Love Only Happens Once

Chapter 8

Sasha

"Haley you've been moping around for the past 3 weeks. Just because you actually move and go to class it doesn't mean you are okay! When was the last time you ate properly. For goodness sakes! You're making me become a responsible person...its horrifying!" I yelled at her continuously for the past half hour. One day she came home and all I she did was mope all damn day. I had let it go because I figured she needed some time alone and that eventually she would tell me what was going on. I hadn't spoken fast enough. I tried everything I could think of whether it be bribery with food, me doing my homework for a week ( she's a nerd remember I figured that would make her happy) but nothing worked I don't know what to do. She has never been this down in the dumps before. I figured there was only one person I could for the reason of why she was acting like this....

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Haley

You know how you replay a point in your life on a constant repeat because you can't seem to figure out what went wrong and where you went wrong. So you sit and you contemplate but then you forget that you're actually human and that have a reality that you have to get back to but its not so easy to forget and let go. Until finally your friends are screaming at you find out whats going on and how they want you to just be happy and get back to normal. Then eventually they start making promises to you, they start giving up part of themselves and will change to do things you have always wanted them to do. Yeah that - that's happening to me right now and I have no clue why. It is because I feel bad but then I don't know what I feel bad for. I'm just confused because one part of me says I know exactly why I feel the way I do, the other says you did the right thing of protecting yourself, the other keeps asking what am I protecting myself and the other calls me a selfish bitch because all I did was tell him that he could show me the realest part of him and I would still think he is everything everyone says he is. Sometimes, I ask myself why can't you put your guard down it's not like your in danger anymore...but then I remember exactly. When you let it down you become vulnerable, gullible and a downright mess. I have moments where I start hope that you can have a lot of good without an equal amount of bad but then I soon learn that I don't have equal amounts of bad but that I have more bad than good. I rather not try anymore but then you have friends who won't let you just stick to being miserable and then I find myself in a situation like this. Ironic isn't it.

"Sasha can you please stop screaming?" I asked quietly

"NO! not until you pick yourself back up. You're a strong girl Haley and I don't know what's bothering you but I won't let you throw yourself into a dark ditch of pain again not this time. We almost lost you before and I'm not going to lose you this time. Yeah we fight and have petty arguments but you're a sister not like a sister but you are a sister to me and I won't lose you. I refuse to. When you're ready to tell me what's going on...you know I will always be willing to listen to you...just please don't put yourself through this again. We're all here for you and we al want you to lean us. Don't go through this alone again." Her voice cracked towards the end. When I looked up at her she was silently crying. Her eyes held nothing but sadness and a hint of anger because she couldn't figure out what was wrong and it was killing her.

"I-I-I'm just not ready yet...I'm just trying to figure it out but I will tell you soon just not yet" I sighed. I didn't know what to say. Maybe she was right. Maybe I would figure this out a lot faster if I just asked for help and just talked about it because right now I was just tired and I was going through life as a zombie.

"Okay, but when you are just let me know okay?" She hadn't even waited for my response she just left the room to 'clean up'. I think she went to cry out her frustration and I hated the fact that I was the one doing that to her. I hadn't realize I was even crying until I put my head in hands. This has been a long week. I heard a knock on the door and I figured I should probably get up to get it since Sasha wasn't in the mood to answer the door. I opened the door and lord knows I was not prepared for who I was about to see....