Lead Me To You

Kabanata XXI

Monica

Suffocate

I was left alone in this room filled with books that I couldn't even find the answers to my own problems. I failed with my plan.

"Francis, you asshole. You will regret this..." I cried.

I shrugged the jacket he placed on my shoulders. If this jacket has feelings, it might have cursed me right now.

"Let her be alone for a moment," I heard him speak at the back of the door. He might have been talking with my cousin.

"Is she okay? What did she tell you?" Matteo asked him.

"She's fine. She just told me something unimportant."

Unimportant?

My life is at stake! And did he just think that what I begged of him a while ago doesn't matter?

Hindi niya talaga ako naiintindihan. I tried to explain. I tried to convince him and believe in me but he was just hard as a rock. Don't I really have that same effect on him as before? Just one "please" or "I want it", I can get whatever the hell that I want.

"You are just making things up, Monica. Hindi na ako maniniwala sa pagmamakaawa mo. I'm doing this for your own good."

"You're just making it harder for me. Hindi ako lalapit sayo ng ganito kung hindi ko kailangan. I swear, my husband-"

He cuts me off.

"Your husband can't put you in harm. He doesn't have an ulterior motive on why he's doing that. You are his wife. And he has every right to have you the way that he wanted!"

I told him everything. I told him the real reason why I wanted the company back. This is my only chance and my only survival to my freedom. Ang palugit na mga panahon ay nalalapit nang matapos. Paris is here and I do not know kung ako ba ang pinunta niya dito. I still have three months left before the deadline.

And now, Francis is telling me to just give it up? My father always tells me never to let any man control me. I am a woman with my own decisions and choices. And no man can dictate how I should act and choose.

"What?" Is he serious?

"Stop this nonsense. Stop overthinking. If you just let your pride down, it can't be difficult to all of us."

Then he left. Half slamming the door behind me.

I just couldn't forget how I got treated when I needed help the most. He's the only person that I know that can help me but he just smoothly rejected me.

Lumabas ako ng library na talunan. Nakaabang ang aking pinsan at nangangamba ang pagmumukha. Habang pabalik ako sa aking kwarto ay abot ang sermon sa akin ni Matteo. 

"Halika na, Monica. Bumalik na tayo ng Manila. Hinahanap ka na ng asawa mo. Kanina pa niya ako kinukulit. Please..." Sambit nito.

As if I have a choice to stay and hide.

As everyone wanted, I gave up.

Pinababa na ako ni Matteo sa lobby habang ang aking mga gamit ay binababa na ng mga katulong. Hinintay ko si Matteo bago ako pumasok sa kanyang sasakyan.

He slammed the door of his car and sighed deeply while holding the wheel.

"I hate to do this, my cousin. Ayoko na pinipilit kita sa bagay na alam kong hindi mo naman gustong gawin. My heart is breaking into pieces while seeing you miserable. But we just got no choice. And we really have to do this."

I got teary-eyed while listening to his speech. He's fucking right. I just got no choice. I have no escape in this situation. And it fucking hurts that I can't do anything for myself.