Mary Routledge | Outer Banks

The Bonfire

"He deserved it, right?" JJ asked us.

JJ, Kie, and Pope were now at the docks, while John B and I were laying on the HMS. Sarah had stayed in Figure 8 with her family, it was understandable, her dad just died.

"Are you joking?" Kie asked him. "Of course he deserved it."

"Never seen anyone blow themselves up like that." Pope said.

"Cross that one off the bucket list." JJ said.

"JJ!" Kie reprehended.

"Sucks for Sarah." JJ said sadly.

Kie walked up near the boat, and sat down on the HMS next to us.

"Are you guys okay?" She asked us softly.

John B and I had barely spoken since it happened. It was a mixture of feelings, mainly when I thought of Sarah and Rafe.

"It's not us I'm worried about." John B said looking at me.

Even though I wanted to kill Ward, I couldn't help but wondering about Rafe... he must've been devastated. After all, he lived to please his dad and now... now he was gone. If Rafe was feeling lost before, I could even imagine what he was feeling now.

And Sarah... even though Sarah was mad at Ward, he was her dad and she loved him. And now she would think about how when he died, she wasn't able to make things right with him... it also sucked for her.

After a while, Kie and I went to lay on the hammocks.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Kie asked me.

"I don't know." I sighed. "On one hand, I'm glad the son of a bitch is dead, you know? Better yet, I wish I had killed him, actually." I said, making her look at me slightly surprised. "But then... then I think about Sarah and Rafe and how much pain they're in and it's just... it's complicated." I sighed. "I'm not glad that they're feeling pain, but I am glad that the thing that causes them pain happened. And it makes me feel even worse thinking that I wanted to be the one to do it."

"Look, it's totally normal what you're going through. I mean, he killed your dad and almost killed your brother twice. I would be more surprised if you didn't want him dead. However, I think you need to be careful around Sarah. You know what it's like to lose a dad, so just... try to be sympathetic, alright?" Kie told me.

"Yeah, yeah... I'll try." I nodded.

After a few minutes of silence, decided to get up.

"I'm going for a walk." I told her.

"Are you sure? Want me to go with you?" She asked me.

"No, no. I just... I think I need to be alone right now." I said honestly.

"Alright. Just... call if you need anything alright?" She said slightly worried.

"I will." I reassured as I started to walk away.

"Hey. Hey!" I heard JJ call behind me, making me stop to look back at him. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk." I told him as he reached me.

"Are you okay?" He asked me softly.

"... Yeah." I hesitated, but nodded. "Don't worry."

JJ stood there looking at me, analyzing me.

"Want me to go with you?" He asked me.

"No, no. You stay here with John B. He's worse than me. I'll be fine, I swear." I reassure.

"Fine... just-be careful." He told me.

"I will." I said giving him a sweet smile as I rested my hand on his cheek before leaving.