Lead Me To You

Kabanata XXIII

Monica

Liberation

My friends' shocked faces still lingered in my mind until I went home. Hindi sila makapaniwala na I am already married. No one knows in my circle of friends. It's not something proud to brag about.

"The after-party was fun," Paris said.

Matapos ang meeting at party ay umuwi na kami sa bahay. We were the first ones to leave the venue, actually. I still wanted to catch up with my guy friends but Paris wanted to go home early.

"Indeed it is," I answer.

I've been thinking about the promotion I got today. It only means one thing, I can stay longer here. I've come up to the decision of staying and telling my husband but I can't seem to find the right time to tell him. He will be leaving tomorrow and expecting me to come with him back to Florence. But I can't see myself settling there.

It's now or never. I have to tell him.

He was sitting on the sofa, arms, and legs were open. His head was tilted up from the cushion while his eyes are closed. I took a step forward and coughed a little, to announce my presence. Still in worry with my playing fingers on my stomach.

"I have to tell you something," I said. I would be lying if I say that I wasn't trembling. I tried my best to be distracted by pinching my palms but it didn't do anything.

"Go on, love. What is it?" He didn't flinch a single inch. He didn't even look at me.

But why am I nervous? Is it because I am afraid of what his reaction will be? Will he be okay with my decision? Will he let me?

"I want to stay here-", now I got his attention. He finally looked at me, but with a confused look. "-and work. With the promotion I got today... I want to take that seriously."

Hindi agad siya nakaimik. Parang iniipon niya sa kanyang utak ang aking sinabi.

"Don't you want to be with your grandparents?" He asked. I never thought of them when I made this decision. And besides, they will do well even without me by their side. "They were expecting that you would come with me back home. Why would you need to work, anyways? It's not like you will not have the means to survive and keep your lifestyle."

"I wanted to be with them-I badly want to stay with them. They were not getting any younger. But... I am not talking about the money here-" he cut me off in my last sentence.

"Then, what is it that you're so worked up that you chose to be away from us?!" His voice raised which got me stunned for a bit. I can see that he's getting frustrated by the situation but calmly rose up to his seat.

And then, it got me to realize something that's making me do it. I always say that I will get the company back. I want to restore my family's legacy, and my father's hard work. It is what drives me to live... every day. I died when Papa turned into ashes. I couldn't live when I try to stand up again. Years of mourning. Years of reminiscing the past. Years of living in a memory that cannot be relived again.

I wanted to live in the world where he exists. I wanted to be in a place where I can feel him in every corner of the room.

Carluccio's is my Papa's home.

"Since the Carluccio's got out of our care, I've been working so hard to get it back. And with this perfect opportunity, now I can do that." I was given a chance to continue my goal. And I can't bear to lose it. "I am not a little girl anymore with small knowledge about how this works. I wanted to prove myself." I placed my hand on my chest.

This is what I prepared for. Lahat ng pinagaralan ko, gusto ko na iyong magamit para dito.

"What about me?" He asked.