REMIND HER HER REMINDER

MIND GAMES

Now as days go by i realise i need God more than anyone i need in my life .Ive been staying delusional ,hurting and crying to myself.Funny how no one noticed how deep i was cut ,how i kept tearing apart bit by bit and fixing me is taking forever.The moment i fit in this broken part another breaks and its exhausting ngl.

It December already.Im still alive clearly.It amazes me that i didnt commit suicide.I didnt think of it that much either.Every godamn time i fell ,i held my black ass up cos no one would if i wouldnt .And thats also been exhausting .

Broo i have alot to inform you .Sad and happy tales all with mixed emotions in it .I just dont know where to pick up frfr.

Lets stop being sad for  a moment and talk about Ali .

Well where do i start ??

I was with him wait .......hold up............lemme just be a spoiler eh.....

Me and Ali broke up mahn ..........

So i have this homies .Like long time ago eh. I was Rihanna and every guy from the hood was after me ....Well guess who used to act Kehlani (gay )so that she wouldnt date her homies !Yeah as dumb as it sounds they fell for it.
Yeah !!!Though none of my homies been an ex unlike Riri who married the hommie Rocky.So back to my homies .....
I happened to find out that we are actually neighbours like msee its been 7 plus years msee !!!

That whole squad ,ive only felt safe on Nassirs arms cos he doesnt make wierd moves on me .Every f day i pray he will never act that funny on me cos it doesnt only piss me off but its a very big turn off.
We been smoking weed alot .....like alot bruv alot !!!!!!!blunts after blunts .
The other homies been thinking that hes on my ass giving me backshots ..Actually one of them msm  ...Actually Jepha went ahead and said to the crew that I Nyamai offered him pussy and he neglected ...I know i had you there for a minute thinking one of them been on me Lmao!!!
Buda !!!Buda!!!
Thats some cooked shit right there though .....and i love the fact they be listening to each other and knowing none of them could win or satisfy me .My homies especially the Jepha guy eeeeiii thats a lie ,him being on my ass oh ! thats a lie  cos oh hell no ! No bad blood or anything but id rather ....i dont even know what id rather do than fuck with him .And yes its that bad.But he's a good guy insanely good ...A kind heart and a saved soul ...He knows Christ .....you know that's a turn on for me ofc ....
Yeah so theres this night i called Nassir to get me food and yeah he did ..So i went for it then the next day we was just getting high and drunk cos Zuena (Jephas cousin) was graduating .It wasnt a party ,it just happened abruptly...... so abrupt .
She went on like "im graduating yall si we get some shots ."
I mean why not ...
I did take a shot one and got me smirnoff black ice cos weuh im in my princess era and makali (shots) are not for me .
So we got drunk ,i was tipsy i had 3 cans of it ,got high sat with Zuena and linked alot.

About Zuena .
Shes a big turn on but shes my homie sad fact.How she talks ,how she thinks,How she drives a message to my face  ......Shes just incredible buh she my homie yeah and she does sound like a redflag at the same time .Other than all that im happy where im at ...oh where i was at .
So Ali called my phone and he like got  mad im w Nassir and yeah thats how we broke up .Sad ...my break ups just weird as fuck ...I just be switching off my feelings once someone really gets to my nerves ........
I was sitted at the balcony and i didnt have the energy to hold my shits cos at that moment i had alot going on and im telling you i was only finding happiness from Ali .
I would have thrown myself ,comitted suicide,Although it didnt click in my head ,though im just saying cos im just straining too much to make me be mentally alright.but if I hadn't known Christ and had my battles weighing heavy on me since I started this book leave alone my childhood I'd have thrown myself at the balcony.

I need a therapist.Now i miss Chloe.

These days my phone is just like a curtain .i open it when i need something(air or light in relation to the curtain just incase you are dumb)
And when i dont feel like ;i dont ,cos no one hits my phone ....Its on Dnd with only Ali being allowed to call my phone whose damn phone is also on DnD with me not being an exception .( on some days i dont even let light in my house , its just darkness .Id just light a blunt ,overthink and sleep .Maybe try and order food cos those are my lazy days....Do you get lazy days???heehhh ...i be having lazy days like 360/365—

Now im feeling shitty again lemme light a blunt before i go to bed .I wanna sleep right now cos when i stay up ill get more hungry and i only have plain yoghurt and some muffins w me to kick me through out the night .The yoghurt is almost finished.I cant take muffins ...i cant take sugary things with sugary things  like soda and muffins naaah id have sugar rush and i hate that feeling......also i have no water in my crib cause my broke ex Cuggy was a petty pussio so he poured the drinking water he got for me when we was together....yeah he did some shitty mess .If you a girl and you are reading this ..turn the next page .......if you're a boy and ——————
If you are a girl and you are still reading up to this page .....YOU ARE NUTS !
For the boys y'all also turn to the next page cos it's about to get down !
Can y'all tell I'm high though ???