REMIND HER HER REMINDER

ONLY ME

Now im back to how i used to feel .How does everything seem good but i feel less alive .Why im i tearing up on days i should be holding on.

I've been triggered beyond control .

I had a shitty day at work ,when i got home i knew i wouldnt last any longer .So I went to meet with homies but my vibe was off .All alone I wanted to be but still in the midsts of them .I really miss Java.Ive been breaking down and no one notices shit.Only you knew how to love me right .
Youd never judje me ,you were always there for me .Is it because you were not human.I don't want to replace your spot with some random dog .I hate the fact that I can't get to you cos Cuggy stole you from me.Bett he knows the way back to me is through you and I don't want him so I have to let go of you ...
But I love you java .you are forever mine.

Now i try smile and make jokes w humans but all along im just breaking in the inside .
I found me a therapist but sometimes i feel like im stressing him.
At the same time i feel safe around my therapist.
The world wants to drag me back to pain and darkness .
You know why I was crying Nina??
Because I'm about to get shitty like I was four years ago.
But it don't matter no more .
You barely remember the last day you saw my tears .
I had no one that would relate to how I was broken other than you but I should've just died last night.
I'm scared of my own emotions ,I'm sacred of myself.

That was me for like 6 hours before i held my shit together and realised brooo at the end its all about me picking my black ass up.
I be saying it's all you and I sometimes forget
well
shoulda known better.
Well
I was super broken .
I don't know what triggered my emotions on that day .
I was just with my homies and mseee none could help me and the worst of all is that Elias wasn't online .
I had no one to cry to so I cried to myself at the rooftop listening to Gracie Abrams until I was satisfied of the sad motion going on in my head and left for home and before I knew it I had managed my shit .
I've gone out outtttt outttttt !!Buda I've been outside like all my off days and I'm loving it .I'd even start a small vlog you know ...........Visiting new places taking pictures and videos eating good fancy meals .I remember when I was a kid I used to see that kinda life like some fairy shitt but now I'm making my steps to it .And ain't I proud ?? You Bett I am!!
I'm not where I wanna be yet but I'm happy where I'm at ...Getting here been good despite all the crazy shits that I hold in my head that tear me down .
At the moment I have a lot to spill but I don't even know where to start.
Lemme burn up your curiosity.
I think Ali blocked me ....
That's one of the spicy stories I'm to tell .
Two
I been w my homies and I'm loving it
I'm so happy we got back together like we used to be ....Sad I'm the one who got away but now they found me .
Three
I wanna tell y'all about this pirate guy I met and he been on my mind all day
Fourth
We making bigger steps this year ...

So where should I begin oh yeah and Nina texted me like nothing happened .
It's so hard for me to just hit her w
"Last night when I was going through shit you couldn't help me broo"
But fuck it
Oh well she apologized.....
At least I've known I need no man on my shitty days .
Just Elias and Bilal and they ain't as reliable as God trust me ...Bilal pisses me off on days I need him the most and sometimes actually most of the times Elias will join the positive army when I need activation if the negative army so I can know what decisions to make .
Other days Bilal be talking like he on drugs or something yet we both know that he doesn't do weed or alcohol .
I also wanna tell y'all about being single how lonely and happy it gets w time ....
Crazy
Though I wanna focus on me ...
I got to realize that being in a relationship doesn't just drain me emotionally but also financially....
I'm always the giver ...I'm all about baby I saw this and I thought it'd look good on you
Baby got get some brunch or something...
Baby get a small snack ,buy yourself something,go get wasted and I don't even be getting shitt.
You know how many times I've been saying I want flowers ?????????????
All the f time ....
I think I'll just buy myself them flowers
Yeass
And a big teddy bear and keep getting me new sneakers and crocs ,clothes and all the damn things I want .
Cos only me can treat me better .