Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 50

Hagen's POV

Routines had always been hard for me to grasp.

How people could do pretty much the same thing every day, at the same times, was something I never understood when my life, as simple as it was, always felt like a literal metaphor for a shitshow.

The closest I'd ever gotten to some semblance of structure in my life had been when Nikola had been setting me up with daily tasks, but even that had felt a little superficial when I had no real responsibilities. As far as I was concerned, I was pretty much hopeless when it came to making use of my days.

A week away from my apartment, my pack and pretty much everything I'd ever known, proved that shit wrong.

Turns out, I am great with routines once they aren't centred around me, but rather my mate.

It went like this— every day, I woke up two hours before Nikola's prompt 7 am start. During that time, I found something to eat before I hit each of his usual spots to make sure they were as he'd left them or how he liked them. I fixed pillows just so, and cleared any specs of dust, no matter how small, and then I took my post outside of his bedroom door and waited for him to come out with that fixed frown of his.

That was all Nik did now when he looked at me, frowned, and the lines only seemed to sink deeper each day he came out and saw me waiting in the same spot.

From there, my day went however Nikola's day went.

If he was spending time in the massive library of scrolls and books, I'd find a corner to watch him from while I held some random book in my lap to keep my fingers still. If he got lost in his grimoire and practised spells, I watched from the sidelines while I tried to coax Knots over with my eyes.

Knots was as scornful as his owner, seemingly annoyed by my presence and waiting for the day I'd prove them all right and give up. Only that day would never come and I knew Nik would see that... eventually. I just had to be patient.

Exactly — Zyair agrees quickly — You just have to show him that your words are true and not empty.

I nod, giving him a mental squeeze while I roll the coil of paper between my fingers, my eyes fixed on the sliver of space beneath Nikola's door.

The only times I parted from his side were when he spent time with his family, who had made their disdain for me perfectly clear, or when he went to bed, and then, I'd spend most of my night outside of his room because I slept better on the cold bare floor than I did in the comfortable bed on the other side of the castle.

Then, it started all over again.

It should have been boring, frustrating, and even a little depressing, and it was... Nikola's frowns hurt, like his glares, and talking to myself for days on end was starting to make me feel a little crazy. But in some twisted way, I also kind of liked it.

Not Nikola ignoring me— that was worse than hot coals on my back, and bearing the weight of everyone's hatred was only growing harder— but outside of those agonies, I liked how simple it was just being near Nikola.

I knew it wasn't right, but I breathed easier following after him than I ever had when I was on my own in my apartment, even before Nikola had joined me.

Life had never felt this simple. Living for Nikola made it simple, and if this was how things felt like this, I sometimes lost myself in my own head imagining how much better it would be if I had Nikola's love again.

To say I wanted it— needed it— failed to capture the lengths I would go to to claim it.

It was that desperation that had me adding a new phase to my tentative plan of winning my mate back. Zyair said apologising and being present wasn't enough because Nikola could reason it as stubbornness, which meant I had to show him my love in other ways.