COLOUR BLIND

CHAPTER 11

My world is small. So small that sometimes I get suffocated. By the small eyes watching my every move. The small invisible expectations. The small opinions and judgements over what I should and shouldn't do.
How was I supposed to put him in it? What was I going to do if things got out of hand?
Why did my heart keep beating like that when he stood close to me?
"I dont know what's happening to me but I don't like it".
" Let me help you"
"And how do you intend to do that? Kiss me again huh?"
"That day at my house?"
"Was a mistake", I sighed.
" Friends dont act like that towards each other, where I come from".

Maybe I was being paranoid for thinking what I felt was abominable. Maybe my fears were'nt valid but all I wanted was to go back to my normal self, stay focused on my studies and do well academically especially now that the mock tests had already begun. IGCSE was also around the corner.
I couldn't risk my spot for anything, not even Ian.

By the time we got back to class, everyone had already gone home, so I just picked up my bag and followed Ian who offered to drop me off again.
It was the first time we weren't talking on our way back and I felt guilty about this silence.
I tried to imagine what was going on in his mind all through as I sat there in the backseat till we reached Bloomfield. I got down from the car and walked straight into the house without turning back.

"Dhakirah told me how busy you were in school and had to stay behind with other of your classmates".
" oh, did she". I hugged my mom.
"I'm sorry for making you worry ".
" worry?", my mom smiled".
"I have the best son in the world and I have nothing to worry about"
"Thanks, mom", I turned back to Kirah.
" I'll be back in a moment".

I dashed into my room not knowing if I should feel grateful or angry with kirah for lying to my mom.
I'm not the kind of person to tolerate lies or even think Of lying to my parents but kirah isn't me, plus her lie wasn't ill-intended so I just waved it away.
My mom made a meal of pasta and chicken which we ate and watched Tv until the time came for kirah to go home.

We were out on the street for a few minutes when kirah asked if something was going on with ivy.
"Really", I stopped.
" you noticed that too?"
"Of course, I've known ivy since forever, there's no way I wouldn't notice the slightest change in her behaviour, and you too Luka"
She raised a brow, "what's going on with you? "
"Nothing".
" you've been distant lately".
"Have I?", I asked, knowing fully well that she wasn't lying.
" About Ivy", I changed the topic.
"She's been acting weird since she returned home for midterm".
" Probably because you guys shaved her beautiful hair and sent her to school in a faraway place".
"By far away, you don't mean mablorn right?".
"I'd be angry too if I were her".
" Queens is just a 45 minutes drive from Hive pony, 45 kilometres from Bloomfield isn't that far".
"You're clueless, aren't you?".
" Am I?"
"It is not about the distance "
"What is it about then? Her hair? ".
" Goodness", kirah laughed.
"I guess you wouldn't be luka if you didn't think like this".
" Think like?".
"A maths teacher", she teased.
" An old one to be precise".
"At least it's not literature", I smiled back.
" I love maths".
"Life doesn't always work with calculations kaka".
"I don't agree with you".
"I want to tell you something" kirah cut in.
"I've thought about this throughout the weekend.
No, ever since we were 10 in seventh grade", she rephrased.
" But after that incident at the football match, I realised how foolish I've been and if anything happened to you that day then it would've all been for nothing".
"You're getting me scared right now ", I stopped walking.
" Did I do something wrong...?".
"I like you", she retorted.
" Not as platonic childhood friends Luka. I've liked you since the first day we met at the pier in Hive". She paused.
"It's okay if you don't like me back".
" No, it's not that", I replied, trying to hide my surprise.
"You're smart, pony. You're pretty and honest, and nice and strong-willed and I think it's something everyone would want but..".
"You don't have to say anything", she intruded.
"You can think about it for a day or two, or even a week or a month. For as long as you want. I've been here for years and can still wait for a couple more. let's study graduate and be together when you're ready. see you tomorrow".
" see you tomorrow", I mumbled back.