REMIND HER HER REMINDER

FOREVER/BETTER

I stayed up all night cos I couldn't find sleep
Again !!!

Yesterday I actually overslept and was way  late for work so I just wrote an apology to my boss .
It's almost 7 again !!!
I'm here wishing I'd die sooner so that I meet you .....

It's crazy how I'm pretty much comfortable with dying....
Maybe it's cause I've always been suicidal .
Maybe it's cause I just want to be with you .

Staying in this world has put to much pressure in my life .

I'd say death eases everything.......

If sleeping makes you relax a bit....what if you sleep forever !!!?

Surviving here means more sins involved!!
More mistakes put on top of it ....
More money needed
Surviving is just hard these days ...

With all that's going on with the internet and people all over ...
In a jiff you'd find yourself in a shitty position .

Getting to this point I just can't work things on my own ...
So ofc I'll cry to my Father again ...
Raise my hands up calling to Him to pick me up ...
Just cause I can't without Him.

I've gotten to the end of the rope .
What's left to cherish if a person we both hoped for the future ain't there anymore ...
                                 "Infinity "
Now I have to meet you on the other side for it ..
I'm not complaining.
I'm happy
I mean if it's FOREVER ....then it's BETTER Giggs .

All I know is

I have to find myself again ...
I have to let Christ fill me with His spirit
I have to be at ease and let Him take lead .....

I'm left with friends to Cherish

"PURE HAPPINESS "

And Lord I pray every day for your intervention in our lives and friendship.....
Being with them mitigates my pain
They bring a character in me
A long gone character
When I was happy with life
When I had no time to stress about bills or shii
Just playing eating and sleeping

Oh Elohim
Hold us together for happiness is rare these days
Jehova Rohi
Shield us from all that is evil and lead us to your light
Shammah
Hear the prayers of my heart
Amen

I should be high at the moment but my dealer ain't picking up ....
I've got nothing to calm my anxiety and depressing nerves other than this page ...

To write my fears and resentment like my therapy mentioned to me ...
Hehe....
I had this one month "fear and resentment "table and it turned out disappointing than helping.

Unfortunately.

I just find it so hard expressing what I feel ....I end up concealing most of what kills me ....
But I love God
I love that I don't have to speak or write how I feel for Him to palliate me .
He reads my feelings and understands them ....
Then He heals me in ways that satisfy me .
Only Him knows the best .
Only Him deserve praise .
Truly He's amazing.

Things been tearing down on my end though....
Mother has a lot of dry trees to water but there's drought ....
My sister has alot that need to be attended to cos my step dad is a piece of trash ...
Now I have to roll up my burden and my moms and my small sisters and smoke it all out .
Janet my love has a function going on back at home that needs some fund ...
Im trynna manage my rent ,shopping and every other bitty pitty thing .

I'd say I'm financially beached and emotionally shipwrecked .
Physically??
id say....
I'm physically preposterous.

I'm just a floating body on this planet called earth ,filling up its density and adding up census counts.

What's my purpose anyway ....
I lost sight to it .....

I'm running blind and it's making me so timid .

Unsure about life and decisions .....

What's left of me ???
I was happy I made it half the year ....Now I'm sad I'm left with more years with uncertainty on what's to happen next .

I feel so helpless...
Like my life was broken to nothing .
I wanted to make it with Giggs ngl

I had future plans set for us
I had dreams I wanted to fulfil with you
I had motivation to living up to it .
Now I'm left alone .
Stuck in this round hole called earth .
Is it even round or flat
Oh crap!
What i know is.....
I can't find purpose .
I want to .
But it's hard ....

These days when I wake up .....
I say to myself

"So I'm still alive ....
So I've got another f day
To strive .....to survive "

Sometimes I wake up saying

" here we go again ,
Another day to be a human in the world of sin "

And sometimes I just don't want to wake up ...
I want to sing with the angels day and night .
I want to meet my Father and be with Him
I want to see the new kingdom
I want to be at rest
And wake up to the good life.
The eternal life

That's my greatest purpose ...
To make it to the new world
But to make it w my dearest ones .....

And live happily ever after .....
Just like His word states.

As much as I'm a sinner !!!
I pray for forgiveness!!!
That the Lord Jesus Christ shall let me in ....
And I'll meet my Giggs
As we wait for the others
To write our tales once again
Knowing this time it's forever
And it's better