Battle Wounds: Solangelo Soulmate AU

EIGHTY-NINE

NICO POV:
I shake my head again, burying my face in my pillow. Just the idea of getting up, let alone going to school, today makes me feel like throwing up.

"Come on baby," Will says softly. "Remember we have that Econ test today? We can't miss school."

"Go without me," I grumble, my voice muffled to the point of being nearly incoherent.

"Come on Neeks," Will kisses my temple.

"No," I snap, pushing his hand off me. "I can't."

"Ill carry you if I have to, you know I will," he says. "I even let you sleep in for another ten minutes baby. You need to get up."

"I said no Will," I snap. He doesn't get it, I can't fucking go to school today when every time I close my eyes I see the imagine of my sister and Mother with bullets holes in their head.

When Will pulls the comforter off me I can't help the slightly wounded, and incredibly pathetic, whimper sound I make. He immediately scoops me up into his arms and all I feel is panic. I immediately start trying to fight out of his arms, only vaguely aware of the feeling of tears running down my face.

"No no no no!" I practically scream. I'm either forgetting how to breath or having a full blown panic attack at this point.

Will immediately puts me back down, "I'm sorry!"

I curl up into myself, hugging my knees to my chest and sobbing into the fabric of Wills sweats that I wore to bed last night.

"Can I touch you baby?" Will says softly, but still sounding a little frantic and scared.

"Yes."

He lays down next to me and wraps his arms around me. I shove my hands in my eyes trying to get the images of my family laying dead on the concrete out of my head. I can barley feel Wills arms around me and I don't think I ever learned how to breath. The images flash through my brain and I can't remember where I am and I'm scared I'm so fucking scared and theres blood everywhere.

I'm distantly aware of the feeling of Will holding me firmly in his arms and whispering, "It's okay, I'm here, you're safe," over and over again in my ear. It all feels like a distant memory. I tug at my hair hard trying to bring myself to the present in the least self destructive way I can. "Be gentle Nico," Will says, untangling my hands only for me to immediately grip my hair again. "Stop that love."

I feel the bed dip as Mrs. O'leary finally hears what's going on and jumps up next to me. She puts her head on top of my side but I can hardly feel her presence. That doesn't mean it's not reassuring though.

But I can't stop and Will doesn't understand that. I need to feel something because all I feel right now is terror and guilt and grief and shame. I think I whimper, or make some sort of equally pathetically embarrassing sound, but Will still gently tugs my hands from my hair.

"No," I complain. I don't know how to voice my feelings right now, so all I can get out is, "Too much."

"Too much what? Do you need me to give you space?"

"No!" My heart beat picks up at the idea of Will leaving me alone. "No!"

"Okay, I'll stay," Will says quickly, holding me tighter. "What do you need Neeks."

I don't know. I need something but I don't know how to ask for it. I need him to hurt me. I need to feel something other than this. I need him to snap me out of this half ass flash back that makes me feel like Im stuck between two times. "Hurt me," I beg.

"What?" Will gapes at me. "I won't do that baby."

Mrs. O'leary whines and I feel her lick my arm.

"Please," I sob turning myself towards him so I can bury my face in his neck. "Just a little?"