Lead Me To You

Kabanata XXVII

Rain

Huminga ako ng malalim. Masakit para sa akin ang araw na ito. Gusto ko na lamang umuwi at magkulong sa kwarto at matulog. Itutulog ko na lamang ang pighating ito.

Siniguro kong wala nang tao sa labas bago ako tumayo at nag flash. I didn't do any business, I just sat and cried until my eyes hurt. Lumabas ako ng cubicle at humarap sa malaking salamin. My face seems puffy and red especially in the nose area dahil panay ang punas at pagsinga ko habang umiiyak. Hinugasan ko ang aking kamay at naghilamos ng aking mukha, hindi ko pwedeng kusutin dahil naka makeup nga pala ako. Just enough to freshen and feel light.

"Papa, these people are so hard to please." I internalized.

I wiped my hands with the tissue aggressively. Hindi pa din pala ako kumakalma.

People only see me as a Carluccio princess. Spoiled, girly, and knows nothing. That's the perception of the people who didn't really know me. Akala nila wala akong alam. Akala nila hindi ko kaya. I've studied! I attended every meeting and seminar as much as possible here or abroad. Kahit noong college pa ako. My father taught me everything I need to know and yet, I am still not enough.

To their eyes, I am not enough.

Paano kung hindi namatay ang Papa? Paano kung hindi natuloy ang ambush? Will it all be different? Of course! He would not let this happen.

I checked myself in the mirror once again and left the restroom. The hallway is now quiet and employees are now back to their work. Huminga ako ng malalim bago ko buhatin ang aking mga paa pabalik ng aking opisina.

I was slightly shocked when I saw Carter standing next to my door. And Chesca is already at her desk, fixing her hair.

Carter looked at me keenly. Ang mga tingin ay parang naninimbang sa aking mga mata at kilos. Bumagal ang aking paglalakad dahil doon.

"B-bakit hindi ka pumasok sa loob?" I asked him when we were a meter away.

"Mr. Rodriguez is still inside," he simply said.

I sighed. Hindi iyon aalis hangga't hindi ako kinakausap ng maayos. Lalo pa at nagdabog at sinigawan ko siya kanina. I am just tired of explaining and defending myself. That's why I bursted.

"Okay," bumaling naman ako kay Chesca na ganun din ang tingin sa akin. Naninimbang. "Did you already send the letter to the post office?"

"Yes, ma'am. We might expect a reply in a week." She said.

Hindi nga naman ako dapat mag expect ng reply agad kung sulat ang ginawa ko. It might take time but the effort put into it is immeasurable. I want them to feel that I really wanna meet and collaborate.

"But there's already a reply to your email po," dugtong ni Chesca.

Napabaling ang aking tingin sa kanyang computer. Nagliwanag bigla ang aking mukha.

"Talaga? I-I'll check later. Salamat."

Pinagbuksan ako ni Carter ng pintuan at pagpasok ko ay wala na roon ang mga pagkain sa aking maliit na dining table. Lunch is over pero hindi naman ako nabusog. But then, there's Francis sitting on the sofa with a crossed leg and arms.

Why is he still here? I thought he's busy?

Dumiretso ako sa aking desk at binuhay ang monitor. Agad kong binuksan ang ang email na tinutukoy ni Chesca at tama nga, may sagot na sila. They agreed for a meeting. But it must be held here at wala namang problema iyon. Ipapaayos ko agad ang convention room once the appointment and documents are ready. We still have two days.

I heard a ruffling sound on the sofa at alam kong si Francis iyon. He shifted on his seat and later stood. He walked towards my direction and placed his palm flatly on the edge of my table.