What if I Stayed? (Thiam Fic)

Chapter Ten

A/N: There's going to be some discussion of death, depression, mental illness and abuse as this book continues. This chapter is the start of it. Always reach out if you struggle with mental illness or abuse as you deserve everything! 

Theo sat in his bedroom, thinking. Isaac moving back to Beacon Hills was great but he wondered how this would affect Scott and Kira especially since the last time they'd seen each other, Scott had begged him not to leave because he loved him and Isaac had gone anyways. It got him thinking about Liam. And Tara.

Theo didn't want to think about Tara. She'd been killed when he was nine by what he now believed, were the people who made it possible for him to be a chimera. Liam didn't need to know that. The story he'd told was a dumbed down version of it.

He had told Scott that he hadn't fought back because he didn't want to hurt Liam. It was only partially true as the reason was a part of him hoped Liam would kill him. He wanted this kid to take him out so he could have peace at last. Theo had tried taking himself out a few times yet either failed or just couldn't go through with it in the end. Letting Liam rip him to shreds was easier until he realized that Liam's eyes would turn blue. The cold steel blue that told anyone who knew that he was a murderer.

Theo refused to let that happen to Liam.

"I'm fucked." Isaac said from the doorway, startling Theo out of his pityfest. "I'm completely and utterly fucked."

"Talked to Scott?" Isaac was staying with Theo for a few weeks since normally, he'd just stay at Scott's which wasn't really an option right now. 

"Not yet but I can smell the anger radiating from him." He groaned, jumping onto Theo's bed face first. "Plus I totally was a jackass, trying to act like nothing happened."

"I'd say you were a jackass when you left him for France and didn't call for three months." 

"Another fair point." Theo smiled at his friend who seemed to want to be eaten by the bed whole. "Plus I really regretted the whole thing and planned to call but I lost my phone and Argent can suck sometimes."

"You still like Scott?" Theo asked, standing up to grab a book from his shelf to look at while Isaac ranted.

"Obviously!" Isaac flipped over and sat up dramatically, "Argent tried to leave without me saying Scott was in danger and I like, ran here. I regret leaving so goddamn much Theo."

"He's with Kira now." Theo said, not sure how Isaac would react to that. Silence filled the room for a few seconds. "Isaac?"

"I know. I know he is which is why I'm not going to say anything." 

"Isaac-"

"If he ever manages to forgive me, I'm not going to mess that up by telling him that I actually like him still." Theo froze, realzing his situation was scarily simlair to his own. "Theo? You good?"

"I'm kind of deal with something similair so it just uh reminded me." Theo tried to shrug it off but Isaac was a persistent person.

"You like someone? Theodore Raeken!" Isaac jumped to his feet, grabbing him by the shoulders.

"I do not!" Theo snapped but he heard it as his heart skipped a beat and sped up a little.

"You're lying! I can hear your heartbeat! Oh my God! You totally like someone!" Isaac with most people, was a cold person who rarely showed too much emotion. Him and Stiles had constant banter thanks to their sarcastic nature. Seeing him energentic was a change of pace only Theo and a few others really got.

"No I just fucked up when it came to a friend." Theo admitted and Isaac shook his head, falling back onto the couch. Again; drama queen.

"Can we blame being gay on why we're such disasters?"

"I was going to go with our childhoods and upbringings." Theo teased, raising an eyebrow. Their friendship was something special. Having both been brought up in shitty homes and terrible parents, they used humor and each other as coping mechanisms. 

"I like it. Milk everything we can out of the freezer and the locked box some more." Theo shivered as the words left Isaac's mouth remembering those terrifyinf nights.

There was silence. Not an uncomfortable silence at all but a calm one. Theo's mind raced though with the reminders of what happened last night. Flashes of Liam on top of him, attacking him mixed with the cursing, yelling and threats of a scared and wild teen boy.

"You smell like blood by the way. I didn't mention anything but you like reek of it." Isaac added and despite his cool demeanour, Theo could smell his concern and slight worry. Benefits to being a werewolf.

"Part of my problem right now actually." Theo turned away from Isaac as he continued, "Liam's the guy I messed up with. I kind of uh lied to him about taking him to a party last night and we ended up talking about some serious stuff of his, including shit he hadn't told anyone. Then it turned out I had tricked him. Full moon got too much and he tried to kill me."

"So you fucked him up?" Isaac asked, having seen Theo in full action, he knew that he wasn't one to shy away from a fight and whoever he's against should be ware.

"No I just kinda... let it happen? Like Derek with Boyd and Cora on the fullmoon."

"Oh." Isaac sounded weird, like he was far away. He was probably remembering his first pack, his friends who had died. Boyd and Erica. Isaac would never say it but it's obvious their deaths had left him messed up.

"Now he won't even look at me and I feel like shit about it." Theo finished, sitting next to Isaac as he did so. He wasn't sure why Liam being upset with him was such a big deal, most of the school avoided him like that. Liam was different though. He knew that. 

"Wow," Isaac muttered, "We both are some fucking disasters, aren't we?"