L.M.I. My Second Tenderness

Chapter 4: Struggles

Chapter 4: Struggles

I easily opened my imaginative sight and I saw the world with a pure white light. It was like I'm already in heaven or in the afterlife. I don't know what's occurring in my surroundings but I'm sure I'm on a safe place.

I just see pure light, no other colors so I don't know the four lines of direction, north south, east and west. I just stepped two times and the ground was shaded with black, then the white light disappeared and I can see the whole ambience.

Well nothing's new but I saw the interior of my school with some scholars, students and annoying students in my way. I kept on walking until I saw our classroom's door. I attempted to open it but an old woman touched my hand forcefully. She told me that before I open it, make sure that one of the most special person inside give my heart a splendid smile. I immediately thought that she's referring to only one person, Lian.

I asked, "Excuse me, is Lian you're referring to as the person who gave a smile in my heart? We're good friends and I'll never leave her whatever happens. Whatever happens, nothing will separate us both."

The old woman replied, "Yes! You may claim her. You may win her feelings but I warn you that think of everything before deciding. Love is a foolish game were an asshole can cry of and eventually deduct his or her life." Then she disappered and Lian came in a distant. She looked unhappy and emotional. Maybe the old woman was reminding me to be careful of my steps. Maybe I might hurt my friend with just only one glimpse.

I turned my back because I could here a loud sound from away. I looked once at Lian and ran towards that sound. I also felt that my back is reducing its surroundings.

That sound was actually my alarm which woke up my foolish mind. I think I got a weird dream. I didn't even understand the sequence that much. It's like before one second, all those events were dislocated and disassembled. Gosh! What's happening with me?

I threw a gaze to the clock, it's 5:45 in the afternoon, actually, almost 6 in the evening. I hurriedly fixed myself to be set for our date with Lian at 6:30 PM.

I can't decide of an outfit to wear. I wanted to be presentable in front of Lian. If possible, a garment I would wear that will make her fall to me, the way I fall for her everyday, everynight.

By 6 PM, I'm already at the road, walking going to Shin street in the cafe to meet Lian. I'm too excited for this date.

The weather is cozy. And the stars lighting up the dark atmosphere brought by the night. At 6:25 PM, I finally arrived at the cafe. Only 4 customers I've seen and I chose my seat and waited for Lian to come.

I've been waiting for her presence but unfortunately, she never came. I've waited until 7:10 PM but she didn't come. I had nothing to do but just walk home sadly, my expectations were abrupt. She even doesn't reply on any of my messages as I ask on where is she right now.

The next day, I confronted Lian. I saw her in a corridor walking to their classroom so I approached her. I held her hand as she turned against me.

"Why you didn't come last night? You were supposed to be there." I said that I cannot even control what I feel.

"I'm sorry but I'd come to many businesses" Lian said, showing extreme guilt.

"Business of what? Did you intentionally leave me?" I asked accidentally, without realizing why I asked this.

"What the heck are you saying? Do you think I like to know you more!" Lian exclaimed with her voice getting higher.

"No, that's not what I meant, I just thought that you didn't......" I said but she didn't give me the chance to finish what I say.

"Just admit you're selfish, a selfish person!" Lian said to me with an angry expression. It made me nervous, with my heart beating fastly.

"No, no, no, please Lian!" I said, pleading to her but she didn't anymore listen and walked out mad at me.

I headed to the classroom, not minding anyone, and I'm very quiet to the point I felt embarrassed. I'm not an idiot to do such thing to hurt someone's feelings. I must apologize to whatever I've made wrong. No one bothers me in the classroom, nor even my friends just let me be. I know that it is on their minds that they should not mingle with me once I become quiet, stuck on an embarrassment I can't accept.

I proceeded to Lian again as I saw her again outside the classroom while I'm walking towards the comfort room, "Hey Lian, I'm sorry from a while ago, I didn't mean to do that. My heart just dropped that night because I thought you were not comfortable with me. I was ashamed." I said, explaining my side to Lian, for tolerating my feelings before thinking if it will break someone's heart.

But she answered me with a high pitch on her voice, "Don't be such an asshole! Think maybe the person you're talking to hates or doesn't admire you either."

"Maybe we can fix this, fix everything." I said, with hopes of persuading Lian.

"I don't think so!" She said and left me ahead while I still look at her leaving away.

My tears were almost falling but I'm doing every way to control this emotions so that no one can see me sad. I followed her to fix whatever I've said. I know I gave her the aches but I have the heal to cure it, and it is my "sorry" that she needs to accept.

I followed Lian but as soon as she came near the comfort room, someone arrived at her. It's my friend, Jolmin. My whole soul had fell when I saw them communicating. I thought it is the end of everything. I just instead came back to my classroom and concentrated to my lessons, but concentrating with a distracted might is truly a struggle.

At home, I'm crying. I've thought that the world is at my shoulder. I thought that everything changed. Then suddenly, I remembered some portions of my dream back then. The old lady said that don't break the feelings of the person I like or else, I might lose her and now, here I am. I struggle due to the pain I caused to Lian, and maybe I might loose her. That dream seemed to be a revelation to me.

Oh I've wished to have Lian again! I never did it purposely. It was just a coincidence. I hope she'll realize it.

I'm sorry!