Don't Wanna Be Saved | BWWM

19, Unexpectedly United

NINETEEN: Unexpectedly United

Never seeing you again would be a blessing in disguise
You hurt me so bad I couldn’t even cry
This feeling that I feel is so so blue
I wish that you could feel it too
Disgraced me, defaced me
Fixing our relationship a work of fiction
You hurt me beyond recognition

But the worst part is 
I seen myself in you
Good news is 'seen' is past tense
 

AUSTIN MALLORY CHANNING 

Cold sweat again.

I have been waking up with cold sweat for years. It would take time off for a few weeks and start again for the next few weeks. I’ve gotten more used to it but waking up in a wet bed really starts to destroy your mornings and trying to stop going to sleep at night to escape the nightmares are no better.  

I took a shower, and got breakfast with Lucky. I told him how I spent the new years at Taylor’s party almost losing my life as he told me his. He spent most of the new year at Junior’s house with his family instead of drinking and getting shot up. 

“I knew that party was no good.” Lucky said as we left the spot leaving an extra tip for the waitress.  Our classes started regularly the next day and everyone was still talking about Taylor. I didn’t see Cheyenne yet so I just walked to the first period class that we didn’t share. 

She probably was having a hangover. The way she was drinking last night was crazy. I had to help her get back to her dorm. I didn’t drink anything really because of the fact I just got out of rehab and was a desired driver or something like that. 

I still need to pick up my car from Taylor’s house.  

Even if Cheyenne didn’t know it I was watching her not in a weird way but to make sure that she was okay. Because everyone knew what happened at parties that Taylor hosted. Nothing good  but everyone kept coming back. 

The first party Taylor hosted was so memorable I still find new videos on my phone of it. That one party set the foundation for all the parties to come. I only went to celebrate New Year's with Cheyenne.

Going to parties every Friday was more of a Lucky thing. 

Taylor was an only child that I used to hang out with when I would go with my babysitter. She was always looking for a way to please her parents until these last few years. “I can’t believe it.” Lucky shook his head and I didn’t either. I didn't realize it was bullets until Cheyenne was gone. 

I didn’t tell Lucky anything Cheyenne did at the party to preserve her dignity. She probably doesn’t remember anything but I do. When I wasn’t around she was getting drinks poured into her mouth, and found a random friend group to take care of her. 

She did a little dance and she drank so much she was messing up the steps. I tried to get her to stop by grabbing her but it didn’t work. I decided I wasn’t going to stop her. It was her first party and she could have done anything she wanted to. I was just making sure she didn’t do anything she’ll regret. I don’t even think I did that job right. 

I wasn’t even completely sober.

I shouldn’t have let her drink all of that. Now she’s probably struggling to get out of bed. 

 “You better believe it. Apparently her family had mob ties.” I say, bringing my mind back to the conversation. “I’m starting to think everyone does.”

Everyone in this place owed somebody. I always wondered what or who they owed it too. A Lot of people picked up businesses to pay back the money. My father always told me not to get involved and I never did, it was like anyone who owned a house had mob ties to pay it off.