Estranged | ✓

XII. did i still want him?

anupamaa:

"Thank you so so much for the tea, Anu. Like this is legit the best I've had in a very very long time.", My neighbour said, all excited.

I smiled, slightly awkward with all the appreciation.
"Kavya is right, Anupamaa. This is the best chai ever.", Anirudh Gandhi said keeping back his empty tea cup.

I nodded, almost blushing.
"That's really generous of you both.", I said.

"Ah please, don't be this formal. We are neighbours and I'm on the edge of declaring you my new soul sister.", Kavya said laughing.

They were soon to marry and lived together exactly opposite to my new rented apartment.

In Los Angeles.

"Umm.. Anu, you have two kids.. how do you manage alone?", Anirudh asked softly.
"Oh I am used to it now. I was a housewife for a long nine years, managing things is my expertise.", I said candidly.

"True that.. I remember my mom doing the same. My dad left my mother when Krisha Di and I were young. Mom used to manage everything.", Kavya said sighing.

"How's your sister though?", I asked, remembering how she kept mentioning her sister sadly all the time.
"Ah she's in UK, with her husband and daughter. Pretty sorted.", She said, instantly switching into her happy go lucky self.

"Umm.. okay we should get going. I've got work to complete.", Anirudh said standing up.

"Oh yes.. otherwise his workaholic boss will throw him out of the office.", Kavya said, sounding rather annoyed.
"You know how it is, Kavya.. now don't overreact.", Anirudh said as I watched them perplexed.

"You know Anupamaa, his Boss is the most annoying human being in existence. That guy doesn't sleep, doesn't go home, doesn't even watch India Pakistan matches! He only works! Day, night, Holi, Diwali always!", Kavya said sounding extremely irritated.

My lips curved into an amused smile.

"And because of that he gets the Employee of the Year ever since he took over.", Anirudh said.

"What's is name though?", I asked, casually.

"Vanraj Shah.", Both of them said in unison.

My heart skipped a beat.
The memories flooded back like a tsunami.
My pleas before him to not leave me, his look of betrayal ever since I revealed his affair with Rittika.

His absence when our daughter was born.
And his indifference when Samar chose me.
Both of them were at school now.

I had struggled for two years until I joined an international dance company to pay for my children's fees. He still sent the alimony that I never touched. I could do without his sympathy.

It had just been two years since I settled here with Samar and my four year old daughter, Pakhi.

Nothing had been the same, in a rather good way.
I was doing much better in life than I ever dreamt of.

"You know him or something?", Kavya asked noticing the change in composure.

"Yeah.. no.. no of course not.", I mumbled.
"Oh okay..", Kavya said, still looking at me strangely.

"Anu, you can join us for the Holi party tomorrow. I'll sent you the invite.", Anirudh said and I nodded with a smile.

The best development was probably that I enjoyed my favourite festival for the last five years.
And here there was a huge event held by the Indian Society.

I was happy.
Absolutely satisfied.

But with a strange emptiness.

Did I still want his love?
Did I still want him?

•••