Forever

DYING ON THE INSIDE

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mentions suicide
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Pietro wakes the next morning in Bree's bed to a whimpering sound beside him. He turns over to see her shaking and trying to silently cry behind her hand, not wanting to wake him up.

"Bree?" He furrows his brows and sits up. "Hey, what happened?"

She takes a deep breath and reaches for him to pull her into his side. He leans against the headboard as she curls up and he holds her close.

"Did you have a bad dream?" He pushes her hair out of her face.

"I don't know." She takes another deep, shaky breath and he furrows his brows.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if it was good or bad." She cries.

"What happened?" He asks and she hesitates like she wants to talk, but can't. "No rush." He coos softly. "Calm down first."

"I just..." She stares at the wall in front of them. "It was two dreams."

"What happened in the first one?" He asks and she almost says it before having to hide her face in his chest. "Bree, you have to calm down before you keep going." He rubs up and down her arm. "I can wait."

He gives her a few minutes, until the tears stop their flow and she's soothed enough to just be stuck with heavy and shaky breaths and tired eyes with her arms around his waist.

"I was in the training room."

"Okay." He nods, already worried about what could have forced her into this state.

"And I grabbed one of the guns." She continues and he slowly closes her eyes, already knowing where this is going. "Then, I'm standing in here and I...I do it." She swallows in fear. "And then, I'm floating around my body, staring down at her. I float out of the room and slowly start to go up while just staring at me."

"And the next dream?" He cautiously asks with a racing heart and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"I grabbed the gun and shot myself in the head." She states and he sighs. "But I didn't die right away. It was like slow motion. I was staring up at the ceiling and dying on the floor. I didn't even feel it."

"Are you crying because it happened?" He avoids looking at her with his chin on her head. "Or because it didn't?"

"It didn't." She slowly begins to cry again and a waiting tear slips from his eyes. "I could feel myself fading and it felt good. It felt really good, but it didn't happen and I wish it did." She breaks into slight sobs and he pulls her closer. "I could feel the peace. "I want it so bad."

"No." He begs while hugging her tighter and gripping her shoulder. "No. Please, don't. You promised to not leave." He cries as she buries her face in his chest. "You promised before we were together you would not die." He states in firm fear and distress. "You promised, Bree. You promised me."

He breaks into something he hasn't seen in a long time and she begins to apologize for all she's done. All the pain she caused him into that week and a half and what she continues to force onto him, like he's just there to reassure her mind and that's it.

But she needs him. Her mind isn't the only thing that needs him and neither is his for her. The physical pain they feel when they're apart for that long and imprisoned behind the chains of a mental illness means everything to them. It means everything to be in pain, because it means everything to be together. And to be happy and at peace. At peace with each other.

-

Hours after the pair had fallen back asleep and woken up, it's reached the afternoon and Pietro has made Bree take a bath in her jacuzzi to try to calm everything about her.

While she sits with her hair up in a bun and back against the wall, he walks into her bathroom and sits on the toilet lid with his elbows resting on his knees.

"How're you doing?" He nods upwards slightly.

"I'm tired still." She mumbles just above a whisper.

"Is it still in the way I don't want?" He asks and she slowly shrugs in confirmation.

He hangs his head while gripping his phone between his hands. He places it on the counter and stands to take off his shirt and jeans.

"What're you doing?" She asks in an innocent tone as he steps in the water in front of her.

"Turn around." He nods while pulling her closer.

She slowly does as asked and he pulls her back to his front to wrap his arms around her waist. She lays her head on his chest and places her arms on his.

"Let me feel you relax." He whispers against her hair.

She takes a deep breath with an exhale to ease her entire self, giving him exactly what he wants. He softly drags his hand up her biceps, pulling the hot water up with. He holds her closer and presses his lips to the top of her head as she closes her heavy eyes.

Soon enough, the exhaustion takes over and she falls into a deep sleep while he sits there with his head laid back against the wall. He continues to rub her arms with his thumbs until the water begins to cool down.

As fast as he can, he gets out and throws on a towel and grabs one for her before she can fall into the water. He pulls her out and wraps the towel around her body to hold her tight in his arms. He pulls another towel out of the closet and sits in the armchair in her room and lays the cloth over her legs to keep her warm.

He gently dries her off while trying to stay quiet, so as to keep her asleep. He pushes her dry hair behind her ear and places his hand on her cheek to graze his thumb over the soft cheekbone of her beautiful face.

♡

Disclaimer - the dream that Bree has experienced was not one that I just made up. This was a real experience that I can't seem to forget. It truly was a nightmare, but not for me and I still feel like I made a mistake by telling my mother about it. A part of me wishes that I kept that experience to myself because it put me in a place I never want to be in again.

Another part of me is thankful that I had this dream. Because it's true, yes, I wish this dream really happened. Sometimes I want it more than anything, to feel again the peace that I felt in that moment. I'd gladly find a way to do this for real, but I know I can't. I don't have the strength or the balls to do this to myself.

I only wanted to share this to show you that you truly are never alone (even when you hate to hear people say this). In a world of billions of people, one may feel alone, but there are thousands upon thousands of others out there that know your pain in a way you would never expect.

Always keep fighting, Loves. We need you here Forever.