Someday I'll be able not to check if you're online
My waking thought and last won't be about you
My anxieties and fantasies won't orbit around you
And your notifications will most definitely not give me a rush
I'll be able to tolerate you without breaking out in smiles
My heart will be a normal pace.
The time difference between our encounters will go unnoticed
I will succeed in forgetting about you
I'll be over you.
I will fail at loving you.
It will go back to the way things were before you.
An endless and lifeless blur.
My life will always be seen as a haze... in slow motion or burnt out.
And everyone else will go on with their lives.
Time is still moving even when it stops for me.
You are still smiling and living,
Even when I'm hanging on for dear life.
You will continue to live and be happy
Your life will have meaning and love.
It's my turn to be the ghost.
Lifeless or not
It made no difference to me.
Bad timing, so you couldn't stay.
After creating chaos, you're the devil.
Still my light, the one,
The one that got away.
My prayer is for you to still glow
In everything you do, every path to come.
Though it's furthest from me...
Flow.
With every color under your beautiful fingertips
And mischievous sparkle in your eyes
Peace and warmth, too expensive a taste for me perhaps...
So,
Go.
Take what's left of my ashen soul
The dust may settle as snow
Have my love as a carry on,
Go.
-F
