REMIND HER HER REMINDER

BACK TO YOU

I still get lonely ,I still feel shitty ,I have a lot in my mind ...I'm crying in the inside ....So loud oh my lord .....

I miss having Java ....

But that is that ...
He's gone and I don't want to think about it cos it's whole damn process Zii bana ....
I'm trying so hard .....pushing myself away from memories of us ...
But then I keep realizing that I'm rushing my healing process .

Well Julia is back to me ...we are yet to give it a try .....
Then you know who's been there ...

DYLAN !!!

I wouldn't say the future is surely for us but I wouldn't mind I mean .
He's always been there ,not always ,but he tries and finds time to heal me when I'm broken.

Now he's talking about starting over but with God this time .And this turns me on...This is a greenflag....I wanna fall hard for him and forget about pain....I wanna love and be loved

But then we have pirate......
I can't say much about him but despite this damn distance he calls me ...
And you know what ...
He some famous rapper in Swiss !
Nah I'm not into him as a rapper ...
I love how he chases me .....
But Bilal says if I be w him it's just a phase ...
We won't last ...
Meaning I'll be going back to Dylan
Prolly
We'll see

Yeah

I've been so horny lately ....I'm trynna keep me busy not to masturbate cos I know once I start I'll be doing it every day ....
Then I'll starts convincing myself it's better than not hoeing orrrrrr it's healthy or some wild bullshit .

Well .....
I'm with my hommies at the moment...Today I had some mixed emotions day..
My AirPods Pro Mac broke ...
Though I went to the beach and you know what the beach reminded me of ....

The first time I lost my virginity...
I went with Salome to this private beach .....And there's where my pods broke ...it reminded me when I was w Cuggy ..
The days that felt like I wanted him the rest of my life .
My two weeks phone fell in the ocean .......
I wasn't trynna break down but I tried .
He was treating me right,maybe that's how everyone is before y'all get to know each other ...
And I didn't want it to be a bad date ..
So I asked him to break my virginity.....

Though w all that at hand ....
I was trynna get over Dylan too...
I thought it'd help me ...
It didn't

I got over him a year and a half later.....but we met this year and we kissed and I felt the same spark I felt when I was w him when we were kids.....
I'd still feel the butterflies and he'd ask me to dewarm lmao .....
He's still the sweet man I had when I was a child ...
I wish you'd see how he looks at me ...How he slowly caresses me w his hands ....
We smoked together at our favorite spot when kids.....

It felt like a book......
A movie ....

Same spot we'd kiss and spend the evening when kids we was there ...the same exact spot and we kissed and smoked weed ....

His grandma still be treating me like I'm her child...His mother loves me so much .....His lil bro keeps calling me "Dylan's girlfriend "
And I be feeling like I'm at home when I'm at his home...

I wonder what the future holds!!!!!!
I wonder who imma end up w ...

Rn I'm trynna fix things w Julia ....
She says she's a bit traumatized....I mean we all are....
She's so pretty ....Her eyes ......just looking at her eyes gets me high......
Her body mesmerizes me every time....
How she talks ,her laughter ,her character.....
I'm scared though...
I wanna try let my guard down for her...
Not for better or worse
But for the best of us .....

I miss pirate though ......But dating a whole ass celebrity ....Eeeyyyy apana ...
But imma give him a shot ...
Rn I'm all about good shots .....Impress me keep me ......
So about Ali

I don't know what's w him to be honest.....
I think the long distance relationship ain't a deal for him.....
Cos when I was w him ...He was so sweet .....I done told y'all ....he'd wash me ,bring me breakfast on bed ....he'd do all those shits y'all be calling simping......
Yes but he never got me flowers ...

I was to get Julia flowers on Monday cos I'm taking her out ...And I want it to feel like I'm getting it ...maybe I should buy two bouquets...one for me and one for her....

Well I still have Montet in my list........
He came over to see me ......From Nakuru to Mombasa....
Why the hell do I end up w people who stay the fuck away ...But Julia stays around ...
She's literally the girl I wanted in my life ...
Anyway

I don't know what to do w Montet all I know is I don't wanna hurt him....He's so gentle like and he's so funny too ...
But he deserves more ...
And I'm in my don't care era ....
I'm not trynna stay or beg or cry again ....
I wanna chase the bag ...Love will find it's way to me ....
Cheers to whoever wins