Perfectly Casual

XIX. I Screwed Up

"I pretend to look around
But, I'm actually looking
For You"

AAYAN'S POV

The sun's rays were falling on my eyes, making me groan. I got up and sat properly on the bed. My muscles were aching due to the improper position I was in the whole night. I kept the book on the side table and rubbed my eyes to wake up myself fully.

I opened the door and saw Smira's door was still closed.

Maybe she's still sleeping.

I opened her door carefully without making a noise. I just want to see her. But the moment I opened the door my heart started to beat faster. Her room was empty. I went directly into the hall and there she wasn't. I saw them in the kitchen too but there was no trace of her.

I stumbled back in fear.

Where did she go?

I came back into the hall and saw a paper under the paperweight. I took it and saw it was a note left by Smira.

It said

I'm leaving the house. Yesterday whatever you said was right. I should not have crossed my line. I should have behaved properly. I apologize for yesterday. Leaving the house is my decision. I'm not blaming you and so you also don't blame yourself. I'll carry out all the responsibilities I promised you according to our contract. There's breakfast I kept on the kitchen counter. Do not forget to eat.

Have a great day.

Smira~

~

I groan in annoyness. I fucked up I know I did. I fucking lost my senses yesterday when I shouted at her. Her sad and lachrymose face still lingers in my mind. I slammed my hand on the table hard.

The other day, I talked with Miss. Khan, she has her divorce and her family keeps taunting her about the divorce. I simply asked her does divorce affects women to this extent. And she said that yes it does, when a woman gets divorced the whole society, including her family thinks that it's her fault for it. Her whole life is affected by it because in the spam of her marriage, she has been seen with her husband to every place but out of a sudden she is alone and that affects her love life too.

And at that moment it struck me about Smira, after a year when our contract ends she will go through this. And I don't want that. I don't want her to get into trouble when she thinks of someone in future. The thought of her being with someone did make me go crazy and lose my shit but it's a fact. She won't fall for me and I'm not thinking of falling for her.

And that's why I was not talking with her for the past week. I don't know what has gotten into me but I just felt that if we stayed away from each other, talked less with each other or did not go anywhere together would make it easier for her to continue her life after a year. And it will somehow control the chaotic thunder of emotions I feel for her.

It was idiocy.

I know it wasn't her fault yesterday, but the thought of not having her after a year with me and the self-control which was slipping from myself made me lose my shit. I talked so rudely with her, I fucking raised my voice at her. I said so many hurtful things to her. I wished I could take it back and just, just keep her to myself.

She left home because I told her, I practically forced her to leave the home and still she's been an angel who tells me it's not my fault and that I should not blame myself.

She even cooked breakfast for me!

Fucking lucky bastard...

I roam my eyes across the whole house and it feels so empty. I feel so alone. In these few months, she created her place in this house and made it home. And now that she isn't here making me mad at myself for hurting her. I groan in agony, slamming my hand hard on the table.