Where the Skies are Blue

Chapter Forty-Seven:

My teeth clatter from the cold air. Goosebumps rise on my skin with the icy mist in the air.

Raising my fist, I knock lightly on the door, then wait for him to answer. I'm shaking. My body stumbles on the porch.

When the door opens, I perk up at the sight of him.

He looks alarmed. "Auden," He opens the door wider, his eyes looking me over. "Jesus Christ, what happened?"

I forgot about how bad I probably look. I shake my head slowly, then try to form words. "You should see the other guy."

He pulls me inside, then brings his hands gently under my jaw, tilting my head up towards him. "Auden." His words come out in a whisper. Concern covers his face.

"I'm—" hiccup. "Fine."

His nose scrunches. "Where did you come from? You reek."

"I was with Wednesday; can you believe that?" I snort. "We're like besties for the resties."

He's still holding my face, a sigh escapes his mouth. "Auden, what happened?"

"You'll be happy to know that I'm done. Like, beyond...done. I'm there. I've gotten to that point. I hate him. I want something bad to happen to him. I hope someone...just ugh..." My eyes droop. "No, I don't. I don't wish anything bad on him. But I'm really angry and sad, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it. Come on, I'll get you some water and ice."

"I was at the hospital." I tell him as I follow him into the kitchen. "I wanted to tell them what he did, but Katherine wouldn't let me. She said nobody would believe me. You believe me though, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Auden." He fills up a glass of a water then slides it over to me before filling up a bag with crunched ice. "She's wrong. You deserve to feel safe. Auden, I can take you to the police right now if you want. They'll believe you just like I do." He hands me the bag of ice, which I place gently on my eye.

My head shakes. "No, I don't want that. I didn't come here for that."

He looks disappointed with my decision. "What do you want, Auden?"

To hurt. To ruin anything good in my life. I don't deserve him as a friend. I don't deserve him at all. I walk over to his couch and sit down. He follows and sits beside me, keeping his eyes on me carefully. My eyes grow misty again, and I look down at my hands. Hands that are paler in this chilly winter. Hands that appear so small. I barely recognize anything about myself.

He patiently sits quietly beside me. Watching me, waiting for me to do or say something.

I turn towards him, my legs brushed against his. My existence feels unbearable. "I don't know what's wrong with me." My voice is small, just like me. Just like my existence.

His eyebrows scrunch. He doesn't speak. Because Ender never does unless he knows for certain it's something he wants to say. All his words are thought through. Unlike me, who doesn't think before saying anything. Then I regret it long afterwards. Never forgetting an embarrassing thing I've said.

I scoot closer to him, bringing my face in close proximity to his. The speckles of gray in his eyes. Darker and lighter. The edge of his jaw. The dark lashes. Pure beauty. I can feel his breath on my cheeks. He smells amazing. Like he just got out of the shower. Now I notice the damp ends of his curls. Almost dry, but not quite.

His eyes do a triangle. Looking from my eyes, to my mouth, and back to my eyes. Repeating it once more.

It makes my breath catch. He angles his body slightly toward me. "Auden?"