The Warthog faces the Reds and Doc.
Simmons: Okay, I get it. You built a remote control for the jeep into Lopez.
Sarge: Yep. But there's no way anyone could have found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place no one would ever look. Unless... (turns to Donut) Hey, Pretty-in-Pink, were you messin' with my robot?
Donut: What're you asking me for?
Grif: So someone else controls the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?
Sarge: Oh, get a pair, you bunch o' Barbies. Even if they've figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it. Only me and my diary know that.
Cut to Church, Tucker, Bell, and Caboose standing on top of Blue Base, a beeping noise is heard very faintly in the background.
"There, you hear that?" Church asks.
"A voice that popped up during childhood from a series of traumatic events, and it tells you to hurt those that are mean to me and others, and the only way to keep it quite is to take pictures of birds and talk to my friends, and to keep my mind busy?" Bell asks.
"No, it's just like this constant 'beep beep beep' noise?"
"Oh. Um.... No, I don't hear anything." Bell says.
Church stares at Bell for a second. "Do you, eh, wait, do you actually hear a voice inside your head to hurt others?"
"...No? I-I was... trying to be helpful."
"You need help, Bell." Tucker says.
"I know."
Caboose speaks up. "All I hear is that voice, you know, telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us." Everyone turns to him and It's silent for a few moments. "What, you guys don't hear that?"
"Oh man, I can't take this any more." Church states. "Tucker, you're gonna have to do something, man, this beeping is going to drive me crazy."
Camera zooms to the Warthog with Church's words "going to drive me crazy.. drive me crazy.." echoing in the background.
Warthog: (emits a series of beeps like the beginning of a dial-up connection) Drive.
Sarge: Jumpin' Jehozafats, they've cracked the code. Those dern windtalkers.
The Warthog drives straight at Doc and hits him. He lands in the driver's seat as it continues driving away with him
Donut: Hey, he's taking the jeep!
Doc: Help, this jeep is kidnapping me!
Donut: Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.
Simmons: Hey, Sarge, new rule. (camera shows the Reds watching the Warthog drive off into the middle of the canyon) How 'bout we just don't take any more prisoners, since we seem to suck at it.
Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling in front of Church. The beeping is still present.
"I see a switch down here." Caboose says and then he whispers. "It's not very big."
"I told you it was small." Bell says to Caboose.
"Oh yeah, that's it." Tucker says to Caboose. "Just flip it."
"Wait, stop." Church orders.
Warthog: (in background, in the middle of the canyon, emits its series of beeps) Stop. (stops moving)
"Caboose... do you know how to work a switch?"
Caboose looks up at Church. "Uhhhhhh...."
"Alright. Here's a full tutorial, then." Church says. "The switch is pointed in one direction, just turn it around so that it's pointed in the other direction."
Warthog: Turn around. (starts turning around)
Caboose: (a small metallic noise is heard) Oops. (there's the sound of electricity) It broke itself.
Church: Ugh!
Cut to the Warthog as it finishes turning, now facing the Reds.
Doc: Oh man, what now?
Cut to a close up of the Reds.
Grif: That does not look good. Nice kitty, nice kitty. (Donut starts backing up)
Cut to the Blues. Tucker and Caboose are kneeling next to Church. Bell is standing behind them.
"Okay, I see two wires down here." Tucker says. "One's green, the other one's red."
"What about the blue one?" Caboose asks.
"That's your thumb, Caboose." Bell says.
"Come on, guys, just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out." Church says.
"Eh, I can't tell which one goes over there." Tucker says.
"Then just yank 'em both."
Caboose stands up and looks at Church. "Church, if we pick the wrong one..." Then he whispers. "You could explode."
"I don't care, look, just follow the red one." Church says.
Cut to the Warthog.
Warthog: Acquire target: red.
Grif: Uh, Sarge, y-you, you may wanna start running. (Donut and Simmons back away) Now. (backs away also)
Sarge: Ahhhhh fudge pumps.
Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling again.
Tucker: Okay, I see what's going on here. The red one goes close to the switch, and the green one goes.. eugh, someplace else.
Church: Fine, just pull it. Take out the red one.
Cut to the Warthog ramming Sarge into the wall of Red Base.
Sarge: Oh, I'm pinned!
Warthog: (emits dial-up noise again) Eliminate red target. (the turret gun starts firing and getting progressively closer to Sarge's head)
Grif: You're gonna kill him!
Sarge: What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this.
Simmons: Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind?
Sarge: No, something about hiring better help that doesn't just stand around watching you die!
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01-26-2023
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YOU ARE READING
The Shy One of Blue Team
FanfictionSophia Bell is a member of the Blue Team. She may be a little shy and a scaredy cat at times, but she tries her best, so give her that. Seasons 1-9 (I only own Bell and other OCs that pop up.)