Estranged | ✓

→ ch 4 | his secret - part I

His Secret — 01. I must leave

2023.
California, America.

anupamaa:

I sat back at the balcony.
The very same balcony of my old apartment here.
Nostalgia hit me every time I stepped in here.
The moon lit up the sky in a silvery glow, the scent of the rain still hung in the cool breeze.

I heard the sound of the door knob unlocking, and then, his footsteps.
Vanraj paused for a moment at the glass door that led here.

"I wonder why we are here tonight.", He said softly as he removed his socks and walked in, stepping on the artificial grass.
I looked up at him.
He looked exhausted, his neatly combed hair a mess, as he removed his overcoat.
Wearing a Prussian blue suit with a black tie over a white shirt, he sat down beside me.

He drew in a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he rested his back on the sliding door behind him.

"Are you okay?", I asked softly, edging closer to him.
"Tired.", He said simply, running his fingers through his hair, brushing them back.

He was getting too tired nowdays.

He opened his eyes and glanced at me.

"The white sarees are suiting you damn well.", He said, finally noticing me after days.
I wore a silk white saree today, with my hair left open and a slight touch up.
I had some client meetings.
He was working busily on some other project.

It was only almost two years since we had remarried, yet I had started to fell a strange void.

"You haven't been noticing me lately, Gadhedo Shah.", I said, my lips broke into a smile as I sat back, like him, looking at him.

"You know how busy I am.", He said turning his body slightly towards me.
"Hmm..", I said, drawing in a deep breath, fidgeting with the fake grass.

"Is there something you have to say? I.. I really need some sleep.", He said, exhausted.

"I need to.", I said softly as he looked down at me.

"You have been over working for the last two months.", I stated, "You refuse to even talk to me when you come back. You sleep, wake up, talk to your clients and just leave for work."

My voice trembled slightly.

I refused to look up at him.

"It just feels like.. this marriage thing isn't working for us..", I said.

I heard him draw in a sharp breath.

"You know I have work—"

"I had an important meeting with clients today. They had asked me to bring my husband. I had informed you.. almost five weeks back!", I finally said what had been stinging me.

I sat up, heartbroken.

"You know what Vanraj Shah?! I had been waiting for you for two hours but you didn't show up. I called up Kavya and she said you were supposedly too busy!"

He sat up too, looking down, drawing in a deep breath.

"So? I am busy, Anupamaa. You have to understand—"

"Why should I understand?", I demanded.
He firmly looked down.
I could see a tear of his drop down, twinkling on the grass.

"I had to call up Anirudh, who by the way, informed me that you were just over working despite having the choice to come back home in time! You just refuse to leave office, refuse to talk to me, refuse to give a damn about my problems! It is better for me to leave!", He looked up at the last line instantly.

"No.. Anu—"

"Explain your behaviour, Mister Shah.", I said simply.

He gulped nervously.

As if he was hiding something.

He softly placed his hand on mine, and squeezed it slightly.

"Anu.. I never intended to hurt you this much—"

"You never intend it, but you do it anyways.", I said angrily, wiping my tears with my other hand.

He lifted my hand and placed it on the left of his chest.
His heart.

"I asked you to explain your behaviour, not be this roadside Romeo.", I said, irritably.

His lips curved into a soft smile.
The otherwise proud and smug eyes held a strange look now.

"You know my heartbeat better than anyone else, Anupamaa. I know it will explain everything to you.", He whispered edging closer, holding my hand with his.

It was just his heartbeat.
Slightly mistuned, I felt.
Maybe I was just overthinking and this man was bluffing to cover up all his wrongs.

I pulled my hand away and turned my back to him.

"Fine. Keep doing this way.. don't talk to me.. hide things.. so that we go back to the first time.. and then.."

I felt his arms wrap around my body from behind.
He rested his chin on my shoulder, pulling me closer to himself.

"This really is not helping.", I lied, as I drew in a deep breath.

That was my problem.
He messed up and then came back, hugged me or said sorry and I was melting away like ice cream.
I vowed to not melt.

"I am sorry.", He whispered.

"You are not forgiven.", I stated clearly.

"Anu.. please. I cannot rest peacefully unless you forgive me.", He mumbled.

"Stop pretending like you are dying and without my sorry your soul will haunt this house or something.. ", I snapped at him.

He rested his head on my shoulder now.
I felt the moisture of his eyes.

His silence was suppressing secrets.
My heart skipped a beat, a sudden nervousness coursed through me.

I turned towards him instantly, he looked up.

My faces only inches apart.

Yet his eyes seemed to be drowing in a distant pain.

"What is it?", I asked him, my tone desperate.
"Anu..", he looked down.
"Forgive me.. I.."
"Tell me first.. please.", I whispered to him, holding his face.

"Anu, I have a heart condition.", He mumbled finally, drawing in a deep breath.

He looked up.

"I just have another four years to live."

•••

Part II will be updated soon :)