REMIND HER HER REMINDER

DESIRE

I love how we desire plenty of stuffs in our minds and hearts.Its amazing to have a list of it but it's depressing to not get to any.

I want you
I desire to have or be wid you
I need you

Can i have the three offered in different ways to me and none being with intentions of tearing me apart again.I dont know either.....

Has realistic mind graphics ever made you overthink shitts and at the end you be like fuck it !!?Well it happens to me.

Vivid coloured graphics.

I really wanted to text or maybe call Victor and ask him if hes okay with the previous chapter .But it felt like im starting a conversation and he doesn't want that and i dont know if i want that either.

What i know is that i dont want him scolding at me or telling me to forget about him using them raspy words that tear me apart .but then again i want him to remind me of how special i am.Hes a big gadfly but he draws out how i deal with every thing in the best positive ways.

I want him to know that im there for him when he needs anything .I want the best for him the same way he sees the blinded depths of the best sides of all my worst tales.

How he's going to find out I wrote all this gives me goosebumps and nausea.And its all not in a good way.

I listen to 6lack and Victor you always in my mind when that one song plays.We both know how much "pretty little fears" takes out the conscious side of our flashbacks to the unconscious memories of our teen hood.

But fuck it !!!

Then i look at Odilla my first love and i just want us ending up together you know.
Have them kids with locs then hold it right there.....
Whats the best of him that makes me want to stick??
Id say loving him genuinely.I grew up loving Odila and my love for him grew as days flew.
Hes not always available for me and when he is ,he is probably jelous of something i posted .

Im not even sure if he'd settle with me.If he'd be patient with me despite the distance.
I always wanted him to break my virginity but will he or even did he??
All i wanted was we have the perfect tale to tell our children.

I see your smile and it warms my heart.Funny how i became juice wrld lyrics in smile.

Id do anything in this world just to see you smile even when it means i aint by your side.I love how the weeknd blends in it at the end .His lyrics is definitely us Odilla.

You say if its meant to be itll be .But do you want it to be Bebe Rexha??
Huh?

I dont know why i tend to explain about the things I post yet we aint together!WHY DOES IT HURT YOU THAT BAD?....that it tends to bring an argument yet im not yours!

I hate how today you make me feel so treasured when we facetime then the next day im a fucking stranger to you .

Do you even know how i feel when i find your missed call??
I feel like i wasnt available for you at that moment, so i call back and you never pick or call back  when you find my million calls .....

Im vulnerable
so you know .
Im pretty vulnerable.

But all that is now covered with her.Her that loves me right, her that makes me feel like happiness should be my every day meal.

I love how she sends me her every day snap smiling and i can tell that she has alot to deal with behind that smile ....that pretty smile she gives.my pretty Fajie.

I fear getting hurt by her because im giving my whole self to her.Including my vulnerability.I want her to know that i love her so much.And im finding peace when i talk to her.I tell you ,her voice drains away my anxieties .

I want her to be secure around me.We humans are unpredictable ,that aint no capp, but for Fajie .....for me to you love .....im not the former douche bag i was .

Im letting my guard down once again just for you Fajie.Please dont make me regret doing this.i pray things work best for both of us .Even when fate has to take a different turn and our destiny is different.I want to be there for you ,give you a emotional warmth that I never got on my cold days.

For that's what got my heart stone cold.