Is it Love? :Liskook

Chapter 14 : Realisation

Jungkook's POV:

It has been a hour since we've been sitting quietly near the han river. I did not know what to say nor Lisa tried to start the conversation.

I mean...I don't even blame her.

What would she even say to me? I'm the one who cried like a baby and pulled her into such an awkward position. I'm not even her friend for god's sake!

But...But to be honest, The silence between us was not depressing. It was surprisingly peaceful which I really needed after what had happened.

But is it all Nara's fault? Should I really blame her for everything she did?

Or am I the reason she has done everything?

Is my love not enough for her?

I felt like my heart was ripping as the memories of her flashed back in my mind.  She seemed so happy in my memories, She said she would marry me one day just like we promised each other...Then where it went wrong? When did she decided that I'm not the one?

I've loved her with all my heart. I have-

"Jungkook, Are you alright?" A familiar voice echoed in the quiet night and I glanced beside me.

Lisa was staring at me, Worriedly.

Strange.

"I...I'm fine"

"But you are bleeding!" She gasped and I frowned.

"I'm bleeding?"

"Yes! Your nose is bleeding!" She said and before I could react with my common sense, She was already covering my bloody nose with her handkerchief.

I tried to shove away her hands but she was too strong.

"Stop wiggling your damn hands!" She warned and glared at me "Or else I'm going to break your nose in return"

Wow! What a sweet mouth she has.

Even though I was kind of irritate by the choice of words that she used, I did not want to try out my luck and end up getting punched my her so I shut my mouth and let her do whatever she wanted.

She was now gently wiping the fresh blood from my face while I stared at her frown between her brows.

She looked kind of cute under the moonlight. But I don't know if it was she was cute or it was the beauty of moon herself. I think the answer is later one.

Her nose was red and her cheeks pink. Probably it was because of the chilly wind of night. Her black hair was blowing along the wind and I wondered how it smells like-

What the heck am I thinking?

"It's done" Her voice pulled me back into my sense and I blinked at her.

She sat back properly and shove me the handkerchief on my hands.

"Keep it. I don't like blood" She said and looked away, crunching her nose slightly.

This weirdo!

"I don't remember asking for your help" I snapped back and earned a glare from her.

"Yes, I was the one who kept insisting to help you" She replied sarcastically and I ignored her.

I need the peaceful silence that we had earlier.

However, This time Lisa decided to break it.

"I know I'm not in the position to ask you this" She began and I thought I kind of knew what she was going to say but I was totally wrong about her unpredictable mind.

"Are you sad?" She asked, confusing me with her question and I frowned at her.

"What-what do you mean?"

"I asked are you sad?" She repeated like I couldn't hear her and I snapped.

"I heard you" I said "But I don't know what you mean by that"

She frowned.

"It is just a simple question" She stated and looked at me, seriously "Just answer in yes or no"

I stared at her.

But I could not answer her right away because... because I really did not know if I was sad or am I just disappointed.

I have loved Nara for so long and at this point of our relationship, I've gave my everything. My time, My self respect, My patience, My forgiveness... everything.

But is it worth it?

After the harsh truth about her relationship with my brother, I was beyond shocked and i  felt truly betrayed. But this time, I did not felt shock. It was just disappointing.

So am I sad?

I gulped and wet my dry lips before glancing at her brown eyes.

"I don't know" I replied honestly while she stared at me. However I cannot tell what she was thinking.

She blinked and looked away quietly. Instead of saying anything, She choose to look upon the han river while I looked at her side view.

"It is kind of weird that people changed so much with the time,right?" She asked, looking far away "One second they are everything you need and the next second, They are gone"

Her voice became quiet as she continued "I knew this particular feeling. I used to be mad while thinking about the things they've done to me and to my heart. And I even thought that I would beat them up and never forgave this person for the betrayal. But when I saw this person the other day, I could not do anything"

A serene smile crossed her face "I was not mad nor sad but just... disappointed. Not at them but at the time and our fate"

She sighed and lowered her sad gaze "I'm not forgiving them nor I will try to justify their actions. But what I will do is try to move on and accept the fact that they are not meant to be"

She nodded more to herself and glanced at me "I know it's not easy but we can try, Right?"

I could not reply to her question.

... because I knew that she was right and I was afraid with the idea to move on.

For the first time, I realised that I was afraid to end this relationship because I was afraid that I have to move and had to start all over again. I was hanging on my mother's wish to marry her even though somewhere deep inside my heart I knew that I did not truly love her. I was just in love with the idea of having her in my life.

But is it too late to admit my fears and move on like Lisa said?

But what about my mother's last wish?

If I end this relationship, Will I ever able to find a right person for me?

There were so many questions in my head but I had no answers.