Theirs- Completed

Chapter Thirteen

I burried my face deeper into him, half asleep but the sun in my eyes wasn't making it any easier to nap on him like this. I don't know how or when we had gone from sitting, to spooning to me laying on his chest but I was now. Soaked in the scent from earlier. Lost in it like some kind of dream world. 

His arm was loosely laid over my waist, occasionally holding me a little tighter. This felt very intimate for people who shouldn't really be seeing each other outside of work. But the guys were still pissed at me and I really needed to comfort right now. The hangover, Sophia's comments, Robin, work, tour. It was all really overwhelming and right here laid like this, it didn't feel as big. They'd all just melted away. 

I missed them. Being around the boys. I'd been avoiding them so much since they got back. I could feel us slipping apart and I didn't want that. It just hurt so fucking bad sometimes. Being with Luke and Aiden and Bails was fine. But I can't be around them without the chance of being around him and her. 

I could handle being around him. Exposure therapy. I'd get there. It would eventually be okay again like it was before he started dating her in January. But with her around, it just felt more impactful. He was so in love with her, it constantly came back to her. Everything we did or said or watched. Everything related back to her and he made sure we all knew it. 

"Lil?" Harry's voice came out at a whisper, turning his head into my forehead. 

"Hm?" I kept my eyes closed, sleepily acknowledging his question. 

"Can I ask you something personal? You don't have to answer, I just want to know." 

"Mhm." I nodded slightly, taking in a deep breath of his cologne again. Honestly. they way he smells would have me sacking off work. 

"You're in love with Robin right? Like more than friends?" I opened my eyes, trying to move back but he kept his arm tight around me, leaving me the only option of moving my head back so I could see him. "That's why you don't want to go on tour? Why you don't like being around him and her?" 

I sat there, staring into his brown eyes like I was dying for him to take it all away. I didn't want any of it. I never wanted to be in love with Robin. I didn't want to hate seeing him happy with someone else. I didn't want to be bitter. I didn't want to be closing myself off to everything because of them. I didn't want to be filled with jealousy. 

"I don't want to be." My voice barely broke the silence in the room. Spoken just between the 2 of us as if even a decibel louder, the world would hear me admitting it for the 3rd time. He nodded, slowly placing a kiss on my forehead. "How do you get over someone that you have to see daily, is your best friend and is this huge part of your life, without cutting them out completely?" 

"You want to get over it?" I nodded, laying my head back onto his chest. "Why?" 

"Well it's not like I'm ever going to do anything about it or tell him anyway. It would only cause problems and I'd end up loosing them all one way or another." 

"Why would you loose them?" He moved now, shuffling so I was laid on his bicep and he could see my face straight on. 

"I tell him I like him, he doesn't return the feelings, I can't face him for embarrassment and never see them again. I tell him and he likes me back but the relationship doesn't work out, I loose them when we split up. I'm not his type anyway. He likes the louder girls, more confident, brown hair, tall, pretty, wearing designer dresses and heels to movie nights, thinner girls who like having their photos online and can handle the hate." I looked back at him. "It's never going to happen and I know that but I'm just stuck on him and I really wish I wasn't." 

"Is that why you won't go on tour?" 

"Mainly." I nodded. "If I don't go now though, now they know I don't have an excuse. They hate me as it is. They literally haven't stopped kicking off since yesterday about it. So I think I'm going to have to." I sighed, closing my eyes in a slow blink. "I fucking hate this." 

"Hate what?" 

"Loving someone I know I can't ever have." 

"So what do you want to do?" 

"Sleep." I chuckled and watching his eyes brighten with his smile.

"Lil?" 

"Mhm." 

"I wasn't joking when I said I came over on the tube to ask you out." I furrowed my brows at him. What did he expect me to do with that information after I've just laid here and told him I'm literally in love with someone else? Did he think telling me that was going to change anything? It wasn't as easy as- Why is he moving closer? WHY IS HE MOVING CLOSER? 

I took in a slow staggered breath as his lips pushed against mine, my eyes closing softly, fighting against my instinct to keep them open with shock. I kissed him back almost immediately, causing him to pull me closer to him, wrapping his legs around mine as he added a little bit of pressure behind the kiss. 

He felt as good as he smelt. Just as addictive. I didn't want him to move. Brain completely void of all thoughts as his hand burried under my jumper, laying on my side softly with no intention of it going further. It wasn't moving. Just staying there. Holding me. Touching my hot skin. 

He pulled back slowly, barely moving any part of his body apart from his head as he looked at me. It took me a few seconds to open my eyes again. Everything was fuzzy. Like I was floating on a cloud.

"I um-" He sighed as I finally caught back into his eyes. "I probably shouldn't have done that." I scowled at him, slowly shaking my head as I reached up and put my lips back on his, letting my hand move around to the back of his head and pulling him down into me so he couldn't leave. 

I don't know what this means. For me or him or for us or work or Robin. But it feels right right now. It doesn't feel wrong. There's no instinct telling me to run, no conscience telling me I shouldn't be doing this, no fear. And I'll keep doing it until it doesn't feel right because he feels so damn good against me I didn't want him to go. 

"Lil? You home?" I pulled my head off his, sitting up quickly and looking over the back of the sofa at the 4 boys now stood staring at me. Fuck sake.