Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 20

(A/N - for those who like music, I wrote this chapter to two songs, the first half is to 'I wanted to leave' by SYML and the second is 'Missing the mark' by Aquilo. They're both on my Spotify Control playlist, but I'll link both and tell you when to play the second song below! ENJOY)

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You can play first song if you please

Nikola's P.O.V

I was supposed to close my eyes in these situations. The deep breaths wouldn't work if I didn't close my eyes.

They had to be shut, otherwise my mind would focus on all the things around me instead of clearing, and then I would become too overwhelmed to calm down. So I was supposed to close my eyes, take several deep breaths— counting each of them off, until eventually, the sharp pain tyrannising my chest would lessen.

I knew the steps— knew that they worked because I usually settled around my twentieth breath. So I should've been doing it now, but the millions of thoughts raging within my mind had already doubled, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find my way to that starting line.

I couldn't find the promised shelter behind my eyes because every time I tried, I'd hear him, and a part of me fractures a little more. I didn't quite remember unveiling the spell around the bathroom, but I must have, because each of his panicked groans echoed off the walls like the sniffs in between them, all slithering to my ears like haunting whispers.

He was crying.

I'd made him cry.

I jolt slightly when cold scales brush against my fingertips. Usually, the chilled traces of the magic living within Knots settled me, but now, it was too much. There was already too much— the spilt beer, his mutters, the cars outside— and adding the chilled ridges of Knots' scales made me feel like I might break.

I shake my head, breaths too shallow to get words out between them, but Knots had never required me to speak to understand what I needed, which was exactly why he eased back, knowing that unlike all the times before, I couldn't have him wrap around me to hold me steady.

This time wasn't like all the rest. This time, everything was more than just loud, and I didn't know how to make it stop.

Staring blankly ahead, my eyes settled on the countertop opposite me and in a heated flash, my most recent memories come back to life, reminding me of how Hagen and I had come undone there, how our lips had met and—

"Nik!"
"Please."
"So good."
"Stop!"

My breaths surface faster, my heart pounding so viscously my eyes stung. It all comes so quickly that I almost believe it was only in my head— a fantasy that had simply felt more real than all the others, that was all. But then I could still taste him on my tongue, his scent was buried under my nails, and the toppled beer bottle was still dribbling its contents all over the floor.

I hadn't even noticed it fall.

I try to recall it, the moment it might've tipped over while our bodies were too webbed to notice, but there was no clear imprint in my mind after the moment Hagen fisted my shirt in his hands and pulled me into him. Following that world-altering moment, it had all become a blur, and now.... he was crying.

Hagen was crying.

My lips pull tight, but that just reminds me of how achingly raw they were. We'd been greedy with each other, taking and claiming all we could, but before that, for a moment, I could remember it had been bliss.

For one perfect endless moment, when our lips had first met, and a bolt of electric magic had zapped up my spine hitting every single vertebra on the way, it had been bliss— better than my most vivid daydreams, better than my most secret desires, and then—