Perfectly Casual

I. IRKED MUCH? HELL YEAH

"I looked. He was already staring"

SMIRA'S POV.

People say life is simple. Well for some of us life might be, no doubt. But not for me. From the day I was born; it has never always been good to me. When I thought that yes maybe I can now live, something has to happen which can crash my hopes, or make me feel guilty to even believe that thought. "God, you are hard to comprehend" my dad's voice boomed in the kitchen from the distance I could hear a plate breaking down on the floor. Again.  Well, for me it's not something new. Dad and Mom's daily argument has now become a part of my life.

My parents shooting each other's heads off with their high voices and complaints about each other, or maybe dad breaking things off in anger, or maybe mum crying after that. All of this had never been since my childhood. We were also once a happy living family with so much love and care for each other, but it all changed suddenly after one night. And from that; everything changed, from that night I lost my parents, my mum, and dad who used to be so in love with each other and used to love me so much, and all of this disappeared into thin air. From that day the home becomes just a place where four people live under the same roof. No more late-night conversations, no more late-night walks, no more late-night ice cream, and no more family day.

Mum never once told me exactly what happened and that why they changed so much. And I never tried to find out that too, scared to find out something that might change my view of seeing my parents.

I took my bag saw myself one last time in the mirror and went out of my room. The moment I stepped out I saw my Sister stepping out of her room. Seeing my expression, she blinks her eyes telling me that it's okay. She always does that whenever Mum and Dad get into a fight. Giving her a fake small smile we both went downstairs. The first thing I noticed when I got into the kitchen was white vessel broke into small sharp pieces. Hmm, Dad got a new kink of breaking vessels now !? Good.

"All plates are out of stock or what, that dad started breaking vessels now?" Dii said in her usual sarcastic tone. I liked that she said what was on my mind and if it was some other time I would have winked at her but not now. Not when mum is crying and the atmosphere is dark and pessimistic. I went towards Mum kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in mine.

I don't like to see Mum cry, she's the most decisive woman not only in her married life but also in her career. She's a lawyer, always fighting for others to give justice but never once fought for herself. She does advise others but never once implemented one of them. Our relationship is not as close as usual mum-daughter but we understand each other. She cares for me and so do I. After that night, along with everything; my relationship with Mum also changed. We became apart. Allowed distance to come between us and now that distance become so big that it's hard to peel off.

"you okay?" I asked in a low voice. Well, I know she isn't; but that's all I can ask. Not that I have the right to talk freely with her. Not anymore.

"Nothing, I'm okay. You guys can carry your daily routine " Before I could say anything more, she got on and all I could see was an empty chair, where she sat.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and facing up I saw Dii. I got up on my feet. She gently pats my cheek saying "Nothing gonna change, cherry. Don't hurt yourself because of these people. They would have changed if they wanted, but they didn't. Meaning, they will not in the future too."  I hate the fact that she's right. That I'm a fool to hope that maybe I'll have my family back. Again.

But instead of showing it on my face, I simply smile at her nodding my head that I understood and that I accepted that fact. Which I didn't, and I never will. I guess so. But she doesn't have to know that. I can't just simply give up. There's still that small girl buried deep inside me who wished to have a real family. The family that can make her feel loved, protected, and worthy. I have my people who do this but  I still don't have a family.