COLOUR BLIND

CHAPTER 22

The first thing I saw when I woke up was the beautiful white ceiling above me. I slowly lifted myself from the king-side bed I'd been laid on while still trying to figure out where I was.
I remembered dreaming about Ian. He came to save me and slept beside me all night.
It was a fuzzy dream that felt almost too real to be a dream.
I also noticed the clothes I'd worn had been replaced with comfortable cotton pants.
Judging from the emptiness of this room and its luxury wall designs, I guessed the owner must be filthy rich but didn't always come here.
Well God is super rich too and if I died and I'm in heaven then I shouldn't be smelling cigarettes.
There was an obvious smell of cigarettes coming from somewhere around the room. I traced it to the white curtain behind the tall windows and followed it to the beautiful balcony where I saw Ian standing just ahead of me.
Maybe it's the partial button-up vibe of the light blue fitted henley shirt he wore or the messiness of his full morning hair that made me think this way but, no, he looked genuinely attractive. He parted his lips a little bit as if to murmur a few angry words but ended up putting the cigarettes back in.
I watched him puff a few times from the burning stick he'd just taken out of his mouth while also staring blankly into the sea below us.
'is he that eager to kill himself', I thought to myself. Thousands of people die every year due to the side effects of tobacco and the best habit he could pick up as a successful young man is smoking.
I frowned but soon realized he'd noticed my presence.

"you're awake". He dropped the half-smoked stick of cigarette and stepped on it.
"What happened yesterday ", I asked but he just walked towards me and asked if I was feeling okay.
"I'm fine", I cut in while he slowly stepped back after realizing how tensed I was when he got too close to me.
" Where are we?",
"Broughty ferry ", he answered.
"we're still in Dundee".

I sighed in utmost relief but soon remembered that I had to be at work today when Ian said he'd contacted Dr Campbell to tell him that I was sick and wouldn't make it to work today.
So many questions ran through my mind at that moment.
I wondered why Ian spoke so casually of Dr Campbell and was going to ask him about it when his phone rang.
It was a person called Ted. He asked them to cancel all his schedules for the day and also look into a thing he sent to them.
As soon as he ended the call, I asked him about the guys from yesterday and suggested reporting the previous day's incident to the police only to be dumbfounded when Ian refused.

"What do you mean we can't go to the police, Ian?". I asked.
" I almost got assaulted by some psychopaths in the middle of a city like this and you think I shouldn't say anything about it to the right authorities?".
"I'll fix this I promise". He tried to keep me from walking away.
" But as soon as you take this to the police, Luka, everything goes public", he said.
" it'll make the tabloids before you know it".
"Is this about you?". I asked looking furious.
"you don't get it".
"you're not allowed to say that crap to me" I cut in.
"you're not the one who almost got killed for being gay".

I tried to walk off again but Ian wouldn't let go of my hand.
It felt like a silent struggle for air when I remembered the roughness of that man's hand running through my clothes.
'It wasn't Ian's fault', I admitted.
It was the world I'd been born into.
My dad never completely believed in me. My mom whom I'm scared would treat me differently once she finds out who I truly am. My flatmate who loathes the idea of a person like me even existing.
I hadn't realized until now how much of a toll everything took on me until I broke down on the balcony in front of Ian.

"Why do I always have to go through horrible things", I sniffed.
"Why's it always me who deals with the shitty stuff".
"I'm so sorry ". Said Ian.
"I wish I could fix it all, Luka".
"Let's do that then". I drew back from his arms not sure if he understood what I meant by that.
"Let's erase all the bad memories from yesterday ", I emphasized.