Why do I have to be so stupid. Why do we always fight. I'm always the one to start it all but I can never finish it. I'm scared he just got tired of me and just left. Hasn't talked to me since last night after out fight. I'm so fucking worried.
It must always come back to you and it sucks to have a thought like this come back to haunt you.
I've always thought the pain would go away. Of all the memories and all the suffering. I thought I could be happy again. I thought I could try to hide it from people and mostly myself. All it took was for myself to be alone and it all came pouring back at me like a thunder storm. The tears are so red, I'm crying deep inside but my arm is the one taking the crying. Run they say it will help the pain go away. But in all actuality it makes my memories come back. Him. He took everything away from me. He took my happiness away and I can never get it back. The blade will forever be with me and it will forever take my life away before I know it. I will never stop trying to save myself but the light is just starting to fade away more and more each day.
I hate that I must always fight with the ones that I love most. I'm always the one that pushes them away. I always try to put the blame on them but in reality the blame should be put on me.
I guess you might say that I am just a pusher I hate that I always have the feeling that they don't care about me. They show me the world and give me so many reasons why I should trust them but I've always had the one reason I shouldn't.
I know I shouldn't always think back to him but he made me this way he left when I needed him the most. He left without a warner and he possibly didn't even care the slightest bit about me. I try to stay positive but it seems the ones I love must always bring the past up the past I don't wanna ever think about.
It mostly sucks that all of these thoughts come flowing in when I'm suppose to be happy and I become no where near it. Never am I possibly never will...
