, she was a black girl like me, but she was very tall and dressed alternative. She reminded me of Thea in a way, especially with all those chains and spikes on. She pulled out some measuring tape and was about to wrap it around but then she stopped.

"Do I have your consent to touch you?" She had a very soft voice despite her gothic appearance.

"Yeah of course, no worries." Juno nodded and began to wrap the measuring tape around my boobs, thighs, waist, and wherever else she needed to make a costume for me. It was really quiet, it wasn't awkward because we were both doing our own thing but I could tell she's more introverted and keeps to herself.

After 5 minutes, she was done taking and writing down all my measurements.

"Thank you, Hailey's over there." She pointed towards a white girl who had the total opposite aesthetic of her, instead she was dressed all soft. 

I walked over to Hailey and she motioned me to sit in the chair.

"Hiii, as you know I'm Hailey and I'll be doing your make up for this production! Do you have any allergies or any products that irritate your skin?" She spoke to me as she was cleansing my face and prepping it for the makeup.

"Uhmm, not that I know of!" I said in an unsure tone.

"That's alright, no worries I'm like a professional at this! I've done so much makeup, but we're not doing a full look on you right now. Just trying to see what colors to use on you considering your skin tone. If you didn't already know, we're gonna have to use makeup thats 2 shades darker because of all the bright lights that will be on you during filming." She put different concealers on me and just experimented with a lot of different products.

"Yeah I knew that, I took theatre and acting classes back in highschool and I even take them now."

"Ohh, yeah I forgot you're an actress, of course you'd know that!" Hailey stopped to laugh and then got back to work.

Hailey took about 15 minutes trying to match my makeup, but when she was done I went back to the director. He told me he'd need a little time to print the whole script for me to memorize, so I hope that was enough time. However, I didn't see the director, I only saw the assistant director so I asked her instead.

"Is the script ready yet ma'am?" I put on a smile and used a happy voice, first impressions are important to me.

"No, stop bothering me and trying to rush Liam, god I don't even know why he was so adamant on casting you, you don't look like a Jayla at all!" I frowned and I was taken aback at what she said, because what the fuck did I do? My patience was thin and I wanted to go off on her, but I really wanted to keep this role.

"I apologize ma'am, if you could, could you let me know when it's ready?" I turned my frown into a smile again.

"Yes, now leave! Can't you see I'm busy here?" Beth was a middle aged white lady with a bald spot at the top of her blonde head, I could've roasted her but I held back. She didn't even look busy, she was just standing in the middle of the studio with a clipboard.

I started to walk off and then I felt a tap on my shoulder . . .

"Ah Kamilia, there you are, here's the script, please have up until page 5 memorized before next week." He handed the script and it was an average one, I'm glad it wasn't too big.

"Thank you." I took it and I was on my way to leave the studio before I heard him shout.

"Wait . . . do you wanna go out to get lunch?" He pushed back his hair and put his hand on my thigh, I felt so uncomfortable.

"Uhm, no thank you . . ." I moved his hand away and ran out the door.

I looked around the buildings for the exit, but I got lost. There were so many different studios and buildings, I ran around for 10 minutes before I finally found the exit. 

I still couldn't believe the director, why the fuck are you flirting with me? This is a WLW movie too, does he think I'm straight? I was so mad that I started to cry, the assistant director was so rude and the director is a creep.

I pulled myself together and stopped crying, I was about to call Rose to pick me up and I didn't want her to hear or see me like this.

"Hi Roseeeee, can you pick me uppp? I'm doneeeee and I got the script!" I put on a happy voice for her.

"Of course love, how was it?"

"It was amazing, everyone there is super nice and I love the cast!" I partially lied, the cast is amazing it's just the management . . .

"Aww I'm glad to hear."

"What were you up to Rose?" I hoped it was nothing busy, I wanted her love and affection more than anything right now.

"Nothing much, I was just reading a new book I got, I haven't been reading much lately and it was the perfect opportunity." 

Rose and I spoke more about our day and what we'd do when we go home while she drove over to the studio. Once she was there, I jumped into her car. I gave her a kiss and she drove off, I didn't wanna be there any longer than I had to.

{ Wow, it's been a while since I last updated! I hadn't updated much because I've been busy with personal things, also I had to enter a writing competition at my school. I'll release that short fantasy story when the competition is over, but I don't want to release it now and get accused of plagarism if they find it here. }