𝐯 𝗼 𝐢 𝐜 𝐞 𝐬 [𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱]

S|ix

felix may not know much about how his heart and head work, but he knows something.

his love for hyunjin is neverending.

felix wants to not just be with him, he wants to share his soul. he wants them to share life together, to be together forever. it's like a string made with the purest gold stretched just to sow felix's heart back together, and it's laced with love from the other.

he wants to indulge in the other, he wants to think the same, talk the same, and he admires hyunjin to a whole different level. this isn't just love, fuck this is more than that. this is absolute desire, lust stretched thick too thin.

touch is something he loves, but he wants to be touched in the most intimate places just by hyunjin. his body is only for him, this is not a share or pass around.

remember the divine right felix holds to hyunjin. he would let hyunjin break him, ruin him, and shake him to his core. he doesn't care, as long as he gets to be with his lover.

felix is pure light, the sunshine to wake everyone up. sunshine to bless everyone's hearts. bring people back to life with just a smile. a single drop of hope and love dropped from the sun, planted into a seed, that can save a person from death, sickness, and even from depression.

hopefully, felix's sunshine gets back to him soon.

if felix is the sun, does that make hyunjin the moon?

hyunjin is there to keep everyone safe, even when the sun isn't out, he guides people, shining bright and being able to light up the night even with a simple glare, a simple touch,

or a simple kiss.

intimacy is a deep thing in his life. it's when his view of people changes when he shares his darkest secrets. he wants to worship the other, cry for him, love him forever, kiss him and even if he breaks he'll pick up the pieces of anyone's broken heart and connect them together with that gold string again, filled with lust and love.

filled with promise.

on rare days, the moon and sun share the same place.

so their love is like an eclipse, isn't it?

it may be once in a while, once a day, once a year, even once a decade, but when it happens, two lovers cross this path to become the same being. to share the same lust-woven gold string.

their hearts beat for each other.

hopefully, they will be able to express their love for each other,

before it's too late.

____

it's six in the morning, and felix wakes up to the sounds of super small cries. hyunjin was still sleeping so it wasn't him and the only room next to his is chan's.

felix slips out of hyunjin's arms carefully, walking out the door as quietly as possible. when he gets into the hallway, he sees chan's door is open just the tiniest bit, like someone went in and forgot to close it all the way. instead of barging in or knocking, he goes close to the door and tries to listen to the conversation being held.

the conversation broke his heart.

"chan, it is not your fault, you have to realize that," minho sat next to chan on his bed, chan had his arms on his knees, hands together, and shaking his head.

"minho, I failed. how did I not see this coming? he hates himself minho and I can't do anything to help! i promised him I would be there for him if it happened again but I couldn't do anything! he doesn't even rellie on me, he's always with hyunjin, it's like he can't even talk to me about his feelings" chan cries, weren't anything big, his voice seemed like he was angrier at himself rather than others.

minho put his hand on chan's back, "you are there for him, you can't read minds chan, you can't control everything. you being here, alive and well is more than enough for felix and you know that. you didn't fail, hyunjin isn't taking over he's just as concerned as you. but remember felix looks up to you, so it might be hard for him to come to you with certain things because he doesn't want to let you down."

chan just shook his head back in forth, his hand in his hair, gripping his hair harshly.

"you remember when I told you when jisung got into a bad situation one time with a guy, I swore i'd protect him with everything I had? with my life if I need to?" minho tries to take chan's hands from gripping his hair, scared the other was going to rip his hair out with how forceful he was being, "but then one day, the one day I wasn't walking with him, the same guy tried something with him, do you remember?"

chan nodded his head letting minho continue to talk,

"then what happened chan?" minho asked.

"I saw and I helped jisung," he mumbled.

"yes, you did. now let's use this situation, you said you never let felix go through this harmful state again, but hyunjin is helping him now. you are there for felix, but it's okay to lean on others. you helped han when I wasn't there, and now hyunjin's helping him, not replacing you but supporting him as well. don't forget you raised hyunjin well. he's so careful with felix," minho said, finally calming chan down enough to remove his hands from his hair.

felix didn't want to hear anymore. he already felt horrible that he was being burdensome to chan and even minho. he's being burdensome to all the members right now in his mind.

felix went back into his room, and he saw that hyunjin was no longer in the bed or felix thought he probably went to the bathroom or even back to his own room.

you hurt the members

you made chan cry

minho hyung hates you

all felix could hear now are the voices.

you should go for a run

you're still ugly

they just pity you

felix didn't know what to do, he was just so angry at himself and the voices.

he didn't know why but suddenly he just felt this sudden rage arise in him. he locked the door and started throwing all his stuff off the floor, breaking his mirror with his bare fist. she slid all his glass frames and shelves on the floor, he took his clothes out the closet and just shoved them into bags. he wanted to get rid of everything, he didn't want to see himself in his room anymore.

he wants it to be empty.

cuts littered his small hands, even one on his face, they weren't on purpose, but felix couldn't help but love the sting. his computer is smashed, television too. his night light is on the floor shattered. tiny pieces of glass were all over the room. he's so into his own world he doesn't even realize it when he heard multiple knocks on his door.

he's out of breath, inhaling sharply, which took a lot of energy out of him.

felix snapped out of it finally when he hears keys jingling in the hallway trying to open his door. he looks around and looks at the damage he's done.

god, they're going to think I'm crazy.

_____

(wc; 1.2k)