What if I Stayed? (Thiam Fic)

Chapter Twenty Eight

A/N: This chapter focuses on some Stiles guilt with the nogitsune and goes into some suicidal feelings. Don't read this chapter if that triggers you <3

Stiles had pretty much accepted his fate, staring down the barrel of a gun. The chemist, or Simon, as he'd introduced himself that morning as, was looking at him with a vacant expression. 

"You did it." Stiles was trying to control his shaking breath and body.

"Yes I did do it." The chemist smiled slightly but his eyes were still lifeless, like there was no emotion behind them. "Now, in order to get my payment, I need to confirm that I've killed them. You're not worth any money Stiles, so, why don't you do the right thing and tell me where they're hiding."

"Is the benefactor coming here himself to prove it or do you prefer snapchat?" Stiles joked, trying to buy time. Last year, he would've run or cried when faced with a gun.

"Tell me where they are Stiles." He repeated.

"Think I saw them in the library." Stiles' voice was weak as he spoke, he knew it wasn't believable but he was willing to try anything to save his friends.

"Already checked it. Where are they Stiles?" The gun was cocked and Stiles felt something deep inside him take over. Maybe the sickness had brought something else back, something he'd thought had been killed. His face transformed from a scared seventeen year old to something darker. Someone with power.

"You think you can scare me?" He stepped forward, into the barrel of the gun. His face dead serious as he did so. His voice was cold and dark. 

"No, I think I can kill you." The chemist said matter of factly, "You're friends are going to die anyways. I will find them. Don't you think one of you deserves to live?"

Not me, is all that Stiles could think. The words bounced around is his head. He didn't. He had killed people, hurt them, destroyed people in ways beyond most people's most awful nightmares. Allison, Aiden, deputies and more. Those people were all dead thanks to him. Isaac and Scott had been destroyed thanks to him. Lydia lost her boyfriend and bestfriend back to back. Malia nearly died, Kira was attacked, his own father was put in danger. 

So did this man think that Stiles would really just let himself live in exchange for his friend's lives? No. He didn't deserve to be alive in the first place.

"Tell you what," The chemist's voice had taken on a mocking tone, "I'll give you to the count of three to tell me and if you don't I'll put a bullet in your head."

Stiles couldn't speak. His whole body was shaking as he began to wonder what the others would think. Would they even live long enough to know he died? Probably not but hopefully, somehow, they managed to find something to cure them. 

"One," The count down had started. Stiles closed his eyes tightly, not wanting the last thing he saw be his killer and the pull of a trigger. He thought of Malia. Her beautiful long hair that she played with while she was focused. Or the way her brown eyes glared at people who she didn't like. Everything about her. He wanted to remember that.

"Two," What about his dad? That was now all he could think about. His dad would be left all alone. No wife, no son. He wanted to see his dad one last time. He wanted his dad.

"Three," As the loud bang rang out, echoing in the locker room, it felt like time slowed down. Stiles expected sharp pain and then nothingness but instead, a splash of warm liquid hit his face. Was he somehow feeling his own head get blown out as a ghost of some sort?

Stiles opened his eyes and saw Simon on the floor, dead as a doormat. His brain and blood were oozing out, creating a sick sort of halo around his head. His lifeless eyes finally fit him, as he stared into oblivion, completely unblinking.

"Stiles? Are you okay?" He looked up to see Agent McCall, standing there while holding a gun. It took him a few seconds to put everything together. "Stiles?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Stiles started wiping the blood off his face, fighting back the urge to throw up and cry at the same time. He'd seen a lot of gruesome deaths but the adrenalin plus the absolute gore in front of him made it difficult.

"You're dad told me to tell you something." McCall continued, clearly stressed but trying to relay a message that was life or death. "He said that in the vault, there are purple Reishi mushrooms. Those are the cure."

The vault. His friends. His dad. it was too much but there wasn't time to process anything. He had to run. He had to get to Scott, Isaac and Theo. And Malia. Malia was the worst off when he'd left and he wanted to throw up, thinking about what could've happened in the time he was gone.

"Guys?" Stiles shouted, rushing back down the boiler room stairs, practically flying down them. He wasn't even sure he touched the ground. When he got to the door, his stomach sank. "No. No!" He yelled, banging on the door he couldn't open.

"Scott! Scott!" He screamed, praying that Scott as the Alpha was in the best condition. "Scott can you hear me? The cure's in there! It's purple mushrooms! Scott! You have the cure in there! Scott! Theo! Isaac! Guys? The cure's in there! Purple mushrooms!" Tears streamed down his face as his throat began to burn with the effort he was using to try and shout. "Scott!"

His hands were bloody and raw, punching against stone he knew his human strength had no chance of breaking. His body gave out, legs crumbling beneath him as he leaned against the wall. He was too late. He was too late, and the people he loved had died because he wasn't fast enough, wasn't strong enough.

"Malia." Stiles croaked out, sobs wracking through his body. The salty tears mixed with Simon's blood and when he put his head in his hands, they were covered in the blood as well. Stiles thought it was fitting in a way, since he'd killed so many people.

As much as Stiles would deny it if you asked him, a part of him wished that the chemist had taken his shot sooner.