Her Decay ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 28: To Soak Her Hands

Illika

There's going to be hell.

Of course, there's going to be hell. There's always hell. How else can there be a revolution? Even peaceful protests disturb the very foundation of peace. The slightest shift is still movement, and movement disrupts.

But that question. It still rings in my head. That whole conversation still rattles. Even now, I can recall Dabi's words.

"Tell me. Are you really prepared to see the world burn? Because there's going to be hell during this revolution," he said, his eyes meeting mine.

I stood there, knitting my brows. "Isn't that how it goes though? I mean, anything that goes against the status quo in itself is raising hell, and according to history, we'll all get through it."

He shakes his head. "That's not what this is, and you should know that."

"Isn't it though? We're all –"

"Let's be clear. Sure, you can parade around with Toga and Twice or any PLF pawn and pretend that everyone is here strictly for one cause, but I'll be the first to pop that little delusion." He took a step toward me. "We are each here for our own reasons. We all have our own gain – our own plans. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. I don't really give a damn about the free use of quirks. I couldn't care less about it. Do or don't, I don't care. I'm here because I plan to show the world how corrupt and twisted some of their favorite heroes are. I'm here to show the true and finish breaking their fragile hopes."

He spoke each word with venom, that same hatred filling his voice as it did his eyes. He continued. "And I don't care who I have to hurt to achieve that goal. It could be anyone in the League. It could be any one of the hundreds of PLF pawns. It could even be you. Do you hear me? I don't care who I have to hurt, and almost everyone here shares that mentality. So, I'll ask you again, Illika. Are you really prepared to see the world burn?"

At the time, I was still swimming in his words and inhaling that hatred. It was so thick and heavy that it weighed down on me, filling my lungs like poison. I could feel it spread through my blood, coursing through my bloodstream. It was so toxic and suffocating. And yet, despite that, I was still content. Even with him towering over me. Even with him glaring at me. Even with what he had said, I still wasn't scared.

And why would I be? Aside from my life, what did I have to lose? Nothing. I had no earthly possessions that tethered me down. I had no home or money. There was no one in my corner that was cheering me on from afar. My parents... They weren't here. They hadn't been there for me for far longer than I cared to admit. And even when I thought they were, there was still that void. And that was no way for a little girl to grow up.

When it comes to my life, I'm not particularly concerned. Even though my quirk isn't beneficial with combat, it still comes in handy. I can get myself out of any tricky situation. Even against him and his blue flames.

I smiled, keeping my eyes on his. "I'm prepared to watch it burn if it needs it."

He scanned me. "Even if everything is incinerated?"

"Yup."

"Even if it's other people."

"Yup."

"Even if they're innocent?"

"Yup."

He looked at me closer. "Even if it means you have to kill?"

That question. That was the one that caused a lump to take shape in my throat. In all my years as a petty thief, I've never had to take a life. I've never had to kill. Not even in self-defense. The thought of doing that has never even crossed my mind.

Then I recall the man from the bank. I remember the fear that had been in his eyes. He had been terrified. But within an instant, he was gone, nothing but ashes floating in the breeze. And I wonder, could I do that? Could I actively kill someone? I suppose, in a way, I was indirectly the one who killed him. Because of my fuck up, an innocent man died. But could I knowingly and willingly kill a person directly?

The true is...I don't know.

I inhaled a deep breath and turned, looking back out at the city. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't know. I've never needed to before."

"But if you had to?" He pressed, his voice even. "If you had no choice."

"I mean, I guess if I had no choice, I'd do what I'd have to. And if that means killing someone, then yeah. I guess I would, but I wouldn't be thrilled about it."

I looked at him just as a small smile bent his lips. "I never said you had to like it. I just asked if you would." He straightened his posture as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "Remember, we all have to do a lot of shit that we don't want to do, and we all have blood on our hands. Which means you just might have to dirty your own."

After that, he had turned and walked away. That hadn't bothered me. It gave me time to stand and rest in my thoughts as the wind blew. Even now, as I sit soaking in my hot bath, his question still rolls around.

I had told him I would kill if I had to, but is that true? Could I really kill someone else? Honestly, I don't know. I really don't know. Everyone else here seems to have no problem killing, at the very least out of necessity, let alone pleasure. But could I really bring myself to do that? Could I really soak my own hands in the red?

I sink lower into the water, blowing bubbles. Maybe I don't need to be thinking about this. After all, the odds of me needing to actually kill someone is slim. A hypothetical, if anything. So, why stress over it? I can just breathe and relax.

I fall deeper into the water's warmth as the steam fills the air. It feels so good and soothing. Just what I needed to end my day.

My head rests against the edge of the tub as my eyes close. A few steady breaths later and I am suddenly back on that balcony, alone as I look out over the city. She looks so beautiful in her twilight gown adorned by shimmering lights, and the gale feels amazing as it blows.

All thoughts of my conversation with Dabi melts away, blowing away like the ashes his flames leave behind. There is only me and myself, and I look out all around me. I see the twining walking paths below all shrouded in darkness. I see the lampposts stand scattered, each casting brilliant pools of light on the ground. I see the shadowy outlines of trees and shrubbery sprawling.

My eyes drift, moving to the right when I look up, and then see him. At first, it is difficult to make out who is standing on the balcony two floors up, but as I squint, I see.

It is Tomura, leaning over the banister, looking up at the sky.

Honestly, I dare not call to him. I dare not say a word. Instead, I stand, quiet and observant, watching him as he watches the sky. And I stay like this for some time, studying him from afar. Watching. And as I do that, I can't help but sense one thing.

He is not content.

**Hello, all my wonderful lovelies! So, no direct Tomura action, but he was there...at the end lol. According to Illika, he didn't seem too "content". I wonder what that means. Hmm. Guess we'll have to wait and see! That said, we got to see more of her conversation with Dabi. Nothing super deep, but it was something. Kinda. Who knows where this will all go? I'd like to say me, but we all know the gist. We're all just passengers on this crazy ride lol. Well, I'm gonna end this here. As per usual, thank y'all so, so freakin' much for everything! Y'all are the absolute bestest! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross