Theirs- Completed

Chapter Sixteen

"Mum?" 

"Lils?" I sniffed, sliding my suitcase into the boot of the car, closing the door and leaning back against it. "You okay sweetheart?" 

"I'm coming home." 

"What? When?" 

"Setting off in a few." She shouted my dad and I closed my eyes. "Lils is everything okay? You normally give us loads of notice. It's fine, your dad can set your room up now but-" 

"Not really. I just need to get away." She sighed and I opened my eyes, rolling them at Robin who was stood in front of me. "Okay. I need to go. Speak soon." I hung up the phone, walking back to the house and grabbing the last suitcase, locking the door behind me. 

"Where you going?" 

"Away." 

"Away where?" 

"Anywhere that's not here." 

"Lil-" I grabbed the suitcase, pushing past him forcefully and sliding the case onto the back seat. "How long are you going for?" 

"Long enough." 

"So you're not even going to come back and say goodbye to us before we go on tour for 6 months?" 

"I've said bye to the others." 

"But not me? If I didn't come by would you have even told me you were going?" 

"Nope." 

"What do you mean 'nope'?" He was following me as I walked around to the drivers side. 

"Nope. No. Non. Nein. No. Make sense now?" His hand was on my car door. "Don't play this game with me you know too damn well I can move you if I have to." 

"Lilly please. Don't go like this. Not when I'm leaving anyway." I shrugged. 

"Move." 

"No." He moved closer to the car, thinking it would make it harder for me if his whole body was there. "I'm sorry okay? I was an asshole yesterday. But you can't pretend you weren't in some of the wrong." Almost had it there. "I mean you did say some shitty stuff about her." I grabbed him and forced him to move. "Lilly!" 

"Fuck off Robin." 

"What did I say now?" I shook my head, genuinely confused how he still didn't get it. "Lilly, talk to me. Please. Tell me what I've done. I don't like this with you. I can handle it with the guys but not you. I can't leave with you like this with me." 

"If you don't know by now Robin. I can't fucking help you. I've told you multiple times and  I know Bails has told you as well. The longer this goes on the worse it gets and the closer and closer we get to me just being out of your life entirely. I am done sitting around letting you treat me like this Robin. I can't sit here and accept it. I can accept being second best, sure it would hurt but I'd get over it. But literally being fucking blindsided? An after thought? I can't do it anymore. Not when you keep showing up and telling me I'm the most important person in your life but then you'll criticize me and not her. When at least I'm trying whilst she's out here causing my ED to come back in full force." 

"I-its back? When did THAT happen?" I pulled the car door open and laid my head on it for a second before standing up straight. 

"You'd have known if you were paying attention. Because Bailey did. To the point where he knew I was at work at 3am this morning after spending 3 hours in the gym for the 4th time this week.  Don't act like you care now. Not now I'm going and you're scared. I don't need you to act like you care now. I needed you to actually care last week in the kitchen. I needed you to care when you sat in my office and I barely touched my dinner. But you didn't. Because you were so wrapped in your head about her. Like I'm trying to be happy for you Robin. I really am. But when she's fucking with your supposed best friends mental health and you don't even notice? I can't -" He stepped forward, trying to hug me but I climbed into the car, closing the door. The window was already down from this morning. It was already too hot to have it up. 

"I need some space right now. I don't know if I'll be back before you go. But maybe you need to give you're head a shake. I spoke to Bailey last night. He knows where I'm going." 

"Lils, please come back before we go." I turned the key in the car. "Don't make me go 6 months without fixing this. Please don't." 

"I don't know if I'll be ready by then." 

"So what? That's it you're just going and I won't see you until what Christmas?" I swallowed. "Liliana. I'm not going to be here for 6 months. This isn't something you can just drive around the road and see me when you get over it. You need to think." 

"I have been thought Robin. I've been thinking for 18 fucking months. I can not do it any more." 

"18 mon- What are you on about?" 

"I need to go." I wound the window up but he didn't move. "You need to move Robin." 

"What do you mean you've been thinking for 18 months Lilly?" 

"Robin. Move." He shook his head and I laid my head back in the chair. "I don't want to hurt you but you're going to give me no other choice." He lowered his brows. "Go back to your girlfriend Robin." 

"I was on tour 18 months ago." 

"ROBIN." He wasn't listening again. 

"Just tell me." 

"Move." I reversed slightly and he jumped, moving his foot out of instinct. I didn't hesitate in pulling out whilst I had the chance. 

I can't believe I even managed that without crying. To say he was unexpected. That I almost told him I'd been in love with him all that time. 

I was crying now. It wasn't overpowering, to the point I couldn't see. It was a constant stream of slow and steady tears running down my cheeks. It was sadness in overwhelming silence. When you've gone so far past an emotion that it stops being intense and starts just being melancholic. Dry but it hits you so much deeper then. And you know it's going to be around a lot longer than if it was just intense anger.