Theirs- Completed

Chapter Thirty One

It took me 3 weeks of being up home to be able to just collect my thoughts enough to stop living in a haze. I lost count of how many mornings I'd been up before the sun, sat down by the stream in town waiting for daylight to confirm another day had passed. Time felt meaningless anyway. I had lost all sense of routine or normality. 

I had been working still, but bizarre hours that had Erica sending me question marks at 3am when she received her 4th email. I'd told her to just silence her phone on a night. It would make it easier for her. 

Bailey was getting daily photos too. Full body photos, he'd demanded. Just so he knew I was okay. Surprisingly I was. I don't know what it was. In times like this, eating was normally the first thing of mine to go. But right now, I wasn't not eating. I wasn't actively avoiding it. I was eating, my parents were happy I wasn't avoiding it. No packed lunches, no need for lunch time supervisions. I was doing pretty well all things considered. I think I was hurting more about him than I was the comments. 

I'd had to delete social media apps. All of them. I was getting messages on a daily basis. I didn't really want them anyway. They were just a way to waste time. I could be reading or drawing instead. And up here, that made sense. 

I'd moved out of the house now too. We were officially into mid November. I was moving my stuff out of the boys' house properly tomorrow. I'd changed my hours at work, I am only in the office now Tuesday and Wednesdays. The rest of the week, I work from home. Home is up there now. Conistone. A tiny village I'd driven through on one of my early morning get aways. I ended up spending the day and just fell in love. The River Wharfe ran down the edge and there was a good few little pebbled edges where the water ran super shallow. These had become my favourite places to just sit now. Especially over summer. 

I liked having the best of both lives, living part time here too. Erica had gratefully given up her spare room. Giving me a key and saying I could have that when I was down here. It was only ever Monday nights and Tuesday nights anyway, then I drive up after I finish on Wednesdays. We'd kind of found a sweet spot where everyone was getting what they needed.  

"Hello?" I answered the phone, pulling my leg up onto my chair as I leaned the phone against the laptop screen. "Bails?" 

"Lil!" His face came into view, a little shaky but I could see him. The phone shook as Luke took it from him, shaking a third time "GIVE ME IT BACK AIDEN." 

"NO." Aiden's face filled the screen, smiling brightly. "Hi Lil. Do you miss us?" 

"You're ugly mug? Never." I smiled, tilting my head. "Share the camera A." 

"But I want you to myself." 

"Not gonna happen. Stop being a tosser and share." He rolled his eyes, sitting the phone down so I could see the three of them. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" I glanced at them, continuing to work. 

"We just missed you." Bailey leaned forward. "Where are you?" 

"Work." I raised my eyebrows and he smiled. 

"Bit late to be working isn't it?" 

"Yeah but I'm not in tomorrow and I have a busy rest of the week outside of work so I'm just getting on top of it all now." They nodded. 

"Busy outside of work?" 

"Doing what?" I looked at my camera and sighed. They had to know sometime right? 

"Um-" I pulled at the sleeves of my hoodie. "I'm moving." 

"Moving?" Bailey grabbed the phone, pressing buttons, I'm guessing turning the volume up. 

"Yeah." 

"Moving where?" 

"Into my new house." 

"New house where?" I raised an eyebrow. 

"Not in London." Silence. "I'm still working here and everything. I'm only in office 2 days a week but I'm living up north now." 

"Back home?"

"Um. Kind of? Like half hour away from home." Their eyes narrowed. "I'm not telling you guys where you'll stalk me." I chuckled, carrying on working. "It's similar. A nice little village. Quiet, middle of nowhere. My house up there is like a proper cottage. Really cute. I've just finished decorating it." 

"So this has been going on a while?" Aiden looked hurt. I knew they would be but I couldn't stay there or down here. Not anymore, I needed peace. 

"Since I left. I started driving around the dales looking for somewhere literally the next day."  I stopped, looking at the 3 boys who were looking amongst each other and then behind the phone. "I know it's a shitty move guys, I should have mentioned it or something. I just need my own space. Away from everything. And you guys know the only place I can fully relax is up there. I've spent 2 years now being on edge and everything. I think it's time for me to just start settling down, I'm done waiting around for things to happen for me, waiting for the right time or the right person. It's not going to happen so I just need to move past it and get onto the next part of my life you know? Who knows, maybe I'll find a farmer." I chuckled, knowing in myself it was a joke. Maybe. Maybe it wasn't. I wasn't finding a city boy. I knew that much. 

"Lil. You don't like being up there. You say it's too quiet." 

"I did before." Bailey grabbed the phone, standing up and making it so I could only see him. "I just want peace Bails. I've lived the mayhem. My phone, even now, like works socials are blowing up with hate from it all still. I'm all for publicity but it's starting to hurt the brand so bad that we might have to rebrand everything, new name, new design. And I can't even be held high up if we have to di that so Erica might have to let me go. All because of 1 social media post. It's not fair for me and it's not fair to these guys." 

"It's not fair on us either Lilly." I sighed. "You're literally just pulling yourself out of our lives and acting like it's nothing." 

"It's not nothing. I don't want to pull away from you guys. But what the fuck am I supposed to do Bails? I knew being friends with you was going to be complicated right? When this started and you got signed I knew none of our lives would be the same. But I wasn't expecting it to be great for you guys and so shit for me that I'm literally having to loose everything just for being close to you all and people read it all wrong." 

"So that's it? What are we supposed to do now Lil? Just go on with you as a distant friend?" 

"No. Once you guys are back we can work it out but right now, for me, this is right. When you get back you can come up, see the house and we can talk about it all. When you guys come home for Christmas I'll be at my mums anyway, I can bring you round and you can see it all. Like I say, It's not like I'm not in London for 2 nights a week. I'm still working here. We can do lunch and breakfast when I am. Life's going to look a little different to how it has for the past 5 years sure but that's life right?" 

"I guess." 

"Don't worry about it Bailey. It's fine. I'm fine." He looked at me, tilting his head. "I am." 

"I don't believe you." 

"You never believe me." I gave him a half smile. "I am Bails." I held up the packet of crisps I had been eating before he called. "Second packet of the day. I had a bagel for breakfast, grabbed a subway with Harry for lunch then had Chinese takeout for dinner at like 6." 

"Hmm." 

"I did." I stood up, showing him the clear plate that had food remnants on it. 

"Fine." I flicked the camera around back to my face. "We get home like the 23rd of December. We'll come straight up home." I nodded. "Send me your address." 

"Nope." 

"Why not?" 

"I don't want any surprise visitors when you guys should be off on tour." 

"Lil-" 

"Nope." I shook my head. "If you need to send anything, send it to my parents." He sighed. "I should go, I've got loads to do before I can go and it's already 11pm." 

"Fine. Bye Lil. We miss you." 

"Miss you guys too."