Estranged | ✓

V. i wish

anupamaa :

I stared at him.
We stood inches apart.
He slowly pulled himself and sat on the seat.
He looked at me. The look of ache that I witnessed in his eyes was different. I had never seen this in him. His only emotion with me had been either anger or lust. Nothing in between

"Sit here.", He said clearing his throat.
I sat.
There were moments of silence before he spoke,
"The truth is.. I don't care if it hurts you.. anyways I hurt you a hundred times a day and it doesn't matter..",
His lips curved into a dry smile as he looked straight at the tree before us.

"But I don't love you."

That hit harder than I expected.
I felt it pierce my whole being. I knew this was going to ring in my head for years from today.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want you to stay with me."

I drew in a deep breath.
What an irony!

"You are the anchor of my family. I know it. If you leave this family will fall like a pack of cards. I accept being an absolute arse in my behaviour with you."

So he also insults himself sometimes.
What was he?
Fake from top to bottom?
He smoked, loved someone else and I didn't know any of this in the last nine years.

"Good that you know.", I blurted out in frustration.
He did not say anything.

"Ever felt what living in a cage is?", He asked.
I raised a brow.
"No.", I mumbled awkwardly.
His lips curved again, in a painful smile.

He looked at me.
"Funny how you live in one and don't even realise."

This one too, hit.
A cage it was.
This marriage.

"I am not cheating on you, Anupamaa. I don't even hate you. I don't even care about you as a matter of fact.. I know you can never be anything close to her.."

"Rittika?", My voice was laced with loath, I didn't know I could really ever sound that way.

He looked at me and smiled sadly, "Yes."

"So go back to her. She wants you.", I said wiping my tears that slod down incessantly.
"I am not a toy. She played, liked it, but then she found someone better and walked away.", He said, yet he didn't sound loathful.

"But you still love her.", I stated, coldly.
"I insult you, question you, shatter your dreams and yet.. you love me.", He stated.

And he wasn't lying.

"But you never will.", I stated.
"I wish I could.", He stated before standing up.

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