Nobody's Sorry You're Dead

26

"It's like a museum in here, Hadley," Beanie said.

"If you say so, Bean. But frankly, this is like no museum I've ever been in."

"Oh, well," Beanie said, "I didn't mean to make you think I'd ever been in one, myself, Hadley. I just thought museums were places where a lot of old stuff is stored."

"Yeah, they are," said Hadley, "but the old things in museums are usually a lot finer quality than this stuff. I mean, it doesn't smell stale and musty. No cobwebs covering the exhibits like a second skin. They do dust the stuff off once in a blue moon. You can write your name or anything else you wanted on the surfaces of this garbage. I didn't know dust could get so thick. It's like a dusting of snow on everything."

"Boy, I wouldn't want that job here. I don't think I could finish dusting this mess in a hundred years," Beanie said.

"Me neither," said Hadley, videoing as they carefully picked their way through the clutter. Hadley pointed to a huge ball of string near the doorway. "Grab that Beanie and tie it to the doorknob. We will use it to mark out our way till we get our bearings."

Beanie grabbed a ball of multicolored string that looked like it was made of pieces that had been tied together and tightly wound a ball the size of a large grapefruit. He found the free end and tied a square knot around the knob. He tugged on the string to make sure it held fast. Letting out a little of the string as he followed Hadley into the maze, he looked for secure places to attach it to form a guideline they could follow back out to the porch when it was time to go.

"Did you bring any snacks?" Beanie asked, tying off the string on the knob and making a pretty bow with the ends.

"No," Hadley said, "but when we finish here, we'll drop by the house. I've got some baloney in the fridge we need to eat before it goes bad. There's plenty of pecan pie and some macaroni salad we need to eat before it spoils, too."

"Boy, Hadley," Beanie said, "you know I always like to help you out, but it seems you always have a truckload of good food on the verge of going bad."

"You're right, Bean. I really appreciate you kindly helping me eat all that stuff. I have never learned to cook for one. Waste not. Want not, Bean. And you're a good friend to help me eat it up."

"Thanks, Hadley," Beanie said, stumbling as the toe of his boot bumped into a box sticking out in their path. Dust billowed out from the dented box as it shifted from its place in the chaos.

"Careful, Bean. We don't want to get bunged up and bruised."

"I'm watching. How do you see out of that thing?" Beanie asked.

Hadley stopped and held the camera in front of Beanie. She pointed to a little square area on the camera's back.

"Just look through here," she instructed.

"Gosh," Beanie said, "it's like lookin' through a window."

"Yeah. I wish the light was a little better," Hadley said. "But leave it to Eustian to swear off electricity. I'm glad this cleaning job doesn't include the outhouse. I just don't know if I would ever have the stomach for that. I saw one off in the woods near the side yard when we got out of the car. I don't think the electrical lines even run to the house. I didn't see any signs of any when we drove up. They must have used kerosene lamps or lanterns or candles for light sources. Boy, I'm cheap Beanie, but I do like my electricity and indoor plumbing. There is a thing such as taking the simple life too far."

"It's a wonder he didn't burn this place down," Beanie said.

"You said it. The dust alone could ignite a candle and fuel it like a rocket."

Hadley lowered the camera to check out at a pile of official-looking papers spilling out of a cobwebbed-covered cardboard box.

"Hmm, Bean, looks like these are some of Eustian's court documents."

Glancing through the top few, she noted the names of several people she recognized.

"Well, Bean," she said, looking right and then left and bringing the camera up to her eye, "which way do you want to proceed?"

"This way I guess," Beanie said, tying the string to the antler of an old stuffed deer head. "Hadley, does that deer's eyes look like they are following us?"

"Not now," Hadley said, draping the cups of a yellowed brassiere over them. "Eustian sure had a collection of women's undergarments. Maybe they belonged to his mother."

She spied a rather large sized pair of old lady's bloomers splayed out on the back of an overturned chair. "I hope this stuff didn't belong to him. I can see him wearing this under his overalls. That is really a picture I don't want stuck in my brain, Bean."

They wound their way through the room. Hadley continued videoing. The parlor was next. 

Hadley ran into Beanie's back.