Estranged | ✓

XXIV. a walk

anupamaa :

We sat back in the circle again.
This time I sat opposite Toshu. 
He turned the bottle and co incidentally the bottle stopped at both of us.

"What is it Mummy?", He asked, smiling. He had his father's smile, and I oddly recognised it. 
Nevertheless, I said, "Truth."

"Nooo! So boring!", Samar said pouting.
"Okay.. so the question is..", he paused, gulping nervously.

"Do you still love Papa?"

An abrupt silence fell.
I knew the answer was dicey.
"Toshu that is not an appropriate question.", Mister Shah said, sounding serious.
"But Papa—"
"No.", He said sharply.
Toshu fell silent, he looked like he was penting up pain.

I could feel it.
"Fine.. let's continue the game.", He said seriously, looking down.

"Toshu..", I said softly, "I love all of you."
"But not him?"
"That's not important anymore.", I stated.

I noticed Mister Shah getting uncomfortable.
Then I smiled and we continued

°

I finally sat back at the dining table.
The game was over, with Samar and Toshu dancing on Dola Re Dola.
Of course, Vanraj Shah the Great's dare to Toshu.
And with me awkwardly singing "Lag Ja Gale" on Samar's request.

I was pretty sure Toshu had suggested this dare, and I was glad I hadn't sung too badly.

Now, Toshu had suddenly taken up the charge of the big brother and was making his younger siblings do their homework while doing his own.

Ah, my son grew up too soon.

But I had seen a strange desperateness in him, as if he wished his father and me to be together again.

That was obviously understandable, but too far fetched.

"Your hand has some magic. I am pretty sure of it.", I heard as I snapped out of my thoughts.
He sat right opposite me, sipping his tea.
I smiled softly.

The little dance today had made so much of a dopamine surge, I still couldn't believe it happened for real.
Him smiling, almost blushing, me holding his hand, standing so close..

It all felt like a well shot dream sequence.
But here he was right before me.

"Thank you.", I said looking down.
"Anupamaa?", He said softly, his voice sounded tender.
I did not look up, I did not want his eyes to show me the mirror of reality.

"Can we go for a walk?", He asked.
The sun had set half an hour ago and now, the stars had come out on the skies of California.
I loved to take late night walks after my children went to sleep.

"I.. I would love to.", I mumbled as he took one last sip.
I stood up to take the cup but he himself took it and kept it near the wash basin.

It seemed like he was habituated to that now.
He really seemed like a changed man.

Even his otherwise arrogant and tall demeanour had toned down to that of a normal person.
When he had said, "You", the last day, I had no believed it.

I could not just start believing in him after knowing what had gone down behind me for nine years.
But things seemed to change after today's dance.

I had seen honestly in those chocolate brown eyes.
Something that I had missed over the years.

He glanced at me.
He still wore his office garments.
A brown suit over a white shirt, looking as suave as ever.

He removed the blazer and loosened his tie.
"You know it's pretty suffocating.", He said smiling softly.
I smiled back as we finally strode out of the house after asking Toshu to take care of everything.

The garden in the near our apartment was blissful.
Lush green grass, soft breeze and a starry sky.
Perfect.

There was silence was moments, as he looked up at the sky.

"You wanted to say something?", I asked.
His lips curved into a smile.

"No.. it's your turn today. I've said a lot many things over the years and you've just heard. Today is your turn.", He said.
He finally looked at me.

I brushed a strand of my hair backward.
What was I supposed to say?

"Fine.. I might help you..", He said.

"What would you do if I proposed remarriage to you?"

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