REMIND HER HER REMINDER

SCARED!!

And at this point im just floating in thin air....
My heads about to burst and i just want to shout ...im thinking after work i get high and go for swimming

Odhiambo .

Lets switch my problems to a tale for a min.

The first time i locked eyes w him i knew i wanted to taste his lips ....
I didnt want to fall hard so i held my emotions at caution
And when i got the chance to taste them they got me thirsty
But what turns me on is the fact that he keeps saying no .
Same time he'd be all over me and its kinda frightening yet i still love it.
I mean id risk ...risk not to fall and risk to get dicked
Heard what we dont count these days is years bodycounts and one more thing that i barely remember
Id count mine still cos "too much cook spoils the broth"
So the fewer— the better— the wetter !
I honestly wouldnt want to start a serious relationship w him ..
I wouldnt want to loose him just cos im into him
Funny thing i seem to find it quite hard to resist him when hes around me
Buh when hes far he rarely hits my mind

This time its dissimilar
He left a selfie on my phone  (how cute!)
And i tried musturbating to it ;  crazy!
And i always sound like some rapist or slut especially when im high and drunk
Cos yoh ...
He be looking and acting like we'd get down to it
Though!!!!
This time i stopped him
We would carress and all that bullshit
And yesternight we had the best kiss since i recall all the times his lips and mine had an eclipse
Then i whispered"are we finna fuck tonight?"
Ofcourse you know the answer
And he continued
"I have a girlfriend"
But the look in his eyes were more of "im wild and avid for you"
Unless i read him wrong
And his mouth said "i cant fuck w you because we are friends "
Dumb i know right!

But his heart desired something discrete

Hes hot ....and he smokes pot
Thats two shots on a row ....
And have you seen him without a shirt?
Boy he drives me nuts!!

Been in his shirt ....
He took his shirt off for me cos it was cold
The heat made me want to get down on my knees and give him head as thanks
But that was after the "i have a girlfriend talk"also you know what conceded defeat ??

I love the rooftop view .Both during the night and day and ive been wanting to get ferocious backshots ....
I just love the ocean view from the top ...then with some weed and good sex
STRIKING IS IT NOT!
Though what a wasted chance yeah!

I slept asking myself what to do with him ....
Or maybe he was pushing me away
Though im no longer scared of spitting facts these days
I prefer airing out my POV
And i got to him
And i told him
What i told him
Lmao you thought id spit it all haha??!

We good and the spitting was about his girl...
That i really dont care if he cuffed or something ...mahn i aint trynna get wifed or something
I just want to feed my desire .
And my desire is to eat him
Raw
Like some vampire
Grip on his dick like vampires grip teeth on meat
But no feelings no shit
Just "a good time" anytime !

We went home though ...and there i was listening to his heartbeats like i listen to rain sounds and deep i went into sleep.

Though him aside
I found someone so special

He makes me want to love but im petrified .....thats the dread im trying to face and before i did i fucked it up already!!
He held my heart and kept it safe and warm then theres me with cold hands .
I feel stupid and stuck
I want him but its not the right time for me i can tell

Though im finding it hard to let go
Its like we had it all and i lost it all before i got a role
I woulda been his wife or a girlfriend or some situationship prolly the best
Cos lowkey im so into him
I dont go a day without thinking about him
I cant wait for the sun to set so that i get to call him and ask him how his day was !
And how work was and how his voice would calm the wage war in my head makes me sigh and find peace from within .
Peace from within!!!
Yall know thats mad !
Cos i fight demons that are me ..so the darkness in me only found Jesus as the light.
Though he felt sent ....
Heaven sent!
And im still demented
I should pray about it
Oh wait i did !

Ive been on shitty relationships, thought of taking a while and finding my worth.
He came w words worth gold
And to what i know
I was close to getting a medal
Or am i still close ? i doubt !
Though the more i try not to fall i keep falling harder
He said im an open book however these days the cover been heavy...or he cant see through me no more !!
I never thought id have a past that would fuck my future
I fought it but im weak and i dont know what to do anymore!
I dont want to waste him either ....He deserves the world .
I dont want to hurt him too ...
Have you seen him happy

His eyes spark with love
Then his touch feels unassailble but love and affection
He makes me feel like i have this throne that i run
And everytime he calls me princess .....i get this butterflies that choke me
Id say the love he gives me is colorful
Id read them all and write them as poem
Cos
When im with him im so ready to have kids w hom forgetting the red for danger since we both young ..although hed arrange my thoughts of impossible so easy and round like an orange ....you wouldnt even think im having a hard time letting him in ...and to some point ...hes my sunshine so yeah there goes yellow!
Being around him makes me forget how blue i get cos he rains happiness heavily and he doesnt flood it so i stay green and healthy mostly emotionally and mentally.i wouldnt let him go fits in w how far indigo is at and hes so sleek with words ...violent wouldnt be his cup of tea though id play him violin as i sing the colors to violet.