Tempted to Touch 2

39

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"I am not going to ask if you are okay. I know that you are not..."

Nakatingin lang ako sa labas habang nagmamaneho si Enzo. Sinundo niya ako mula sa bahay na binili ni Theon at naiwan ito roon.

As much as I wanted to stay beside him, I knew that I should give him space and time to absorb what happened... Hindi naman madali.

Kahit na hindi nahawakan ni Theon ang anak namin, hindi nito nakita, hindi nakilala, hindi rin madaling tanggapin na namatayan kaming dalawa ng anak.

Hindi madaling maalis ang sakit kahit pa ilang libong beses kong marinig na magiging okay lang ang lahat.

It's not like that.

Hindi naman parang lagnat lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko, o namin ni Theon na sa simpleng gamot, ilang raw lang magiging okay na.

It has been years but the pain is still here... hindi nawala. Hindi nabawasan. Nananatili lang sa akin.

I wiped my cheek and opted to just look outside.

Tinawagan ko si Enzo kanina para magpasundo dahil alam ko naman na hindi na ako maihahatid ni Theon dahil sa naging estado nito.

Enzo came and Theon didn't even speak to him. Hindi na ito kumibo matapos kaming mag-usap at kahit noong nagpaalam ako rito na uuwi na ako, hindi niya rin ako kinibo. Hindi niya ako kinausap at wala ako sa posisyon na sumama ang loob dito.

He felt bad and sad that we lost our baby.

He also felt bad and mad that I intended to keep it from him...

Hindi madaling lunukin iyon. Hindi madaling tanggapin ang bagay na iyon at ayoko na ring magsinungaling kay Theon kaya naman sinabi ko na sa kanya ang totoo.

"He will come to his senses, Lean. Just give him time," ani Enzo sa akin. Inabot nito ang kamay ko at marahan iyong pinisil.

I looked at her and smiled a little.

"You should've seen his face when he's talking about living there... making a family..." naramdaman kong muli ang pagpatak ng mga luha sa mga mata ko habang inaalala kung paanong masaya si Theon kanina lamang umaga.

"Lean..." he reached for my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Theon will come to his senses, okay? You both need time and space to think, maybe to cry, too." pagpapalakas ng loob ko na sabi ni Enzo.

I leaned on my seat and smiled sadly. "He was so happy, Enzo. He was so excited showing me the house, telling me his plans... and I ruined it all..." Hindi ko makakalimutan kung paanong nasaktan si Theon sa sinabi ko sa kanya.

Inasahan ko ang bagay na iyon pero iba pa rin noong nakita ko na. It was very similar to the Theon I left before. Kung paano itong nasaktan noong papaalis ako ng bansa noon... maybe he's in more pain right now...

"It was my fault..." mahinang sabi ko habang humihikbi. "It was all my fault..." I looked down and clenched my fist.

"Don't beat yourself too hard, Lean. None of us blames you for what happened..." Enzo still tries to console me. "Hindi mo rin naman ginusto ang nangyari sa'yo."